First, this is my 2nd relationship ever. I only have one other relationship to compare against.
Second, here is the story.
I’m 29 M working in tech and making close to 130k. I love my work and have a great career path. I was in a ltr until last year where my ex was making slightly more money than me.
Now i met this girl who im in love with and feel loved by her. Things are so good. Her career path is different and she makes half what i make and that is likely not going to change since her industry is different.
The question is, should this be something I need to be concerned about?
To me, i don’t think I should. But i feel that idk enough to determine the answer.
33 comments
Who cares if she earns more, less or nothing. If you love her and financially you don’t have a problem. Then who gives a shit.
As long as between the two of you you’ll be able to survive (and it seems like the answer is yes) who cares? I’d worry less about her net income and more about whether she’s a hard worker with passion towards her job aka likely to contribute in whatever way she can.
What matters the most in the long run is if you have compatible philosophies on spending and saving money which usually comes down to values. For instance if you stay together forever can you agree on things like how expensive of a house do we want to buy, how expensive of a vacation do we want to go on, can we accept the spending choices each other makes. I think the number someone makes is much less important than whether they are financially responsible
I was in the same situation at your age. Made more than double my ex. I broke it off in part because of the income difference and I regret it a lot. If she’s someone you can see yourself happy with and she’s genuinely making an effort that should be good enough. The money side should be put out of mind. I’m turning 33 soon and trust me; it’s hard to find a good partner.
I make a bit over 300k. My ex wife makes about 100k. Never was an issue but I also never agreed on her stopping work. I say go for it.
My partner makes 110k a year. I make less than 30k. It isn’t an issue unless you make it one.
I feel like you have an advantage here because I’m a woman and in the same boat as you. I make good money and seem to end up dating people who make a lot less, which is no problem for me. But in my case, the men usually feel intimidated and emasculated by it and become insecure and push me away. 🙂 Super fun.
No concern at all. If she’s a decent person that’s all that matters. And that she works hard and cares. Also someday ahead she may be a stay at home parent or part timer but your income is solid. Depending on where you live and you’re good with money you guys should be fine. Good luck.
Well, that’s nt a determinant. Your parameters here should be whether she has the proper financial habits. You could have money bt if you have terrible financial habits then…you. know what happens. I mean money is crucial in any relationship, they may nt make a rtshp bt they definitely could break them. And again if you’re thinking long term with this person, you have to check that…I mean her income could easily increase despite her industry…bt if her habits aren’t good, they just aren’t. Always marry the financially right person
Yes, you should be concerned. But a bigger one is not WHAT a person makes but HOW they spend it. If she makes say $60k and handles it well – then ok. If shes got massive debt because she cant control her spending, now THAT is a red flag. And same for you. You make $130k but does it just go out the door?
Fact is some jobs just pay less but still give the worker just as much satisfaction.
My issue with income gap is that it’s always better when you guys can both afford whatever you guys want to do together. It becomes quite difficult when you start having 3-4 times income difference
Not about how much you make…more about how much in debt you or they are in. Not to mention their current spending habits.
Careful. Since you can support yourself and her, it should be ok if you don’t care. If things get serious, you should discuss a prenup with her. Odds are she won’t like the idea of a prenup so its better to bring it up earlier.
What are your concerns? Between you you’ll have plenty just don’t be one of those people who wants to live the high life and watch her go skint paying halves.
If you want someone to earn as much money as you do, you’d probably have to date a man? Women earn less money than men in average. So just be cool with it
For me, as long as you are both financially stable and can support the lifestyle that each of you have based on what you earn then there should be no problem on that. If you live together, talk about how you want to split the bills or how often one should pay during dates. If I am the girl, I wouldn’t be offended by that since I did not commit to the relationship based on what you earn.
Only you can decide if that’s important to you. One thing you should consider is that if you live together, you will split the costs of living by percentage.
So for example, if you both made the same income, you’d split 50/50, but if you are bringing in 90% of the household income, you will pay 90% of the bills. This is the only way it is fair to both people in the partnership, otherwise one will be in debt while the other one gets rich.
Now, the only reason I’m sharing this is because you should consider what kind of lifestyle you want to maintain and if you can do that with your income alone, then it’s not a problem if your partner earns less. However, if you want to build a certain lifestyle that is above your means, you’ll need to find a partner who makes a certain amount of income.
It’s totally okay for you to want a partner who can contribute to the lifestyle you want to live. However, you may never find that person (or you might find them but the love/connection isn’t there so why does it matter). YOU need to live with the consequences of the decisions you make. So only you can decide if income matters to you or not.
