My partner seems to not care at all and I’m literally doing all of this for myself. In fact he often tells me to just not put makeup on (because it takes a lot of time before heading out), to just wear some comfy t-shirt and sneakers instead of spending time to style myself even when we go on dates.
He never notices my nails or lingerie, doesn’t care about it at all actually. Doesn’t care whether I keep my hair up in a messy bun all day or I take the time to style my hair and so on.
I was wondering how important this is for other men?
40 comments
it’s more important that a partner is happy and comfortable
For me, it’s very important. If I’m not attracted and lustful for you, then I might as well just have you as a friend. I work hard to keep my appearance attractive, so would appreciate my partner to do the same.
Very, but men don’t value the same kind of appearance things that women do. Women tend to like to glam up with makeup, nails, fancy clothes etc. Men care about you looking clean, having a good hairstyle and keeping your body physically fit instead.
You know how women complain about how society puts pressure on them to look a certain way and the “male gaze” and whatnot?
Yeah, that’s bullshit. It’s always been them holding themselves to impossible standards. I do not notice when women wear makeup, unless they completely change their face or look like clowns. I don’t care about their fashion. I don’t care about their shoes. I don’t care about their nails. I don’t care about their hair. A lot of men have more important things to think about than what their partner is doing with their fashion.
Women care a lot, though. And because they cannot bring themselves to not care, they have convinced themselves that we do as well. Most men do not. Trust me.
I guess the context of taking care of oneself is different for me than it is you. I want to partner who takes care of herself, and what that means is making sure that she practices good hygiene and clean. Taking care of oneself is eating a decent diet. I’m not a super Health freak but having a partner who drinks and smokes and does drugs is a real turn-off. I like sweets and junk food just as much as anyone but you can’t live on a diet of just crap. I don’t care about nails or hair or makeup because that’s not taken care of oneself that’s just for visual appearance. Taking care of oneself is making sure that they are moderately healthy and if they say have to take prescription drugs that they do so as prescribed because I want to be able to maintain a long-lasting relationship and maximize the amount of time that I could spend with this person. Taking care of oneself is not putting themselves in a mentally abusive situation where they’re causing or receiving something that will be traumatizing.
I think appearance is very important.
If someone does not care, I consider that a class issue.
As others have likely stated, it’s important but we value different things
Jewelry and makeup is definitely just for you
I’d prefer that they put in some effort into their appearance, but I’m not going to like dictate that they do it.
I don’t care about makeup. I’ve just never liked it that much. As for the clothes, it really just depends on where we are going on a date. I feel like the clothes should fit the setting more than the fact that it is a date. I probably wouldn’t notice your nails either unless they were dirty or something. Lingerie is nice though it doesn’t need to be an all the time sort of thing just every once in awhile.
Full disclosure, I’m into nerdy bookworm types with unkempt hair so I’m probably kind of biased here.
Don’t care about makeup but take care of the body and mind and we’re good.
It’s very important. I don’t mind relaxing around the house and what not, but if we go out then I want effort put into such things. Men are simple and usually only require the girl to be loyal, understanding, and not let themselves go.
I just want her to keep her figure reasonably in check (I don’t care if she gains weight, I just don’t want her to be obese). Basic hygiene is good (don’t want teeth falling out). Other than that, I don’t really care. I appreciate it when she gets dolled up for sex every now and then. But day to day, hanging around the house, going on dates, etc. I don’t give a shit. I do appreciate when she puts a lot of effort in, but it doesn’t make much of a difference to me. She’s always beautiful no matter what she’s wearing or how she’s styled.
It’s not important in itself, my wife is always beautiful, but it’s nice to see the effort and it shows she thinks whatever we’re doing is important. Sounds like this guy needs to recognize that it’s important to you, and make the effort to acknowledge the effort you put in, at least occasionally, if for no other reason than to make you happy and show that he appreciates you. He may just not realize that being completely dismissive of your effort is hurtful.
I’m afraid the joke is on you, because messy buns are in fact kind of hot
I prefer a casual look because usually it doesn’t look good for me when women doll themselves up. Their preferences are just too different from mine.
