I recently took on a position in a well known bargain retail store and I’m having a really rough time. I normally work as an independent digital artist, but I recently began to develop some anxiety and depression from some personal issues in my life, as well as being cooped up inside in front of a screen all day and just being totally isolated. I thought taking on a part-time job might help me get out and be more active and socialise a bit more.
When I applied for the position it was advertised as 16 hours per week. I thought *”Great, I can go in, do two eight hour shifts a week, maybe pick up some overtime where necessary, and it’ll give me the opportunity to get away from the screen and socialise a bit”*.
Instead what’s been happening is that I’m being given 35+ hours every week. I have no time for my art any more. I have a semi-large social media presence that requires constant maintenance and interaction. I have 52.7k followers on Twitter and that number is dwindling since I haven’t put any work in over a month, and I’m haemorrhaging patrons on Patreon since I now no longer have time to fulfil tier rewards.
The job itself is awful. It’s bare-bones minimum wage, which I knew I’d signed up for, but I thought it’d be walking around managing stock and occasionally hopping on the tills to process some purchases. Instead I’m stuck in a tiny cube for 6-8 hour shifts where I’m completely devoid of stimulus. I just… stand. There’s nothing to look at or do or interact with. I just stand there endlessly chucking products through a scanner and pretending to be cheery for the endless stream of customers buying endless streams of shit. You’re not allowed to sit at all as apparently studies have shown that you scan faster when standing, so I guess they value performance over employee welfare. I’m standing in a polo shirt sweating like a pig in this heat, guzzling water to stay cool, and yesterday I couldn’t even go for a piss before I got a call on the tannoy 20 seconds later to get back to my till. The monotony is only broken up by a single 30 minute lunch break, but sometimes it’s not even that much, it’s 15 minutes, and I’ll spend more time walking to a space outside to sit down than I do actually taking a break and trying to unwind.
I come home every day exhausted and with my feet and neck in extreme pain, too tired to draw. I got to the end of this week and realised that I’d worked myself to the bone for an amount that only worked out to what I’d have made doing 1 and ½ commissions.
Today is one of two days off this week, and they tried to make my work today as well. Even though I’m supposed to be spending my day off relaxing I’ve spent most of yesterday and this morning crying, dreading going back in tomorrow feeling like I have an axe hanging over my neck. Now me moping around and crying all the time is starting to affect my partner and making him miserable too. We used to spend so much time together but now I come in and just lay on the sofa exhausted until bedtime. I honestly feel like just throwing myself in the river.
I want to quit so badly but I can’t. Before I took the job the anxiety and depression I’d been experiencing meant that I had begun struggling to fulfil my financial obligations to my partner, and he’d had to start picking up the slack for my financial shortfall. People do this kind of work all the time without complaint though right, so what’s wrong with me? Why am I struggling so much with this? How do I make it easier?
9 comments
If you dont need the money you could always do charity’s work, they always want people and they lot less strict on hours. It would still get you out and have something to do.
Give up the job now it is only having a detrimental effect on your already strained health , concentrate on getting your social media back on track
Maybe reach out to your followers with a offer to do piece of art for them for a reasonable price
You need to decide what has to give your job or your social media following
You can even blog about experiences at the work and you can use your platform to tell them about your struggles
What does your contract say regarding hours? Do you still have a link to the advertised position where it states the 16h? If yes, you can try and have a chat with your supervisor and explain that 35h isn’t what you were looking for.
Have you thought about finding something in a smaller place, more personal, like a coffee shop or a bakery?
If the financial side of it is an issue, but you state that you’re making in a week the same as 1 1/2 art commission, I’m not sure it’s worth the stress and physical strain.
I work in vfx and covid really took a toll. I spent all my days in front of the screen as you mentioned, and felt depressed and a prisioner to my pc. I started volunteering at dog shelters, which helped keeping me away from the screen. Socially, I’m quite awkward so I can’t say that changed much.
Have you looked into a WeWork kind if place, where you can still do your art but have more social interaction? The issue with that would be the desk renting price, I think it’s around £300 a month (double check though, not too sure). I also did that a few years ago when freelancing and that did help. There might be other options around you other than WeWorks itself. Or maybe there’s someone that rents a desk but doesn’t use it every day of the week and you can split the cost?
Hi,
There has been a lot of research done that shows that mental health is highly dependent on people believing that what they are doing in life has meaning to others. This is an entirely personal process where ‘ meaning’ is very much dependent on how you view yourself in relation to the world. How difficult you will find working in a job depends on 1. whether you believe you are good at that job and 2. whether you believe that there is something else you could be doing that is more worthwhile.
For a lot of people the answer to that second question is ‘not really’. Sure, most people could probably develop their skills and experience to do something more complicated than sitting at a checkout – but for many there is no obvious thing that they should be doing, it’s all mainly vague day dreaming. But maybe that job helps pay towards bring up their kids, buying presents, going on holiday. To them their working does have great meaning to others.
You are in a spot where you know for a fact that you have a talent that is more important to people than scanning food and drink. On top of that, it sounds like maybe you have personal issues that you’re not sure is what you do outside of work has enough meaning. That creates a vast amount of mental stress, that 100% impacts you physically. Think about how much different it is to stand around talking to your friends in a location you like, compared to just standing there doing something you have no interest in. I’m sure that the working environment your in isn’t helping, but it’s honestly not the root cause of your unhappiness. You could go to another supermarket that has better practices, nicer managers, more breaks, and I promise you you wouldn’t feel that much better.
