I’m in a friend group with about 4 other guys, and one of them (ironically my closest friend of the group) has been driving me nuts with his lying. I’ve known him for several years and it seems to be a problem that developed over the past year or so – which is when we formed the friend group. He constantly lies about himself and makes up stories to look cool or one-up everyone. Like 80% of the shit he says is so obviously a lie (at least to me since I’ve known him for a long time), yet everyone else in the group believes him. I’ve never said anything or confronted him, I just sit there rolling my eyes as he rambles on while the other guys are entertaining his lies. He also tends to control the conversation and make sure it’s about him the whole time. And if I try to change the topic he just brings it right back to him being so amazing and cool. Sometimes he’s fine and things are really good! They are all great friends at the end of the day, I just can’t seem to get over this issue though.
It’s obviously an insecurity issue that I can’t do anything about. I think I want to distance myself from the group but I don’t really have any other good friends. But at this point I’m wondering if being alone is better than forcing myself to hangout with them just to have friends. Or am I just overreacting?
TLDR – Friend constantly lies about himself to look cool/one-up everyone. It’s very annoying. Should I cut them off or just deal with it?
3 comments
I use to be like your friend. I would compulsively lie to stay emotionally distant from others, to entertain the people I was with, or because I really couldn’t think of the truth quick enough so I told a lie that I felt was “of similar value.” I finally stopped when my partner and other close friends called me out (with love). They really said, “dude I love you so much, but stop lying holy shit.” I really needed to hear that my friends loved me unconditionally and I didn’t need to impress them. I still sometimes slip up, but I’m pretty quick to admit that what I said was a lie and correct myself.
>he rambles on while the other guys are entertaining his lies
Do they really believe him or do they just pretend to, because a confrontation would make things weird and spoil the fun? To me it sounds like they like hanging out with him enough that the lying is more of an entertaining thing than a problem.
I guess it depends on what you expect from this group. You can have them as normal friends instead of close ones, too, and find other people to get closer to.
The middle ground could be to tell him you see what it is doing with lying and it is mostly pathetic. Or say things like “yeah, but I want to say something too”. Give him feedback, set boundaries sort of thing. It could lead to breakup in friendship, but does not have to. Sometimes people do correct themselves after being given feedback.
I am putting it up as option, because my impulse whole life was to either distance myself or put up with it. So, I totally get distancing and also think everyone is entitled to distance when they want. But, disadvantage of that is that you are either putting up with issue or running away pretty much everywhere. Most of them have someone with some issue anyway.
And meanwhile, I watched people who were able to be healthily assertive to change environment for the better, make people do the thing that bothers them less.