My friend, who has lived through abuse herself from a parent, has a brother with two children. They are elementary school age and currently live with their father (my friend’s brother).
Like a lot of people our age, she has a private Instagram and writes very personal experiences/thoughts. We’ve known for a while that her brother is kind of scummy and multiple times she’s mentioned the ways her brother is physically abusing his children.
My friend has tried to confront her brother about it, but it sounds like she’s afraid of him and possible retaliation. I think in her family it’s also… kind of brushed over? She can’t be the only one who’s noticed.
She’s taken a video of marks on his body and mentioned specific incidents. But I know that oftentimes, if things are already this isolated the abuser can retaliate. CPS can be incompetent. If my friend found that I was the one who tried to anonymously report, she could feel like it’s a breach of trust. (We’re good close enough that I would be open to asking her if she’d like me to report it before doing anything.)
I’ve never experienced anything like that myself, but reading her testimonies is honestly upsetting and I’m getting more frustrated that nobody is doing anything. I feel like her attempts to confront him or try to manage her brother are futile, and we cannot enable abusers. Period.
Anyone who was a child or works for CPS have insight on maybe the right way to go about this? I feel like my friend and I are close enough that I could get away with claiming she never told me and I figured it out myself. Idk. Help!
TL;DR! Evidence that friend’s brother has been physically abusive to his children and she’s confronted him but hasn’t involved outside authorities. I’m thinking about submitting an anonymous tip. Bad idea?
4 comments
Really kind of a side note—but I have family who works in our State’s department of human services so I feel more confident that I could have traction and the support of someone who would as interested in this case as I am
If you believe that a helpless child is being abused, report it. It’s really that simple.
Absolutely and I’m surprised no one else has. It can be done anonymously.
I’d recommend you make a report to CPS, especially if you feel children are in physical danger. Kids have died because adults have felt conflicted or were unaware of the severity of the abuse. However, I would not expect fantastic long-term outcomes from CPS’s involvement. At the very least (which is usually as much as CPS is able to do), it gets documented if that info will be relevant in the future.
When I was a mandated reporter, I was not obligated to tell people I was going to make a report and would often use my best judgement. If you decide to make a report, it’s your decision whether to tell the friend. You can try to broach the subject and have them fill out the anonymous report with you or find another way to make them comfortable hopping on board. You could just do it on your own and tell no one. Just be prepared that this could possibly be the end of your friendship either route.
I do not envy your situation. I do not think that Reddit can make this moral judgement for you, especially since none of us are going to live with the consequences. But as someone who has loved ones who were physically abused as kids, that shit can ruin your life if it doesn’t kill you. Even if some Superman can’t save them as children, some acknowledgment from anyone signaling what is happening is not ok can be an emotional anchor later in life.