– Met online, dated for a month
– She was warm, flirty, and engaging. She started hinting at a relationship and discussing bf/gf stuff
– I asked her to be my gf. She said yes
Context: She moved to my east coast town from 2800 miles west for a job. She hasn’t really been liking the job, and doesnt know anybody here. I asked her how she likes it here, and if she wants to move back. She couldnt really answer one way or the other. I made it clear I didnt want to live in Oregon or date long distance, and dont want a casual relationship.
– A couple days after becoming “official” her friend in Oregon fell off a cliff in a horrific climbing accident. Her job didnt give her the time off to go back and visit. She didnt tell me about the accident right away but this is the day she became cold towards me.
– A couple days later she dumped me via text. Here are the texts.
**”I’ve been thinking. And I’m just not in the right head space to commit to a relationship right now. I genuinely thought I was, but with everything that has happened in my life and how I’m feeling it’s not fair to you. I don’t know what I want with my life right now and I don’t want to give you false hope if I do decide to move back west in the near future. You deserve better than that”
“It was fast, but that’s not the issue. I had some personal stuff come up this past week that put me in a bad space. I’ve been crying myself to sleep at night for the past 4 nights because I can’t be where I need to be right now”
” I need some time to get things sorted out. Maybe once I get a better handle on stuff we can reconnect and see how we’re feeling about each other. But I don’t want you to have to wait for me because I don’t know when that’s going to happen”**
So, my thinking is that what happened, from her perspective was; Disliking job + Homesickness + Friend in accident + Job wont let her visit = Fuck this place entirely = I cant lead my new BF down this path or date anyone here seriously.
OR
Was she just not in to me? Shes not on dating apps and it doesnt look like an EX came back. So idk. The reason matters. “I cant date anyone right now” is not “I dont want you”.
4 comments
Give her time and space, if she messages you in a few weeks or months great but the last thing she needs is a needy ex begging for her back.
Maybe the odd message to say you’re thinking of her and hope she’s ok is fine but otherwise respect her decision.
It’s just dumb bad luck man. All you can do is move on to someone else. If she really really liked you she would have stayed….she didn’t. Find someone else.
>>> I made it clear that I didn’t want to live in Oregon or date long distance, and don’t want a casual relationship.
You sound pretty demanding and inflexible in this sentence. I can imagine she finally realized this and regretted sacrificing her social connections and maybe even her mental health to fly across the country in order to be with you. Then again, I noticed that a lot of women seem willing to sacrifice everything to be with a partner. I don’t get it. If a guy can’t meet me halfway, then we shouldn’t meet at all.
If you won’t move to Oregon or date long distance, why does the reason matter? She won’t tell you. She’s had her say.
Sorry for your heartbreak.