I feel like a lot of the men I’ve been talking to online are very non-commital/sound bored in our texting. If they aren’t bringing their A conversation game to texts, then is it even worth going on a first date? I get that everyone is burnt out on dating, but isn’t a tiny bit of effort required?
I’m not that excited to speak to a ton of strangers, but I can at least form a proper sentence and know how to arrange a meet up. My mind is seriously blown at the low-effort I’m getting from some guys right now.
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I would use dating apps as a means to find people to meet and not judge too much based on texting conversation. If they are not arranging a meet up or interested in efficiently planning one then move on.
It is worth going. Some people are dry texters before a first date as to not seem overly clingy, etc
Texting is a means to set up a date, not to get to know someone. Exchange details and information and get off the phone, especially for a first date. It’s super easy to say something wrong and ruin something before it gets started.
it depends how low the effort is. if they can’t even bother replying in coherent sentences, i don’t bother. it’s terribly disrespectful and shows their attitude if they can’t be bothered to reply in complete sentences to a simple msg. technically, they should want to put their best foot forward always (since this is the beginning of your interaction).
I mean are your texts like this:
hru?
i’m great what about you?
good
if so, hard pass LMAO otherwise, i would just be mindful that not all guys are texters and that texting is always confusing. i’d be open minded and go on an actual date and see how it goes from there
It’s a bit early to write him off completely, but I would be extra critical on the date itself to see if he displays genuine interest in you as a person and can hold a conversation. Many people don’t like to text much, as you see in some of the comments here, but still, low-effort texting is never a good sign, at most it’s a neutral sign.
After a few texts of just saying ok, yeah, or any other one word responses I stop texting
I may be able to give perspective, but can’t generalize.
I’m a dude, and I hate texting strangers. I text fine with people I know but I’d rather meet up soon than text forever to convince people to meet up. Don’t get me wrong though, I try to be engaging, it’s just that if the expectation is to impress and text a lot before meeting I can’t do that. I mean at that point the other party is just a stranger, I don’t want to go super flirty or super deep conversation. Just confirm that they’re nice people and are not organ mafia then it’s all good.
if DOT can teach you one thing, it’s that people can text a lot and ghost you randomly – people can also text a little and be committed in person.
Personally I find it harder and harder to connect to people via text as an adult if I haven’t met them IRL, so as long as they can get a few sentences out I don’t really care or hold it against someone.
That said if someone doesn’t seem like they want to go on a date after a few days I usually just forget to reply at some point and it dies. I’m not totally sure if you’re talking about people having bad texting game, or people doing the thing where they barely respond because they want the convo to die but they don’t want to verbally pull the plug.
Edit to say: I try (though sometimes fail) to visualize the apps as a room full of single guys I’m walking up to/are walking up to me, like a meetup group. I expect that even if the person looks attractive, a lot of convos will last a minute and then I want to move on and it would feel less exhausting than it does in text. At least in text you don’t need to pretend to go to the bathroom to end it if it’s blah.
If someone is trying to make actual plans, I wouldn’t assume low effort based on lackluster texts. Some people just don’t like to text.
If you’re unsure about someone why not suggest a call or video chat? Most apps have these options. It’ll be easier to gauge their communication style before committing to an in-person date.
I had an 8-month relationship result from a guy that sucked at texting but planned a date asap.
I have completely forgotten how. Not that I was any good at it to begin with… so if you run into me, forgive my not knowing what to say lol.
I feel your pain. I always have this discussion in my head too when I encounter people like that but I always convince myself to give it a chance and go. Be prepared though that it might turn out that you are right and the low effort continues on the date. Or it could turn out better than you expected. You won’t find out unless you go though.
It’s kind of a personal assessment. Are they appealing enough that you’re willing to risk the date being awful on the chance the date could be good? They could be the love of your life but it’s more likely you go on a lot of meh dates that deplete you of energy for your better dates.
I’m a distant texter, but only once we get a mild rapport and figure out plans. If they’re not asking me questions, then I drop it after maybe 1-2 exchanges.
I personally hate text conversations! Im a much better conversationalist in person and charming. There’s not enough personality in back and forth texting, I can’t see the person’s reactions what’s being said, how what I’m saying is being taken, if they are even interested at all or just using the conversation to pass time!
I can’t “feel” if we’re vibing or not through a phone screen and not to mention, we’re all usual busy living our life so some people just don’t text back timely enough to keep a decent conversation going!
And to top it all off, I’m a dry texting mofo! 🤷♂️
P2P is the best for me.
Peoples texting type often doesn’t match their in person personality. I’d say give it a shot and see what they’re like!
Omg. I feel seen reading this. Thank you for posting this! I question this too. It bothers me. Lately I have just been not meeting up with these types. I don’t know if it’s the right answer. Still single. But I’d rather be than with a low effort zero enthusiasm guy…
I generally don’t text very much before a first date, but my communication increases with each subsequent date until it builds up to frequent texting. I am very focused and present on the phone, video and in-person. Quality time means more to me than texting.
I also find it a weird obligation until I get to know someone IRL, it seems like too much to be available 24/7 that early (especially with ghosting and lots of guys that just want sex, tit pics, easy distraction, or who never intend to meet). To me it’s an empty time investment that distracts me from IRL responsibilities and leisure time.
Plus, you can text great but still not get on in-person or feel attraction. No-one is “real” to me until we have met, although I do have good online working relationships with remote colleagues I’ve never met in-person, having just that in a romantic/sexual context is alien to me.
I hated texting guys like this when I was single. One word responses trigger my rejection sensitivity to say the least lol. One of my favorite things about texting my now husband was that he used explanation marks and emojis. I told him how much I appreciated his texting tone on our second date hah
I always unmatched with bored dudes. Just didn’t work for me, I value my time too much to go meet them and filter which ones will be less bored IRL and which ones won’t. I also wanted to cut the “I am a bad texter” BS early so I only met people who weren’t bad texters even before we met.
I’m a terrible texter for personal stuff but a good conversationalist (maybe why).
That said, I’ll always admit I’m bad at texting and suggest a video call early on if I’m interested and as soon as basic responsiveness is there. I’ll also be responsive to planning to meet up (responsive being usually same day, rarely more than 24hrs to respond) and one word “meh” isn’t a good sign imho.
Also don’t forget the 35+ guys who look like they might have done ok in life will often have chatty matches who want to text all day and stall on video or meetup that are scam profiles.
It’s all fun and games until they get you on their whatsapp and open every day with “Hello dear how r u my love have u sent money my brother is unwell i miss u my dear”
Try a phone call first to see if there is personality chemistry
If a grown man dares to text me “WYD”….I’m out!!!!
I don’t use texting to have conversations before a first date. I only use it too set up the date.
Omg, this. I HATE this… Half of the guys on dating apps will ask for your number and then barely make an efford to even talk to you. I feel like it’s an ego thing, they want to feel like they have tons of options available for them b/c it’s easier than to use the apps.
Nowadays if he’s being boring/barely replying after a couple of days having my number, I just delete theirs and move on.
What sort of non-committal texts are you referring to exactly? I think if you are trying to get to know someone over text, it is a very poor method of doing so. See how you click with them in person.
My experience has always been that if they are bored on texting it usually translates to irl too.
I lose interest if they don’t ask about me, ask questions or can hold a conversation.
I don’t go on dates I’m not the least interested in, so if I’m not feeling like he can communicate on text, I pass.
Texting is also important to me so yeah