I want my wife to stay in shape and love that she does, but I don’t care about makeup. I agree, it just wastes another half hour when I’m trying to leave the house.
To whatever degree my wife need to take care of herself to **feel good about herself** is all I need. Either partner being confident in themselves translates into the relationship.
My wife could walk around looking like a trash bag filled with mango pulp, and I’m still gonna be attracted to her like a moth to a flame. But if she don’t like the way she looks, then that comes across.
My wife doesn’t care at all of her appearance and I have to accept that. It’s her body.
My wife will ask me what nail color she should get, and I’ll give her some suggestions.
I send her lingerie fits and ask if she likes them.
Every time I see her hair in a different style I compliment her, so it’s not how important it is to me, it’s how good she feels about herself and I try to make her feel good whenever I can.
Decently important. Balance is everything, there isn’t one thing that has to be totally perfect. If we’re just talking appearance from a maintenance perspective. I’ve dated ones who wore practically nothing but yoga pants and t-shirts.
A lot. My wife is very attractive and always looks super put together when we go out. I love being with the best looking woman in the room.
I always notice when my wife takes time to look nice. I agree with the make up thing. But when she spends time to look nice, I appreciate her and make sure she knows it.
Just wash and we good lol
I imagine it’s different person to person, but I don’t give a single shit. My wife goes into what she calls “goblin mode” on her weekends off; usually just a tee shirt around the house, hair pulled up, no make-up or nail polish or anything. I think she’s beautiful, but I don’t give a damn about how she dresses or whatever. I’m not a fan of make-up in general, and she doesn’t wear any, so it works for us.
She could do if she wanted to, as I said I don’t care either way. But I prefer the natural look, so….
If it’s important to you, tell him. If he still doesn’t care and it bothers you that he doesn’t, well, maybe you need to decide *how* important it is and take action accordingly.
All I ask is that my wife is hygienic – which she of course is.
Otherwise, I want her to be comfortable and low low key whenever she is with me. There is enough pressure for her to dress up for work.
She is my wife, a person, not an ornament.
For me, very important and I fucking hate it because it’s very superficial. That said, I ensure my appearance is as good as it can be since this woman has committed to regularly fucking me.
Ofcourse you need to be hygienic and wear clean clothes but that is about it.
Married 18 years and I don’t care at all if she does make or dresses up. Personally I love her look with no makeup at all. Her normal routine is bb cream and a subtle lipstick which looks fine but she does it for her not me.
I personally would prefer if my partner would not use makeup and wear casual clothing because I find them way hotter that way. However, i would love/like my partner regardless of anything because I picked them to be my life partner and their appearance was only one small part of my equation.
Very important to me.
I care…but not about the same things as her.
For example, I actually don’t care about her weight. But I care a great deal about her ability to participate in active things with me. Being out of breath because we’re having a conversation while walking is (to me) very unattractive, far more than an extra 20lbs or whatever.
As for clothes and makeup for me the big thing is that my partner is not “eye candy”. I don’t want her to be, not because I’m worried about the jealous gaze of others but because I want an equal: not an accessory. When she meets my friends or coworkers I want them to see her as an intelligent and interesting peer. So sometimes dressing up undermines this a bit…but it’s something she likes to do.
Back when we first met I used to work in video games; before the first work function she attended she was *obsessed* with finding a sexy dress to wear. And I was strongly opposed to it because it was going to identify her as an “other”, when in actuality she’d worked in video games too before moving into software. But by making clothing and makeup choices that are uncommon in that group it’s easy for people to assume (incorrectly) that her value in our relationship is based on appearance. And I think that sells her terribly short.
We were able to talk about that when it happened; she did indeed wear a sexy dress and she did indeed feel out of place. But especially since Covid I understand that dresses and makeup are a big part of projecting and establishing how she feels about herself.
So while I’m not into dressing up I accept that something I need to do as a partner is help find us situations where she *can* dress up and I can support her.
