I have very little experience, had only one partner before who just really spoiled me a loot but in a good way. Our sex was just him being active and just giving me everything I wanted and enjoyed even if I had no idea what would I enjoy at first. Like, he just loved seeing me melting under his touch, teasing me, guiding me, making me touch myself for him. It could be just really long foreplay, as long as I wanted or needed. I had lots and lots orgasms with him because he just satisfied my every wish and well I enjoyed being guided and being the not-that-active one in sex. I mean I expressed my feelings and what I wanted and gave all the touches etc… he was just ok with not pushing me to give him bjs and such so I’m a little inexperienced here too –> shy. I just realised it was about my pleasure and he really loved making me happy and everything and he was open about being all satisfied with that.
That’s why I have some problems now I guess? I got used to being selfish(?) getting all the attention and praises. So now I like the man I’m in a relationship with, so much – he’s sweet and is a good person and never hurt me. He’s one year older than me. He is kinda shy and I don’t feel being in subspace as much so it doesn’t really give me that *tingly* feeling. He says he’s a switch. I get the idea he likes when I’m in control but it’s so new to me! I try my best to make him feel good, he enjoys it so much when I take everything in my hands etc etc.. I like it too because seeing him happy is satisfying but… I really want him to tease me, to play with me because I love feeling I get when I’m being dommed, just too much. It’s difficult for me to orgasm with him when I’m in active position. I try asking for things I want but it never lasts long enough, after short time he just suggests other things.
I also worry I’m not good enough when I’m guiding him etc because when I was in a sub role everything felt natural and good and now it feels like I’m being someone else, I’m nervous, I’m not sure if this or that move or touch would be right and I’m always in that state of nervous overthinking when I’m in control, never can relax. I know maybe it’s wrong but I get upset when he doesn’t get my hints like when I cuddle him or trying to straddle him or just telling him things I’d like to be done with me. I know he can’t read my mind etc but I’m still waiting for him to suggest trying something from I told him about. Any advice on how I can become better at this? Thank you!
2 comments
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I think communication is your issue. I get the giving hints things, I’m like that too because I feel… Wrong/shy (?) for asking. But it’s not a valid way of communicating, we must speak up and make it an discussion.
A lot of people, men & women, just aren’t going to pick up that that one thing we said in passing/briefly is actually something I want & actively attempt it.
Imagine if someone brought up CNC once and if the other spouse just randomly did it one day… It would be more like legitimately rape than CNC. It’s hard and can be awkward AF but you’ve got to practice if you want a fulfilling relationship.
How would you feel about texting him sex related stuff? My husband and I do that as we bought get to embrassed to actually say the words and it’s helped tons!!!
Also it seems like you might like being a dom rarely and are more comfortable being a sub. Nothing wrong with that but you should make sure you let him know that! (So he knows he’d be dom most of the time)
As for doming him, you don’t have to find him the same way you are dommed. From what I remember there are many forms of dom. Like you can be a dom in such a way where his is your pleasure slave. You dom him by making him pleasure you. Make him touch you the way you want to be touched.
If not maybe see what other dom forms there are and if any jive with you!
* Sorry for typos and such, I’m so tried today 🙁