So I have been seeing this guy for a month in a half, we are both what you would call a “nerds” we love Kung fu movies, anime and manga. We are both introverted folks but i can be socia in moderation and he loves staying home. Says he really doesn’t go often. Well last night we were talking about video games and plots and I was sharing the plot of one of my favorite games (Little Nightmares) and he interrupted in the middle of my story explanation and basically took it over and start to tell me the story and I stopped him and told him that that what I was saying and I tried to continue finishing but he quickly started up again with a “yeah I know but the ending was about” and when he finish I sat up and said yes, that’s what I was trying to explain (no yelling or major reactions) I continued with “That I am happy we can share this together, I do love talking to you about the things your excited about but I wanted to really share that since it was a game I really loved. It also happen when we were talking about Kung fu movies over dinner. Do you remember I kept repeating “I know my Kung fu movies” because he would always overrun with what he knows and basically take over. (Back to the game convo) He said well he wasn’t really interested in horror games but he loved the plot line and I said yes I understand that but I do love horror games and it was something I was excited to share, I know the plot and it was a lot more to the story than that. I wanted a shared conversation and it felt he was talking at me and not with me. That I love how excited he is that he want to tell me all the things he know and I love to be involved but I would like it to be mutual. He got quiet and I let him tell me about other games he liked and he let me talk about “Dracula Daily” he doesn’t like books but I wanted to share how the emails of Dracula work and all of that. I told my friend about today and she said I sounded bossy and I over exaggerated. I came from a verbally and psychologically abusive marriage so I worked hard in being more assertive and setting boundaries but sometimes I still do question if I was too harsh. I don’t want to come off as controlling but I really would like to share my interest too. Was I being bossy or controlling?
12 comments
I mean, your side of the story sounds like he interrupted and didn’t understand why that’s rude.
I don’t know his side of the story.
No. As long as your kindly explaining why his behavior upset you, you should be good to go. I feel like part of relationships is smoothing over these bumps in communication.
No, of course not. He is being kinda rude and obnoxious. Listening and reciprocation are massive things for me personally – what I look for on date one. You have a right to take up space and for the other person to really tune into that. You’re not an audience member in a gallery. And being clear about this is an example of good boundaries – which your friend doesn’t sound like they have.
Usually when someone does the “i know” behavior and finishes your sentences or whatever youre talking about like that, and its constant, is a sign of insecurity. They feel they have to prove something, idk. And yea its more of a reaction instead of a response. There is research on it and I have experienced it a lot in my life. It gives the person a feeling of control.
Not saying this is the answer by any means, no no, but the way you described it sounded fairly objective and made me think of this response so dont take it as an absolute.
I don’t think you were being bossy, and that sort of insecure and domineering behavior from him would bother me too.
I do think you should let it go though and give hom more time + the benefit of the doubt. You’re still newly dating, and maybe he just really wants to impress you – or maybe he has low social IQ and struggles with conversation – which you can choose is right for you or not if you take more time to just learn about who he is.
You can decide: this is a great guy and I really like him. He does a few annoying things but they aren’t dealbreakers. Or you can decide: interacting with him is too much work for me and there’s enough quirks that I don’t want to deal with long term. But take your time and let things unfold naturally.
Our brains are pattern seeking machines, so give it time to pick up the patterns
I think this is the definition of that word “mansplaining” that everyone despises so much
None of us can tell based on only having half of the story. But he clearly thinks so.
If you talk like you type (Holy wall of text Batman), he might just be trying to participate in the conversation instead of just sitting there being talked at the entire time. Do you ever leave pauses or ask for input? I had a friend that just wanted someone to talk at. I could literally put my phone down to go make lunch and then pick it up and she was still excitedly telling me about a particular species of ant recently discovered in the rain forest. She was a sweet person, but super introverted and would open like a dam when she felt comfortable around someone.
You might find happier ground if you try to creat a conversation instead of just explaining something you find interesting.
Generally, being an introverted guy myself if a story or explanation takes too long I find myself interrupting or interjecting my own comments, it’s tends to be a nicer way or saying ”get to the point,” or how can I become a part of this conversation.
Think of it as if you had to listen to a joke that’s 5 minutes long or 2 minutes long and the punch line is the same… what would you choose? If you both have played the game it should have been a great bonding experience to go back and forth on your takeaways individually.
I can say that most introverted people have trouble reading body language and there are great videos online but I highly recommend watching Lie to Me (tv show).
I think this is interesting…your story makes it seem like he is the one who was a bit rude to you
But your friend, who knows you better than any of us, says that you were being bossy. Rather than base my opinion on the story I will say that if this is a good friend that you trust over the years…I would believe them.
If you talked to him the way you typed your story, I understand why he interrupted you.
Break down your paragraphs, please.
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