So my gf has a lower libido than me, which is fine, but frustrating. Over time I got tired of trying to talk to her about it and tired of always initiating anyway still. I find that she does get horny, and show desire for me, but only if I stop initiating for a while and give her a chance. However, that means we have sex less often and I have to better control myself being horny around her. The tradeoff is much better sex where she is much more into it. However, the longer we go before she gets horny enough to initiate, the higher my test gets, and the more short tempered and impatient I get with her. She’ll also notice me eyeing up other girls, and gets upset. I don’t know what to do. My testosterone goes up when I don’t have sex for 1-2 weeks. I feel this. I don’t want to be short tempered with her but I don’t want to feel undesired like I did before.
11 comments
Do you watch porn often?
Have you made clear to her that you’re pretty much always down when she’s interested? She might also be getting tired of always initiating, maybe you need more of a switching off dynamic. Or set aside nights to do things like tease each other, naughty games, watch risqué movies together to *get* everyone in the mood
Do you masturbate often? My gf has lower libido than me so what I’ll do if I’m horny is masturbate next to her in bed to take care of it. My gf enjoys watching me get off and I find it intimate that I’m doing it while she is present.
> the longer we go before she gets horny enough to initiate, the higher my test gets, and the more short tempered and impatient I get with her.
I’m not sure whether you can really blame this on testosterone, especially if you’re not actually measuring it. Just sounds like good old fashioned sexual frustration morphing into resentment to me.
Have you thought about channelling that energy into making more of your quality time with her, doing things with her that she feels are romantic and that she has your affection and attention without the expectation of sex? I’d be pretty surprised if that didn’t shorten the interval between her charges of sexual desire.
You may want to look into something called “responsive desire,” it sounds like this may be how her sexual desire patterns work, to some extent.
“Short tempered with her, can’t help it”
Because her libido is less than yours… Maybe she can’t help that?
Leave the girl alone for her own well being, sounds like you should accept you’re both different, be single and shagging freely. Especially if it’s already been spoke about.
I can tell you from experience, being short tempered doesn’t make a woman horny. Physically seeing frustration does nothing to enhance your girls libido. Seeing you eye up other women during the times you guys aren’t fucking only knocks her confidence I assume, although I massively understand that it’s a natural thing for a man to do! Bottom line with this is, you can’t necessarily change the frequency, if you’d rather she be into it, then you’ll have to wait, if you can’t handle waiting, then it needs to be a serious discussion between the two of you.
You need to figure out her love language. Humping her leg os not it. I have been married 20years. We had the same relationship early on. After I figured out her language things changed for the better.
I think genuinely for the sake of your gf either learn how to self control your emotions or leave her for her wellbeing. What happens if she gives birth and u have to wait weeks or she gets ill. If u cannot wait a little more that u r starting eye up other women u r better off single. Leave that girl alone
I recommend you read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD. There a lot of good information about the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire.
All the “ad nauseam” talk isn’t going to help if you don’t understand the differences in the types of desires. She could no more talk your libido down in as much as you could talk hers libido up. You need to develop techniques to coexist sexually without either of you becoming resentful.
Do you work out or do any kind of physical activity? Could be a healthy solution to your frustration levels and I am sure, if you don’t, she would appreciate it somewhat :)) other than that I gots to say I got no advice for you. Mismatched libido is a bitch to handle tho!!!! If it’s really getting to the point where you are feeling resentful towards her because of it, it might be a good time to talk it out and, perhaps, end the relationship? Shit prolly isn’t gonna change and I don’t know how healthy it is for you to feel resentment towards your girl, or her seeing you being resentful towards her, for something that’s perfectly normal/natural
She’s not responsible for your orgasms, or sexual satisfaction. Find a way to masturbate that you really enjoy, look into toys, those can be a lot of fun. Put some effort into having a good sex life with yourself, it will definitely improve your sexlife with her!
Edit: high testosterone can also cause a lot of health issues, from acne, oily skin, heart problems , to sleep problems and headaches, so if you think your testosterone is too high definitely get that checked out. There’s solutions for that!