Did you have a wedding? Did you elope? Do you wish you did the opposite?

24 comments

1. A wedding is the exchange of vows, everything else is secondary. I went to one that was on the beach and we were all barefoot in pirate costume. So do what works for you. This is for the two of you..

   My wife’s side of the family was disappointed we didn’t have 300 people. We had 99 instead and it was traditional, but my parent’s wedding gift paid for two thirds of the cost. It still is the best party I have ever been to, because it is what the 2 of us wanted and nothing more. My dad kept saying we should keep the cash and elope and he would handle my mother, but he had the biggest smile I ever saw on him when we completed our vows.

2. We got married at the courthouse, just us two, and it was perfect. It’s exactly what we wanted.

3. We got married at the courthouse, then went to lunch at our favorite Greek restaurant to celebrate. Neither of us were keen on the whole wedding thing, so it worked well for us.

4. My wife and I had a courthouse wedding, but that was a very last minute decision forced upon us by my side of the family. Looking back, I don’t mind it and we saved the money that would’ve been spent on the wedding and put it towards our first house instead.

   But the story was that we were in a long distance relationship and working out the logistics for her to move in with me. A couple of weeks before the big move, we told both our families that she was moving in with me, that I was proposing to her, and she would be living with me while we plan out a wedding. Everyone was fine with that except my step father, who made it abundantly clear that an unmarried couple living in the same house is unchristian and he wouldn’t tolerate it. He was so mad about this choice that he demanded that I rent her out a separate apartment for her to live in during the duration of the engagement so we weren’t being sinful to him. That absolutely wasn’t going to happen, but we didn’t want to piss him off either and start my wife’s entry into the family on the wrong foot.

   We talked about it and agreed that if his problem was us being unmarried, then we can just get married at the courthouse as soon as her plane lands. We brought that before my stepdad and he was perfectly okay with that plan, so long as we get married immediately. So her plane landed, I proposed to her as soon as we set her bags down in my apartment, and we got our marriage license notarized and filed with the court as fast as we would. The only ceremony we had was a dinner with my family where we had a cake and a catering order from a local italian place. Still the best day of my life.

   There was around $20k we saved up over our relationship in order to pay for a nice wedding, but in the end we decided to put that towards the down payment on our first house instead and moved out of my apartment. Overall, that was the best decision looking back.

5. Save the money for a house!

   We had a small wedding. Fifty people. Off season and on a Sunday. The dress I loved was a white prom dress on clearance for $50. I did the whole wedding for $6k. But that’s still a lot of money for one party. I already owned a home, but if I were in your shoes I would elope and save the money. If it was your dream then that’s different, but it doesn’t sound like it is.

6. I’m not a fan of going into debt for weddings or spending that much on one day, so I’m jaded to the drama of your special day.

   First marriage (made in hell) was a formal wedding, all the bells and whistles, 100 guest in the Christian broadcasting channel chapel.
   With a fancy and I mean fancy dinner afterwards. No wedding hall for this princess. Fancy honey moon, thank you storm that canceled our flights 😂

   It’s was stupid and the marriage lasted 3 years.

   I’m 50’s now and my dad will still not tell me how much it cost, I know it was a lot. He keeps saying that was between me and the grooms
   Father 😂

   My Second marriage, his first ( not perfect 30 years still going). He asked how do you want the wedding I said small/simple, I asked what do you want. He said I don’t care I just want you. We decided on justice of the peace, called his family and mine with a date. His mom was pissed and I mean pissed. My parents show up his didn’t. My dad took us out to lunch, we took off time to be alone, he made the details of where and his mom later threw a party in her backyard of everyone she knew, it was sweet and what she needed. It wasn’t us.

   So basically if you don’t want to do this thing don’t. If someone feels the need to be extra
   Allow them and tell them I’m happy you can plan it all.

   Make it special to you two and what you both really want.

