I’m 19 (f) and I just got my first boyfriend 2 months ago. Prior to dating him, I’ve had absolutely zero experience with romance or intimacy (not even kissing or holding hands). He has had a lot more experience than me. He asked me to have vaginal sex with him but I don’t feel ready yet since being in a relationship and intimacy is still super new to me. I have only gone up to oral sex with him. My main fear is accidentally getting pregnant even though I know that if I ever did choose to have sex, I’d feel most comfortable if we used a male condom, birth control pills, pulling out, and not having sex while I’m ovulating. I want to wait for at least a year of dating him until I’m sure I want to lose my virginity, but even then, I don’t know if I’ll be over my fear. I also want my first time to be special and when we both are in love. How did you know when you were ready to have sex especially if you have really bad anxiety about the consequences like I do? I don’t want to take too long and him leaving me because I can’t give him what he wants :/
7 comments
I think you will know. You’ll get that irresistible feeling to wanna jump his bones. The urge to merge! Hope that helps!
I wasn’t but did it anyway but now I wish I’d waited, trust your gut and only do it when you want to, and if your partner doesn’t wait till you’re ready then they aren’t the right one for you, don’t let that be a factor to why you have sex ever especially not the first time.
If he leaves you then that’s on him, your partner should respect your virtues and wishes regardless, additionally, that is quite early considering how novice you’re towards intimacy. You’ve made the right decision to wait a year, pardon my prejudice, but you may not even be sure he is the right partner, considering how short you’ve been together, wait until you know him better and peruse if there are any red flags or crass behaviours.
Other then that, apprise him to not rush and take things slow, start with kissing and holding hands etc.
If you want to wait until the two of you have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for at least a year, you’ll know you’re ready to start considering it after waiting a year. In the meantime, you’ll get to know each other a lot better, which is important. With the potential outcome of pregnancy, you’ll have a decent amount of time to decide if he’s the kind of person you’d want to raise a child with. Tons of people make the mistake of following their hormones, have a child, and then find out that their partner isn’t fit to raise one. Know him WELL before you take that step, and if he’s not willing to wait, there’s your answer.
There will be this feeling you have when you literally want to crawl into their skin. Sounds creepy, but you’ll just be in a time where you’re so turned on you can’t think about anything besides wanting to have it. For me, it wasn’t something I could plan, it just kinda happened, but find someone who is willing to have the patience for you to feel that desire on your own without any pressure
You know when you trust him. And when you want to have sex with him. You can never be 100% sure but whatever choice you make do it for you and no one else.
Don’t rush the decision based on his expectations. If he can’t wait for you, then he’s not there for an emotionally invested relationship and doesn’t deserve to be your first.
I had sex before I was ready with a guy who didn’t care at all about my experience because I was in a bad state emotionally/mentally (anxiety, depression, etc). It won’t make him love you. If you are afraid he’s going to leave you if he doesn’t get sex, then there’s no trust in the relationship and you would probably regret having sex with him.
Please please please be kind to yourself and love yourself first. Respect your emotional experience and demand that any potential sexual partner respect you too.