So I wanna keep this as short and simple as I can. Basically I’m 9 months pregnant and my husband and I haven’t had sex or have done anything sexual since I was about 4 months. Everytime I’ve brought it up it’s always a different excuse, “idk how we would do it” “it’s hard because you’re big” and “maybe I need to see a doctor for ED”.. just a few days ago I asked him “don’t you miss the feeling of having sex and that certain kind of intimacy?” He responded with yes but just feels weird about it. I’ve even tried to get him to shower with me and his response was “I just don’t think we’d both fit in there because of your belly” which left me like okay I give up.. recently I’ve been trying to induce labor naturally as I’m coming towards the end and my mother in law brought up sex. I didn’t say much but I kinda just laughed it off and was like yea right I wish it’s been months, she was so shocked and even said “please don’t tell me my son is one of those guys. Cause if that’s the case me and (stepfathers name) probably have a better sex life than you guys and that’s sad” and I don’t disagree. Even before I was pregnant my husband never really had much of a drive and now that my drive is higher than ever because of all the hormones it’s just extra annoying to me how he’s never budged or attempted to try anything with me.
22 comments
Can’t believe he’d just say he’s not attracted to you because you’re pregnant like that. What an asshole man, I’m sorry.
It’s okay I’ve been there. My fiance is on HRT and after about 2 years on it she reached a plateau of low interest. You’re not alone. I have a high sex drive naturally and due to my medications I have trouble masturbating. She didn’t want any sex not me pleasuring her or her pleasuring me, nothing.
You really need to communicate clearly that you’re concerned and frustrated. If he doesn’t want intercourse maybe oral or other foreplay.
I hope he will remember the sadness and frustration he’s causing you now when he wants to get back in there and/or enjoy your breasts before you’re ready postpartum.
You need to have a open talk with your husband. You need to ask him what he is into. Don’t shame him in anything he is into, even if it is kinky. If you’re willing to share any kinks with him, he will be much happier and his sex drive with you will be better.
No offence here, but your mother in law shouldn’t be comparing your sex life to hers. Every couple is different, has different needs and issues. Comparing is always a great way to cause stress on your relationship.
A low sex drive can be caused by so many things. It doesn’t sound like you guys are taking the time to find out what might be the real cause of his low sex drive. It could me a multi factor of things. Stress? Anxiety? Worry? Hormone issues?
Of course not having sex can be frustrating and upsetting especially because your drive is high at the moment and I feel for you. But it sounds like something else is going on that you two aren’t exploring if his drive was previously on the lower side before the pregnancy..
His rudeness to the mother of his child aside, men aren’t the simple boner-driven sex maniacs television has spent generations convincing the world we are. Especially past puberty. With all humans, sexual stimulation begins and ends in our minds. He has some hang ups. It’s probably not his fault, and if I were you, I’d consider perhaps cutting the guy some slack in the rope he’s tryna shoot pool with. Especially considering the indicator of his mom. If she raised him with the sort of pressure and disregard she’s shown him with you, I wouldn’t be surprised that some of his self-doubt and performance anxiety can be traced back to HER. Wish you well. Hope this works out, because a child needs to see affectionate parents.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to have sex with you now that you’re visibly pregnant. Maybe he finds pregnancy unatttavtive, or he’s uncomfortable knowing the baby is inside you. He might feel protective of you while you’re pregnant and not attracted. You should ask him if the pregnancy is the issue.
Not to be mean, but why isn’t this in a sex or pregnancy-related subreddit?
As a dude there’s a shit ton of things that could be the problem and women don’t often know that but take low drive as an “I’m not attractive” problem. If the guy doesn’t even know what the problem is and he’s just told it’s because he’s not attracted when actually he is it can cause major turmoil… I had low T for a while and a gf that thought I was bored of her 😅😅 lots of arguments, good luck OP
Also, wtf is wrong with his mom. Not cool of her to say shit like that
have you gained extra weight as well as baby weight?
