I, (29M) and my gf (31f) have been together for a little over 6 months now. Most of our relationship has been spent 8 hours apart time wise, seeing as we dated in person for maybe 3 weeks before i got shipped overseas.
Lately I’ve been noticing that just about every time there is any miscommunication, it turns into her going off on me. Even threatening to leave, not talk to me for a day or two, etc. About 3 hours later she always comes back and apologizes, saying it’s a trigger bc she felt like i was doing what the last ex did.
I also learned that I can put on weight really fast, and also lose it just as fast. About two months into me being activated, I was eating fast food and the red coded foods at the DFA because I figured I’ll just lose it soon anyway. I had some minor muscle injuries too that hindered me from working out.
In May I got to the root of the problem and have since fixed it. I maintain a healthy and nutritious diet, exercise routine, taking vitamins, etc and haven’t fell off the wagon or anything.
A few hours ago I got the chance to go off post and have a group dinner with some buddies who i won’t see for another few months or so, as we are all TDY and will be returning to our home bases the next day. Also, prior to that I went to this cute coffee shop on base and saw this mini cake that made me think of her (it said I love you) but I didn’t buy it. I sent her a picture of it saying this makes me think of you, I thought it would be something cute for her to wake up to. When she woke up she didn’t acknowledge that.
The place I went to off post was this burger joint and I had a double cheeseburger and small fry with water with the boys. I sent her a picture of it and she went off on me, talking about how I’m throwing away all the progress I made and that I’m getting complacent, and how unattractive that is to her. She also mentioned how it dampened her mood and now she doesn’t think that i can commit to a lifestyle change because “I’ll just use working out to cancel bad eating and I’ll go right back to my old ways”
She also assumed that I bought that cake and ate it too, that was another part of her rant..talking about how I was doing so good and now I’m throwing it all away with cake and cheeseburgers.
I’d also like to note that she doesn’t work out herself, and she eats more fast food than I do.
She did apologize for it later on saying that it triggered a fear in her that I would blow up again (heaviest I got was 185) and that she was wrong for putting me down like that considering I don’t do that to her when she has her pizza, ice cream, etc.
I’ve accepted her apology but it makes me wonder what’s gonna happen when I come back home. If I dare have a cheeseburger once a month, will I get scorned or not?
TL;DR- I’m noticing patterns where my SO takes out her anger on me when I don’t provoke it, and the whole cheeseburger rant feels like the straw that broke the camels back, and I’m wondering if I should leave her.
2 comments
I’ve been in her mind frame. I would just get so enraged when my ex boyfriend wouldn’t do something he said he was, like going to go on a diet then constantly eating junk food. Honestly I really resented him, I’m still not 100% sure why but I know it wouldn’t change. She’s waiting for you to mess up and give her an opportunity to rip you apart. You should talk to her about it before abandoning the relationship but I think she will continue to berate you.
I’m sitting here imagining getting a cute text of a cake that says I love you, and reacting like “STOP EATING CAKE FATTY”… Jesus. You deserve better than this OP.
>it triggered a fear in her that I would blow up again
*Grumbles in C-PTSD.* She isn’t “triggered”. She’s just emotionally volatile and isn’t taking responsibility for it.
To be honest OP if she’s acting this rancid only 6 months into the relationship, I expect it’s only going to go downhill from here.