7. I got married at the courthouse, had a small reception at the Eagles hall, my Mom & aunts fixed the food-buffet style. Lucky enough that one of my aunts was a cake decorator and gifted our cake. We didn’t even have a DJ, just a portable stereo & one our friends played the music. Keg beer, a few cases of wine & some mixers. That was it.

   It’s lasted 39 years so far. IMO, the vows matter, the wrapping paper doesn’t.

8. We had your traditional decently sized wedding. A bit over 100 guests. 8 members in our bridal party (10 if you include us). It was a lovely day. Stressful leading up to it. We had it at church even though we’re not religious because it was important to my parents. It was a lovely day and we felt very loved.

   That said….

   If we could do it all again, we wouldn’t do that. We’d do much smaller. Best man and maid of honor only for a wedding party. Wedding in a lovely intimate location, with our own vows, and a much more casual location to just enjoy dinner or drinks after. 40 guests or less.

   Because honestly? It wasn’t a waste of money I guess, but it kind of was. Because 15 years later, and our wedding day probably doesn’t even crack the top ten of our favorite/most meaningful moments in our marriage. It was a day to celebrate us, but we’ve had so many celebratory moments since!

9. We had a teeny tiny outdoor wedding in my now mother in law’s front yard (which is small but overlooks a National park so it’s very private and beautiful).

   We invited very few guests (20 + kids) and didn’t have a bridal party or anything like that. We fed everyone afterwards with a little buffet we made ourselves – a bunch of roast chickens and rolls and salads… we had a few tubs filled with ice and booze for everyone. We played a playlist my husband put together filled with love songs he’d never *actually* admit to liking.

   The whole thing cost around $1500 including the dress.

   The celebrant was the biggest cost. I used a hair and make-up woman from Airtasker (who was *excellent*), bought my dress from Etsy, and the photographer was gifted to us by my MIL; they worked together and she was just “getting back into” photography so she cost around $150 and astonishingly the results were absolutely *incredible*.

   It was a beautiful day and really, really special to me. It was perfect for us.

   In contrast my sister in law had been married the year before and had a GIANT wedding with 250+ guests at a special venue designed for weddings. It was the most extravagant wedding I had ever seen; every inch looked like it belonged in a celebrity-wedding magazine spread. It was a really fantastic day, and completely gorgeous, but it cost her $60,000 and at the end of it all they’re no more “married” than we are.

   ETA: we spent *way* more on the honeymoon than we did the wedding.. and we remember both extremely fondly.

10. Courthouse. I didn’t care about the tradition. Going without the big expensive wedding let us have several vacations and a house much sooner. I hate being strapped for funds. The ceremony takes less than 5 minutes. Why should anyone suffer for years to make a huge deal out of it?

11. Got married in a courthouse ceremony, having a Catholic wedding with reception in 8 weeks. With inflation and wedding season of the century being what it is, I am currently very much wishing I had NOT planned a wedding…

12. We got married in the church I grew up in. Reception also in the church hall. We didn’t spend money we didn’t need to. It was all about the vows.

    She borrowed her sister’s wedding dress. Her sister baked the cake. No alcohol, no DJ. Just a gathering and catered meal for 100 family members and close friends. Exactly what we wanted.

13. I work at a wedding venue so I hate weddings. When it was time for me to get married, it was just the two of us and an officiant in the garden outside of the courthouse. We went to dinner afterwards at Applebee’s. Best day ever!!

14. We did have a ceremony: less than 100 guests, hors d’oeuvres instead of a meal, at a country club with a covered outdoor area for the ceremony next to the dining area. Looking back at all the stress and money involved to not even get my “dream” wedding, I wish we had taken the money and had a nice honeymoon.

    If you do decide to have a ceremony, spend the money to get the photographer you want, and make a list of different pictures you absolutely want; it’s the only thing you will have when the party’s over. My parents wouldn’t pay for the photographer I really wanted, so we went with the cheapest option. They didn’t ask for a list of different pictures we wanted, so I don’t have any pictures of me with just my parents and sister. So now I tell all future brides to make sure the photographer and videographer are ones they really like the style of, and to make a list.