You need to find a job that matches your skills. There has to be a compromise between sitting at your desk doing your job all day and working in a supermarket. For example – I am doing a Ph.D, which is extremely solitary, but i’ve also done Graduate teacher that forces me to go into a class room and interact with others. Is there not an equivalent where you could maybe teach some digital artistry skills? Is there any scoop where you could maybe provide some consultancy on digital art projects? Could you maybe just find a admin or similar role in the industry where you get to meet and interact with people? I appreciate that all of this sounds difficult, and that you have financial obligations. But there’s no way that your partner is going to be happy long-term if your mental health continues to decline. It is better if you are brave and take the leap now, rather than letting this drag on.
Hi OP! I hope I can be of some help, I really feel what you’re going through! Warning: long comment.
Ok.. So, most jobs if you were experiencing so much anxiety that you couldn’t work then you would be able to get a sick note and get signed off. Because we are self employed it’s different, but there is other support, financial and otherwise we can access. I recommend calling the CAB and chatting through your circumstances and options, they will be best placed to advise you.
I’m kind of shivering in my boots because what you have described is my absolute nightmare!
If you need a part-time job the there are other jobs out there that you can find work or flexi work in at your chosen hours. I think you’ve achieved enough that you can trust your experience at this point, you stand more than a chance if you were to apply for other similar roles. Make it very, very clear in your interview about your other commitments, then reiterate when necessary. They’ll get it eventually.
As for your current job, I want to tell you to quit but that’s probably not practical. So, pull your manager aside or whoever makes the rota decisions and tell them ‘as you know I have other commitments and a full career outside of this role, I applied for 16 hours and that’s about the amount I can commit to right now as it is seriously effecting my business’ or something similar. Totally valid.
Also, take it from a former retail manager – the 48 hour thing that you sign is just to cover their arses in the event that you work over that. It’s not you signing you life on the dotted line, it just means that you can work that if you want to, but not that you will.
They can recruit another colleague to pick up the extra hours or pass out overtime. Be firm, there’s no shame. Sometimes people don’t realise that creative roles are a viable option that can pay well, so the situation may be ignorance on their part, that’s ok! Just let them know your boundaries, please.
Something I used to do was work in charity shop, I really recommend it if you can find a job in one of these, or even volunteer. It’s very serene and peaceful compared to most jobs.
As for your obligations to your partner: so, in most relationships we should shoot for equal, each of us meeting each other half way where possible. Where this changes is when one partner becomes Ill or needs more emotional support, and as such it ebbs and flows depending on specific needs. It’s ok for one partner to take up a bigger a burden every now and then, because we would do the same if they fell ill. That’s what it’s about, right? Have you had a proper chat with them about how you feel emotionally?
Lastly, please contact your GP and book an appointment to take care of your mental health if you haven’t already, there’s many options. ❤️🙏
I really think you e overthought this.
It’s a shit job you don’t want, particularly need (plenty of fish in the sea)or want.
Get one that suits you better. Pub? Cafe?
I’m an author on a two book per year contract, which means I work retail on a 20 hour a week contract in order to have a regular income but also gives me time to write.
My employer knows that I have this second job. In fact, they’re really rather proud of me, as I’ve won a few awards and had a load of kudos since I’ve been employed with them and be sure to sing their praises as a good employer for giving me the time to fit in my writing.
I mention this because maybe you need to TELL your employer that you have other committments that you’d like to be able to honour, and ask them to cut you back to your contracted hours only. A lot of employers think they are doing you a favour by giving you lots of extra hours, but if you tell them that you just can’t do it (you don’t even have to tell them you want to work on your art, you can just say ‘other committments, as in you could be looking after children or elderly parents or pretty much anything), they will usually peg back your hours. This will help.
You can also use chatting to your customers to liven up the day. I’ve developed a whole new market for my books by telling customers that I’m an author – they go home and google me and then come back to report that they’ve found me and bought a book. But even if you can’t manage to do this, you’d be surprised how much inspiration you can get just from chance remarks that people make or short conversations with the most surprising people.
If you don’t like your job, then you need to position it as a necessary stepping stone. so make a plan of action i.e. bext job/career move and view this as the mundane step in an otherwise upwards trajectory.
Unfortunately this is really common in retail, being given a part time contract but then ending up doing full time hours all the time because you ‘agreed’ to over time which in their eyes means they can put you down for as many hours as they want. They use you to plug the gaps and it saves on them having to hire someone else basically.
You have two options I think, either pack the job in and find something else. You’re in luck as there are lots of jobs going at the moment in various fields. I’m sure you’d be able to find something suitable and that is actually part time as advertised.
Or tell them you have other commitments, that this is a job to supplement your income not be the main source, and you can’t keep doing the amount of hours you’re currently doing as it’s not leaving you enough time to commit to your main job, that you only took the job as it was part time. Seems reasonable enough to me but they will either be accommodating or they won’t at which point you know it’s time to start looking elsewhere.