Hi so I’m 15M and I am really kinda awkward and I could never talk to or entertain in a group… and this is a big problem for me because I want to be either a lawyer or businessman and I want to get into politics… and I feel like I won’t ever truly “fall in love” because I can’t talk to women or anyone “genuinely”, it’s like I always have two personalities, “public and family” when I’m with my family and talking to them I am charming and funny but in public settings or with girl mostly I can’t be myself…
Does anyone have any tips? Or had a similar problem?
Let me know if you need me to elaborate… thank you
2 comments
Can you do something over the summer that challenges you and puts you in a different social circle? Maybe volunteering? Sometimes just changing the context and having a bit more independence helps a lot.
Typically when people feel they can’t be themselves it’s because they believe their true self is less appealing than the mask. You’re saying your true self is more appealing that your public persona, right? If thatKs the case it’s likely anxiety and as you become more comfortable in social settings outside of your family group you’ll let your funny charming self out.
You’ll likely have 10 years at least before having to regularly smooze so there’s plenty of time to get better.
Look in to social anxiety and see if any of it resonates with you. If it does, there are many with lived experience who have tips you’ll find here, in web articles and youtube videos.
You need practice. Go to networking events, social mingles and farmerKs markets. The goal is to talk to at least two different people and make a joke (because you’ve identified yourself as funny) or ask them something about their life and respond in a charming manner. Networking events is literally a bunch of people who came together to say hi to randoms. Social mingles are similar, but there may be a small similarity like a connection to the school or sports team (if there are a bunch of people standing around waiting, practice talking to them basically). FarmerKs markets are great because they are much slower than conventional retail, the sellers often want to give you a story to sell the product and they won’t leave. It also gives you some practice in being able to leave a conversation.
You could try to do an event like this weekly, but you will know your energy capabilities more than anyone else, so don’t push yourself if you are exhausted.
You can also try with groups in school to do the same method. Great set ups include group work and interest clubs.