For as long as I remember I had problems with my weight. I struggled the last few years to do something about it, but right now I‘m starting to work out again. Only cardio so far but I want to move over to lifting weighs later. I‘m planning to lose something around 80 pounds at least.
At the same time I always found myself longing for a relationship or just companionship in general. I had a rough upbringing so my social skills aren‘t the best which always hindered that being a thing. And of course my weight didn‘t help with improving my chances, and that‘s not even maybe more just about my own confidence than my looks, while at the same time improving those helps as well.
My question right now is if I should slowly implement ways into my life that would make dating a future possibilty or wait until I already went some way in my weight loss journey to maybe be more successfull with that.
Would be happy to hear some input from people that went through similar circumstances.
6 comments
I think you should take the three things separately.
If you lose weight, do it independently from the effects on your social and sentimental life. You’ll be able to put the effort only if your feedback are your physical results themselves. If you start depending on expected outcomes from friends and dates, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment
If you want company, like a richer social life, do that for its own benefits and trying at any point to do what you feel better doing. Sure, meeting more people gives more chances to find good friends or even dates, but don’t force yourself into social situations that don’t feel too comfortable at the moment, try stuff for the sake of curiosity. And if at sone point you miss some social chances, don’t put all the weight on you! It’s something I did so many times while trying to get an active social life, and I learned to calm down the hard way
Lastly, dating is not based on your skills or anything. Dating is mainly random. Surely society has some standards, like a fit body, a confident and fun personality. But what people are attracted to is far more random than that! A lot of people decide to follow those standards instead of listening to their preferences, because they seek social recognition more than anything. But the more mature people around you are, the less they will care about that. So my point is to date whenever you feel like doing it, and not blame failures on the above two points. Relationships aren’t deserved, they are not a merit, they’re just random happy accidents. (Sometimes less happy when they are based on attention seeking or narcissism but that’s another story)
There’s never going to be a perfect time to date or seek a relationship. A lot of people, for some reason, get it into their head that if they make enough money or work out enough or whatever else… they’ll feel some random shift that’ll make them feel like it’s the right time. It doesn’t happen.
You should definitely keep working out, try to lose weight, but do it for yourself ahead of anybody or anything else.
Dating is the same thing as anything else, if you want to do it, make time to put yourself out there. That’s a decision you’ll have to make for yourself.
How thick is your skin? People can be cruel and insulting when encountering overweight people sometimes.
Would one or more unpleasant encounters of that character, set you on a tailspin taking years to recover your self-esteem?
Then I recommend finishing your weight loss journey (at a healthy rate of course, losing weight too fast is a recipe for gaining it all back, and then some).
If you feel secure and confident, I would say yes to dating now. But if your weight really bothers you, it’s not just a physical thing, it can be an emotional thing too and may make you feel insecure. So just make sure you’re mentally in a good place and then, def go out and meet people!
Before I go forward, I would recommend lifting weights first and then follow with cardio. Building more muscle will allow for more weight loss overtime, and you’ll fill out your frame better. I don’t want to sugarcoat things but I believe we both know that if you do lose those 80lbs while also building more muscle, your dating opportunities will be massively better in the looks department (at least) at a minimum.
However, I think now you should lift weights and do cardio without the end game of hitting the 80lb number to start dating. There’s nothing wrong with that being the motivation to get started, but you have to start wanting to exercise for yourself to keep it sustainable over a long time period. You may find yourself with a massive level of confidence halfway there and start dating then.
The motivation of wanting to start dating at a healthier bodyweight is very clearly a good motivator for you since you started, so very good job on that. But if dating doesn’t go your way at the end of the road, you may end up bouncing back instead of staying on your fitness journey.
Dating is still a hard journey for me right now since I don’t use apps, but it’s been MASSIVELY easier considering I’m 25years old I thought that more and more people were getting fit judging by my instagram and tiktok feed. It’s a small population, a massive majority of people don’t exercise at all here (USA).
Good luck man, the hardest part of this is the first step and you’ve already done that. Keep it up.
tldr: lift weights then do cardio after, exercise for yourself longterm regardless of dating outcomes, don’t be afraid to approach someone you think is attractive once you’ve become more confident. sorry for rambling thoughts.
Tackle one problem at a time or you risk half assing the improvement process. I’d begin with the weight; it’s very easy to get into workout regimen provided you have the willpower, planning, and energy to do so.