Heeey. I’m wondering about the difference between baby talk and infatilization in romantic relationships and how either can make a person feel. Obviously, everyone is different and has their own unique boundaries. But I’m interested in it in terms of the motivation behind the one doing the baby talk or infantilization.
Where do you draw the line from healthy, sweet, vulnerability in a relationship and terms of endearment, to full blown abuse and intentionally wanting control and destroying the other persons self esteem and ability to make decisions?
Again, obviously we are all different but how can you pinpoint what is ok and what isnt? And what if the person on the recieving end just feels bad about it because of low self esteem, or is there a legitimate attempt at infatilizing them occurring?
I’ve been feeling unsettled, less confident and had some thoughts about my relationship. I want to work out what may or may not be happening and how it is I’m going to approach it with my partner. Otherwise I’ll probably bring it up and get too emotional or angry and back away from the conversation. I want to do some research and take a step back to look at things first.
Ultimately, it seems baby talk can be seen as a positive. It can be endearing and strengthen a bond (as long as both people are into it of course) and obviously theres going into roles. And I kind of like being cutesy and pet names.
But then if someone covers your eyes during a sex scene in a film and says “no youre too delicate, youre too precious.” Is that a step too far? If it wasnt previously discussed and going into a role I mean? And saying things like “you’re too precious, too lovely, delicate, cute” Which wouldnt be too bad but maybe it was excessive. Part of me kind of liked it but maybe I just cant handle it because of being treated like an idiot child growing up? Its almost triggering but nice at the same time. This was pretty much as soon as we got together. I recently flipped it in my head and imagined if it had been me to do that to him… I just couldnt imagine doing it. Is it because he’s a man and 9 years older? Is that why he did it to me?
That combined with over explanations, and other things, I think has really messed with my head. Like…a lot. I had no real sense of self and I’m feeling like its gotten worse and I dont know how to even make decisions or how to even talk sometimes. Been feeling depressed and anxious lately. Did some reading and infantilization can really make a person feel disrespected. Yet baby talk can build a strong bond and be healthy. Wheres the line?
What’s your experience with baby talk/infantilization (if any). Do you like it or not and where do you draw the line? When does it go from endearment and respect to to an attempt at gaining control and power?
Tldr: Have you experienced baby talk/infantilization in romantic relationships? If so, how does/did it make you feel and where do you draw the line? Have you ever felt patronised by it or think that you would if that line was crossed? When does it go from endearment and respect to to an attempt at gaining control and power?
6 comments
When i was in my early 30’s i dated an older guy who used baby talk in a way i had not experienced before, he would sometimes speak to me in this like… idk cutesy voice that made it clear i was small and cute and little and he was taking care of me. TBH, it drove me fucking NUTS because that’s not who i am, or in any way did it kind of have anything to do with our dynamic? Idk.
Later on, i heard him speaking to his 7-yr old daughter (who i had not met, i did not have a relationship with his children) and he used the SAME voice with her. It gave me the ick big time.
Other issues came up and i told him i saw no future, then he stopped using the voice entirely and his regular voice was just kinda cold all of the time and i missed it – because then i knew it was a sign of affection and how he was thinking about me – kindly or not kindly.
But girl he was a raging narcissist and it was overall manipulative and bad. Now i take it as a yellow flag if someone talks to me in a way that is out of context to the relationship or situation.
>Where do you draw the line from healthy, sweet, vulnerability in a relationship and terms of endearment, to full blown abuse and intentionally wanting control and destroying the other persons self esteem and ability to make decisions?
It is pretty simple really.
If you feel it’s sweet and healthy and you like it, it’s fine.
If you feel you are being intentionally abused and infantilized, it’s not okay, and you should tell him to stop immediately.
I can’t stand it. I didn’t like it when I was a kid (as long as I can remember), and as an adult it makes me uncomfortable. My partner does a mild version of it sometimes, and I can manage it because it’s pure endearment.
I feel like baby talk indicates decreased agency and respect. I’m sure that people experience it in varying ways. However, it doesn’t sound like your dynamic is healthy. If you feel sick, protect yourself. Think about why later.
What protecting yourself is, in your particular case, I don’t know.
As with most things in relationships, the key word is “consent.” I, personally, do not like being spoken to like a child. Some people really like it, and if they communicate that to their partner, then it can be a very sweet thing. If this sort of behavior isn’t something you like, or you haven’t asked for it, then it shouldn’t be inflicted on you. (Dynamics like this can get into the realm of age play, which is a kink that should be openly discussed and never done without consent. And covering your eyes like you’re a little child and he’s your parent definitely smacks of age play.)
>I had no real sense of self and I’m feeling like its gotten worse and I dont know how to even make decisions or how to even talk sometimes. Been feeling depressed and anxious lately.
This sounds like some red flags that you’re not feeling respected, validated, or safe. Definitely have a talk about boundaries. More importantly, if he won’t respect boundaries you set, you shouldn’t stay with him.
You already posted this a month ago and got dozens of replies. You don’t need to just keep posting this.
I went out on a 3 or 4 dates with a guy I felt was speaking baby talk to me. Finally, I heard him speak to his 5 yr old on the club phone in the same voice and I just told him I didn’t think things would work out between us. It totally creeped me out.