I (30sF) woman and I am trying to figure out the intentions of my colleague (man in his late 40s). I would like to see about getting a few responses and I’ll let this one go, but I’m just confused. I see this colleague everyday but our interactions usually don’t extend beyond ‘hi’ and ‘bye.’ First, he teased me about something I had told another coworker (and he was there that day so he probably overheard our conversation – we were talking a bit loud), and this time he teased me was one of my first times ever interacting with him. I initially felt (and probably looked) a bit sad in response to his teasing remark, but then in a split second, I realized what he might be up to, and my expression changed from slight sadness to a questioning smirk, and I raised my eyebrows letting him know I was in the know of those antics.

About 2 weeks later, This was how everything started: he made a joke directed to me, and I laughed. Not an obnoxious laugh, but a short, real, surprised laugh, because I had had a stressful day and it was a much needed antidote. There were other people in the room but i was the only one who laughed. The next day, I sent him a message that was work related (the first message I think I ever sent him), and he responded with a ‘😉’ at the end of his response, and he rambled a bit in the rest of the message, I forget what else he said.

I thanked him.

Next day, he was in the office. And up until this point I had only had 1 short conversation with him in total. He doesn’t seem to have social anxiety around anyone else but me (I could definitely be wrong about that, but I’m just saying that, at least in regards to everyone else we work with, he’s always outgoing and never gets nervous). So the next day, he decides to strike up conversation with me, which surprised me, but during this conversation I could tell that he was really nervous while talking to me (it was only us) and he rambled a bit and lost his train of thought a couple times. It was a very surface level conversation, but there was this strange energy to it, and it made me me a little bit nervous as well. After a couple minutes, I started breathing a little heavier, my heart started beating a bit rapidly, and I think he could tell my change of breathing rate, even though we were standing quite a distance from each other, but he didn’t mention anything about it. I was wearing a slightly tighter fitting blouse that day and that alone probably gave away my condition. I made sure to always smile though. I noticed that during this same discussion, prior to me getting nervous, his hand was trembling a bit as he was reaching for something on the table near him. But he was still intent on not letting the conversation end, even when there were a couple of lulls in the conversation that could’ve been decent stopping points, where I was about to tell him ‘ok gotta get going. later!’ and smile at him, but he wasn’t having that. He would just quickly launch the discussion into something else and wouldn’t let me walk away lol.

So another thing that happens sometimes is that his voice changes around me (especially in the few times he’s stood in my personal space or in the few times that he lightly touches my arm or back). It’s indescribable; his voice changes to this softer, slightly sweeter, sing-song tonality. One morning he told me ‘hello good morning’ in that same tone, but I guess he thought I couldn’t hear him (I was about to answer, and even took note of his sing-song tone and I could tell that he was smiling, so that’s why I stalled on responding because I got a bit tongue-tied from his voice), but he didn’t give me much time to respond because a second later, he walked up close behind me where I was standing, and his voice was just above a whisper when he gently touched the middle of my back for a short second to get my attention, and he repeated in that soft sweeter voice (which was now slightly above a whisper): ‘hey there, good morning.’ I didn’t know what to say. Um, the voice alone made me melt. I was a bit startled and I think I gasped softly when I felt his hand touch my back, and then I responded and my voice sounded a bit more sweet than usual too.

I’ve never reciprocated the touching though. He also gets a bit more animated and smiles wide when he finds out he and I have something random in common (like a song we both like, a hobby we share, etc, it only happened a couple times though). Is this guy interested or am I looking too much into it? in summation, He has teased me, he got nervous and flustered around me during the few times we’ve talked in person, he probably knows I’m attracted to him (I think he knows only because I kinda gave my position away one day when I was super tired. He was talking to me and I just got overwhelmed and I completely zoned out for a few seconds, but I just so happened to zone out on his face (oops). I didn’t come back to the present until I noticed he was walking very close to me to pass by me, and I waited a second too long to step to the side to give him more room to pass – that was the first time we were in each other’s personal space, and I noticed after That incident happened, when he would be in my vicinity he would stand just a bit closer to me, and soon after THAT, he started subtly touching me. But One day I noticed him looking at my butt when I was bent over doing something – as soon as I caught him, I furrowed my brow, shook my head, I stood straight up and turned to face him with a ‘yes can I help you?’ as soon as I saw him looking, and he immediately got the idea and started talking to me instead. He has tapped my shoulder and he touched the middle of my back a couple times, among other things.

Main questions: is he interested? What do I do? I really want to have more meaningful interactions/conversations with him, but I have a feeling that if he is attracted to me, it’s purely physical 🙄

2 comments
  1. If he won’t offer a date then none of it matters.

    If he is teasing hoping that you will be the one to offer a date then that is a sign of a man who can’t bring himself to offer a date (which is a bad thing). Even if you start dating you will continuously running into that problem of his inaction in other things.

  2. You two appear to enjoy the same humour, certainly there’s a physical attraction going on and he is making some effort (touches, voice tone). Does he like more than your bod? Hard to say. You guys need to start dating or doing something together before figuring that out.

    Is dating co-workers allowed at your work? No senior/subordinate issue getting in the way?

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