No make-up, no worries. She never really wore it Hairy legs don’t care. Pits, I never really seen her let that go at all, but I dated a girl in HS, and didn’t give a fuck. Now her nether regions she used to to shave all the time. Scorched earth. She still does her cooter, (which I’ve told her before I wouldn’t mind tickling my nose), but she rarely shaves around her butthole anymore, which I wish she would. It’s not terrible, I just prefer it the way it was before.
No acne, and no smelly. That’s it. Anything else if fine.
It varies by men so find a guy that fits with how you view the world.
For me personally, I’m pretty straight forward about it – I think it’s important and I like my partners a helluva lot more when she takes care of herself – fitness, diet, nails/hair, new clothes and sexy outfits for bed. And for me it’s not just for special occasions… I view it like it should be every day, barring difficult times like unexpectedly busy schedules or her parents are in the hospital or all the kids are sick or whatever.
I put a lot of effort in every day no matter how tired or sick I am, I expect her to do the same. She values certain things about me and I certain thing about her so we do it.
Honestly gaining weight is fine for me if it’s just a smaller amount, you don’t have to go to the gym every day but stay reasonable in your figure
I’d appreciate just the demeanor at which you hold yourself in conference more than the pretty things you mentioned. But to a degree wear your hair in a pony tail. That’s the best. Walk like your queen and you’ll be. We like a woman that can be cool while looking attentive and pretty. Not too pretty tho. Bring that out like a ruler brings a Rolex to a very important party.
I’m similar to your partner. Less fuss the better. Just be clean, healthy, and take care of your hair. No makeup all the way. Also, my partner doesn’t really have the body for lingerie.
Depends on the man. Some men don’t give a single fuck. It’s jarring. But others like me, I just want you to keep yourself up. You know care about your appearance. Standard stuff lol. As long as you don’t look like a gargoyle, I’m ok. I don’t want to be walking down the street with you and people are like “uh wtf is he doing with her” “ew” lol
It’s of the utmost importance, however what I call taking care of appearance and another person might be 2 very different things.
For you it seems to involve a lot of makeup, lingerie, probably fancy dresses when going out etc.
I grew up liking tomboys and it’s a trait that’s stuck to this day. I like minimal/natural looking makeup/no makeup at all and jeans and a tshirt is fine to me for most occasions. As a general rule if I’m not in a suit and tie, I don’t care if my partner isn’t in a nice dress, and a look like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AogJTCip5Wo) is perfect to me (though I accept this could actually be 2 hours of worth of foundation/concealer and other stuff I’ve heard of but have no idea how to tell if a woman is wearing, to me it’s a very natural look/effect).
If I’m being dragged to the opera or I’m taking her to a real fancy restaurant then it makes a bit more sense (for both of us) to dress up a bit more,and makeup wise I don’t care if it’s a bit heavier as long long as it isn’t plastered on with a trowel and looking like a chav but I still favour something more natural looking.
“Taking care of apperance” to me basically means a few bare essential things: Watching the weight, growing hair long, dealing with body hair and having a decent enough skin care routine. Getting professional manicures etc are nice but by no means essential and I’ve had exes who do just as good a job (to me) in 5 minutes with some nail clippers and a file.
You’ve hit the key point in your post though. You should be doing anything you’re doing for yourself. Even when I’m single I still do the exact same things I do when I’m in a relationship. (Same haircut, keep my beard the same way, same manscaping, same cologne, dress the same etc) because it’s stuff I do for myself, and if other people appreciate it then it’s a nice bonus.
I would like my wife to care more about that stuff, but she isn’t into it. Never has been. (She might feel the same about me. If she said something, I’d try a bit harder.) I’d never ask her to do something to make her uncomfortable, though. The time savings is hard to argue with. One of my exes used to be late for everything, and that was a nightmare to me.
Very important, or I’m not saying that you need to do 2h of makeup every day, but rather to stay in shape and have an interest in looking decent. It’s what I do and It’s important for me, so I’d love to have someone else who feels the same. Also it never hurts that a partner is good looking, or basically I never want to get into a spot where a partner would just let themselves go, as I would not be attracted to them