15. We didn’t have a wedding and I regret it. My wife though does not care.

16. We did a destination wedding/honeymoon, and it was just the two of us. We were in our early 20s, and my parents were going to pay for the wedding. We started planning the traditional wedding I always wanted, but a few things changed my mind: 1) my husband and I have huge extended families and I didn’t want to leave anyone out, 2) I didn’t want to financially burden my parents, and 3) my husband hates being the center of attention. Our parents were cool with us eloping, and it ended up being a great decision for us. This was over 10 years ago now, and I’m so glad we didn’t go through the expense and stress of a huge wedding. I sometimes wish I had wedding day photos with our families, but otherwise I wouldn’t change our decision at all.

17. My husband and I decided on a Thursday to get married on Saturday, 6 months before the date we had planned our wedding. I don’t regret either of them and loved my wedding and all that went into it

18. Microwedding? Gives u the wedding vibes with a bit more of an elopement type event. You get some pretty things, but can be nicer than bbq in a field. Pick your top 10/15 fam or friends and have a fun night that way.

19. We did our wedding in a local, which was risky but free. Risky because I reserved it technically but there were still people there we had to kindly kick out. Only invited close family and friends and had lunch after. We did have minimal decorations as well at the ceremony. The only flowers that were real were in my bouquet and the ones our parents wore. We opted out of doing bridesmaids and groomsmen.

    The reception later that day was in my MIL’s back yard. Nothing crazy, my in laws are middle class like mine and we kept the decorations and food simple. Got what we could for free or rented it. Saved a lot of money.

    It’s all up to you. Personally I like things small and low key. If I could’ve I wouldn’t have invited as many people to the reception but that’s because I am socially anxious and get burnt out. But I knew it would make my mom happy to invite some of her friends and family and same with my husbands side. Some people like big weddings and if you can afford it or if someone is paying, by all means do it. Personally I don’t care and was really happy with how mine turned out. Our honeymoon was also free because we knew someone who let us use their family cabin. If they didn’t let us do that we would’ve done something local anyways.

20. We saved up to buy a house first and then had a wedding. We wanted to do it small and more “like a party” than a traditional wedding. Battling what everyone else thought a wedding should be was the most difficult part. (Especially from my side of the family.) We rented out a brewery, had open bar and had our best friend marry us. We spent about 10K. I splurged the most on the food & drinks since that’s what I felt as most important. It was great but if I were to do it again I would probably do something smaller. It was really really stressful because my family was so opinionated and couldn’t just let us do our thing. Too many expectations are put on weddings. If I were in your position I would pick mortgage over marriage at first anyways!

21. We had an elodding🤣

    We’d been engaged for 5 months and he would jokingly ask me pretty frequently “Hey wanna get married?” And I’d be like “we have to plan first.”

    And then one day he asked and I was just like “actually yeah, let’s do it”

    So instead of driving myself crazy and spending a whole bunch of money, we spent 1k total and had 5 days to plan. (We have a friend who owned a small theater AND is ordained, so that helped tremendously)

    Everything worked out, it was beautiful, we had about 50 guests. Wouldn’t go back and change a single thing.

22. Have a small wedding and have everyone come together to celebrate at a park for a reception on a different date. Rent a covered pavilion, they’re cheap, and get some food and music.

23. Eloped just the 2 of us in a national park! Wouldn’t changed a thing. Went out to dinner in our wedding attire and went back to our cabin and drank by fire! Seen too many friends stressing over weddings and weddings where the couple barely spends time together. We wanted no part in that. Do what’s best for you as a couple and DONT worry about what family/friends think.

24. My husband and I got married at city hall with my immediate family members (his family lives in another country) – then we all went to our favourite fancy restaurant and each got every single thing we wanted. Drinks, appetizers, dinner, desserts. My parents footed the dinner bill as their wedding gift to us, but we gladly would have paid for it. Zero regrets! I’ve had many friends tell me they wish they’d gone with something smaller like we did.