My (29f) brother (38m) and I have had an almost non existent relationship my entire life. My family went through a nasty divorce when I was 3 and he was 12. We got split up and I went with my mom and he went with my dad. Long story short we had no contact for Almost 2 decades. However, I’ve tried to put in some effort to get a relationship going. I typically always reach out for his birthday and I’ve invited him over to my house, my wedding, I dropped in (asking to do so) at his house to give my niece and him a bday gift … and I’ve msged him to just say hey and see how things are but … he’s never once reached out to say hi and ask me how things are or invite me to lunch to get to know one another… it’s always me initiating. He mentioned last year he thinks we could rebuild a relationship but does nothing to put any effort into it … I just feel like at the most basic level why wouldn’t someone (your brother) not just reciprocate to ask how you are? I would feel like an utter arsehole… I don’t get it can anyone explain what might be going through his head? How can someone be so cold.
**TL,DR**~my older brother hasn’t initiated any conversations or meet ups with me but has come over or msged me back any time I initiate … I can’t tell if he wants a relationship or doesn’t based on his actions.
5 comments
Clearly you want the relationship more than your brother. I won’t be bothered by this question. If you need him and like to hang out with him, then ask for it.
As someome who chose to just not reach out or stay in touch with my sisters over the years, he could just be busy, or he could just not really care. I know that sounds rough but family isn’t important to everyone. I’m part of the latter and iv ignored messages over the years on purpose.
My brother is 10 years older than me and I hate his guts for being a abusive and toxic person when growing up
He has attempted to make amends or reach out on birthdays, etc but I don’t want him in my life and it would be easier if he accepted that
I don’t ever want to talk to him. Just thinking about him puts me in a bad mood. So that’s my story of why I don’t talk to my bro or care of him
Um it can be that he truly don’t care or maybe he has a family and just never gets around to it. But what if you aren’t his actual brother, I only ask this cause of the divorce but maybe I’m just trippin. Maybe his dad told him, has he reached out to your mom at all?
Unfortunately, he said what he did to placate you. If you want to understand intention, follow behavior not words.
I’m sorry, it sucks, but you’re brother doesn’t know you, and just being blood relatives isn’t of much importance to him.
Take the finite time you have to tend to reciprocal relationships.