You make $130k, most ppl are going to make significantly less than you even if they’re in a good field. In my opinion, once you make a certain amount you kinda have to accept you will most likely end up the breadwinner (unless you end up with some in the same field).
And for all the comments saying you should get a prenup, I wouldn’t go for that lol but it depends on the woman you’re dating. I don’t plan on working after I have kids so I wouldn’t be dumb enough to get a prenup in my situation. If the relationship ended I’m not going to be left with nothing BUT this is just me. I’m not speaking for other women because if they plan on continuing their career then they don’t need this type of security blanket
So you’re like too rich to date her?
You’re the guy. It will matter far less than if roles were reversed. I was in a relationship like this and what I learned is that the lower earner has to like themselves and what they’re doing. In my case, he lied about how much he made and hated his job. Automatic bad situation. If you love her, she loves herself and what she does, zero issues.
While I do recognize that money is a very important matter in relationships, don’t you think it may be a little too early in your relationship to be worried about it?
If you and this lady decide that you both want to go the distance in your relationship, then you both need to sit and look at your JOINT finances and decide on the financial path you are going to take together to meet your goals as a couple.
If you are not concerned, why would you ask unknown people on the internet to tell you you should? If you ain’t going bankrupt and you lover then that’s all you need to know
When she gets pregnant it won’t even matter because then she won’t even be working at all lol
60k a year is still pretty decent….
My exes all made more money than me, and I currently make more than my current partner. Just takes conversation about finances.
I hear it or have heard it many times before in the jobs ive had, that the wife is the one that makes the real money. If you love each other you good
Hey you posted this a few days ago and got a ton of good advice. Not sure why you’re posting again
Depends on what you need from a partner, I’m happily retired so don’t make a lot, but I’ve dated attorneys and doctors. They wanted someone that was flexible to their crazy hours and were more interested in emotional connection and support.
I make 150K a year and my partner makes about 20K per year. It’s very hard. It’s made me reconsider ever wanting marriage. Maybe it’s because I’m female and my partner is male. I feel pressured to pay his debt and be accountable for all the responsibility in the relationship. I can see it being the downfall of our relationship
Been there! First thing’s first – **you need to talk about it.**
**No loving, successful, and long-lasting relationship works because they ignore the big things**. Money is always going to be a factor in a relationship, even if you made the exact same income. It’s a big thing, own it and know where both of you stand. This can wait until you two take a big step (moving in together or getting engaged) but it absolutely must happen before you either get married or before a common-law marriage equivalent kicks in.
Secondly – **try your best to split your bills and dinners and gifts equitably**. For example: if you buy her a super nice and expensive gift, maybe take her somewhere, for a birthday **absolutely do not expect the same spend in return**. If you two go for a really nice dinner you can pay for it and she can pay for pizza the next night. You should also do your best to make sure she knows what you value in a gift so she doesn’t feel pressured to just spend money.
Finally, **when you two do move in together or get married make sure you get a cohabitation agreement (or local equivalent) or a prenuptial agreement**. This doesn’t have to mean that if you two split up she gets nothing, it could mean 25% or 10% or 50% of liquid assets. You could even agree to give her half the value of any home you both live in but none of your personal liquid assets. They can be very flexible.
The important thing is that both of you are able to agree to the financial terms of a marriage together. If you’re unable to have that discussion and be honest then that’s a sign the marriage likely won’t last.
All that being said, money is only **one** factor in a relationship, even if sometimes it feels like the biggest thing… **It’s amazing you found someone you love and who loves you back.** These are all just tips to make sure money doesn’t silently become the biggest issue and that you can tackle it if it already is.
**I hope it blossoms into a loving and caring relationship <3**
No, I don’t think it’s something to be concerned about. If you guys ever decide to move in together, make sure you get something that she can afford to pay her half of. There was a story awhile ago where this girls SO was making like 500k a year, she was making something like 50k, and he wanted to get a 5k/month apartment and still expected her to pay half of it. Just make sure you guys have a sit down talk about financial expectations and see if you align there.
I think this might be an issue when you get married. Watch out for divorce, usually the higher income earner especially with high discrepancy will be screwed. It’s not superficial you need to protect yourself.
As long as the smaller earner doesn’t have outbursts and hold it against the higher earner and as long as the higher earner doesn’t act like some victim that they always have to pay (basically both parties are respectful and neither is victimizing or gaslighting) then it’s really a non-issue to me.