How to navigate online dating as a sensitive man?

To provide some context, I have always had some anxiety surrounding sexual intimacy. This is for many reasons – one of which is that several friends/family of mine had kids at a very young age, and it frightened me to see how their lives were systematically transformed. Another is that I am just not the most confident in myself or my body, and in many of the experiences I’ve had I suffered from performance anxiety, ED, and/or PE – which creates a difficult cycle where my negative experiences continue to fuel my negative perceptions of myself.

With that context, I recently met this girl who I was incredibly into. We flirted all the time leading up to us meeting, and that chemistry carried over into the first date. We shared similar life experiences, and it seemed as though the date couldn’t have gone better. At the end of the night she was very touchy with me; we shared a kiss before she suggested we go to my car and things got sexual. It was a very powerful experience for me, and I walked away from the night optimistic about what the future of our relationship held. After all, if she was all over me like that she must be into me, right? We continued to chat enthusiastically and shared another lovely dinner date, but from that point on our conversation seemed to gradually fade. I planned another date with her, but she canceled on the day of. At this point, I asked her for clarification on her expectations for the relationship and it was obvious that she was just a casual dater who felt sexually liberated. I then told her that our first date had been a powerful night for me and that I felt a little used at how nonchalant she seemed about it. She was empathetic to what I said, but I still got the feeling that I had likely changed her perception of me for the worse. Many nights later, I shared another conversation with her about potential avenues for our relationship – even discussing options like casual dating and fwb that I thought might be more appealing to her (and which I was also open to if it meant spending more time with her while getting to date others), but by this point it seemed that I scared her away as she said she wasn’t interested in continuing anything with me anymore. I felt hurt and used afterwards and wanted to write her off as manipulative in my mind, but when I thought back on it I realized that her behavior was perfectly acceptable in this dating culture and that “flings” and “hookups” are very normal. Not long after, I hooked up with another girl on Tinder hoping to rekindle some of the emotions and feelings I’d felt previously (of course being upfront about my intentions too as I didn’t want to hurt this girl as I’d been hurt), but the experience was deeply unfulfilling. What I really want is a girl with patience who will appreciate my sensitivity, but this feels nearly impossible to come by.

It feels as though I am left with two options going forward with dating. I can be open about my feelings and expectations for a more patient girl and intimate emotional connection from the very start, but this seems to come across as needy, unattractive, and prudish to most women my age who just want to be carefree and are drawn to confidence and masculinity. Alternatively, I can try to relax and meet people where they are at – engaging in this more free lifestyle of casual dating and hookups, but I find this makes me deeply unfulfilled at best and feel used and taken advantage of at worst.

Any advice for me going forward would be much appreciated