First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this during such an emotional time. May I ask if this was a planned pregnancy or did it just happen?? Also, if it was not planned, had you guys discussed the possibility of becoming a family yet, or was that not on the table? Reason for asking is if it was not planned, he could be in his own feelings regarding becoming a father. You have to ask yourself if you two are on the same page. He could be having his own sort of things he is dealing with emotionally and although I am a woman, just because you are pregnant, doesn’t throw him and his feelings, needs, desires, etc to the side as if they don’t matter.
I know pregnancy is supposed to be a time to worship and kiss moms ass to keep her in good spirits, but so many times our men get put on the back burner and only focus on our feelings, or our wants, our desires,blah blah blah. Ladies, the last thing we should do is to make our men feel like they don’t matter cause we are with child.
But all that aside, there is a way to have a conversation about intimacy, or the lack thereof, without coming across the wrong way. I would say that the first thing you should do is talk to him and turn off your phone or computer and not worry about a bunch of strangers opinions.
Good luck darling
RIP dudet.
He is just uncomfortable with the baby in your belly. He probably feels like he has to be very careful and is scared of hurting it.
You’re 9 months, so it’s not gonna be long now. When the baby is born, he will probably want to have sex again. He also doesn’t have a high libido so he doesn’t really need sex.
I was recently pregnant too. And it was also around 4 or 5 months when my husband quit wanting to fuck me all the time. But literally the day I gave birth he was begging for it. I then realized it wasn’t his fault, he just didn’t want to have sex while I was really pregnant. It scared him a little, and he said it made him feel weird. Like he was going to hurt our baby. I told him that of course he is not going to hurt her…..but that didn’t change his frame of mind. I now understand that it’s just different for some men once we get past a certain point…
Tbh is mustn’t be easy to have sex with someone who’s holding a baby inside them
That said he could have chosen kinder words
Very sorry that your in law said something so insensitive at such a hard time.
Sorry that your dealing with this. Each guy is just different it seems and you never know which way it’s going to go.
Does your husband feel like he has low self esteem around you? Is her over ‘gentlemanly.’ My sister had this issue. Still does since bubs been born. But her husband is just too nice. He’s always scared he’s going to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable.
Some guys are worried that they’ll be judged for ‘getting off’ in a pregnant woman like they have some sort of baby fetish. My brother was like that I think he felt like he was worried people would think he was a pedophile. (Our mums father is a pedophile so my brother has this thing he’s scared that people that think these things are inherited will judge him as one.)
My hubby was doing it with me til the day I was due and 2 weeks after the birth. The only thing I can differentiate is he’s suuuuper open and comfortable with me. Nothing is off limits between him and I. Unless I say it hurts.
Maybe have an open honest chat and see what’s on his mind about it??
That was a weird comment for her to make
Tell him to stop masturbating and quit porn becuse it’s affecting your relationship. Stop discussing your sex life with family. Make sex fun and spontaneous again, try and take the pressure out of it. Get his testosterone checked out, get him on zinc, no booze, get healthier and eat better. Last, and I hate to say it: he may just be a lazy asshat who doesn’t like when his partner’s weight fluctuates. I worry after the weight comes back off and there have been months of no sex, new excuses may pop up and the sexual rejection may cause lasting harm. Good luck little mommy.
Women can have mood swings and low sex drives no body bothers but suddenly a man is on the other end of the stick and you’re annoyed. If you, on the other hand didn’t want to have sex and he did, you’d be here explaining how you’re carrying a baby and he has the audacity to want to have sex.
Say tk him, if you don’t want to have sex with me but want to saty together, then find me a stand in. Pick me 5 guys that would be acceptable to you and I will go with one of them.
Seriously the dead bedroom thing isn’t sustainable unless neither of you have a sex drive.
Don’t let him anywhere near the business end of giving birth – he will never go there again. Once you become a mother some men don’t see you as a sexuual being anymore.. like kne woman tk breed with and a different woman fir their sexual needs… veery edwardian..
It’s not your sex drive now, it’s our sex drive, *extramarital time*