Hey all, I’ve recently met a girl who is very funny, sweet, and charming. I’ve been on two dates with her now. However, that is enough for me to know that I’m not interested in pursuing the relationship further, despite how enthusiastic she seems about it.
My reasons for not wanting to date her are going to be judged as pretty shallow by some, but to each their own. I’m not very attracted to her because she (by her own admission) is about 40 lbs heavier than her dating profile pictures. She told me on the first date (without me prompting) that she was trying to get back to her original weight, which if she were I would consider dating her, but since I don’t want to date her as is it’s only fair that I let her find someone who loves her as is.
I’m seeing her tonight to end things. For you, how much information do you divulge to someone, if anything, when you end it? I was just going to say “I’m not feeling any chemistry” or something, but I wonder if it’s better to be more honest so that she is on the same page. Do you say anything at all, or just “I’m no longer interested?” I know you don’t owe anyone anything, but it feels bad to blindside them.
5 comments
Why can’t you just tell her she’s a sweet gal, but you’re not feeling the chemistry or connection you’re looking for. It sounds like you’re hoping your comment will make her shed the weight fast so she can be who you want her to be.
If you ask me, i prefer an honesty. That being said, that doesn’t apply to everyone. I would keep it short and be like: I’m not interested on pursuing the relationship further. If she doesn’t ask any questions, i would leave it as that. If she wants to know why, i would be honest. She can disagree with the reason but she can’t blame you for telling her as she asked for it.
I may be wrong, but I would prefer it to be ended via text. Honesty is great, but it can be really hard to look someone in the eyes while they tell you they aren’t attracted to you. Save her time, save her from feeling embarrassed, and just go for a classic “Hey, it has been great getting to know you, but I don’t think I’m feeling it. Good luck out there :)”
Tell em your feelings changed and you don’t feel comfortable dating them. Done.
Talking with them further is fine but make sure you’re clear that you’re done.
Definitely do this via text, don’t make her get ready and meet you somewhere just to break things off, especially after only 2 dates. Also do not mention her weight. You can just say you don’t feel a spark/chemistry and leave it at that.
Yes, honesty is important, but being too honest here would just be cruel.