My (m35) wife (f37) isn’t sure if she loves me still or if I am causing her depression. We have been together for 12 years. For the last 7 years she has struggled with sleeping disorders and hating her jobs but not knowing what to study, and not really being able to obtain anything good.
I have supported her throughout but now she is starting to think that I am the reason that she is depressed and that she just wasn’t listening to her heart out of fear for all of those years. I love her and don’t want to abandon her in a bad situation but I can’t see how this can work out long term if she is now starting to see me as the root cause of her problems.
Did anyone else go through a patch like this with your partner and get through it okay or did it just keep getting worse and worse until one of you decided to leave.
Tdlr; My wife of 12 years has many problems which I support her with but now she thinks that she doesn’t love me and that I am causing her depression. Have you been in a similar situation and did it work out well?
4 comments
THERAPY.
Therapy therapy therapy.
It’s obviously not your fault but it’s clear she wants a fresh start in her life to be independent.
Has she sought treatment for her depression?
your wife has been married to you for 12 years and after 5 years into the marriage she is becoming depressed because you are not properly leading her. As a man, you are the captain of the relationship and should absolutley be working towards something with her. Shes probably looking around at all her friends who are married and having children whilst she sits there everyday and you go to work, not having a purpose. Now people will argue that its not your responsibility for her depression but I disagree.
Depression is actually very simple when you break it down. Depression is a lack of purpose and sense of acknowledgement within a tribe. You say you cant see this working long term if she “sees you as the root of her problems”, but news flash, you are the root of her problems!
It is already long term! you’ve been together for twelve years and she is approaching 40, each day her ovaries dry up and her skin becomes wrinkly with nothing to show for it. I am generally against marriage in general as I see no benefit for it unless you want to have children so i must ask, why did you marry her in the first place?
She hates her jobs because they are not fulfilling and is desperately trying to find something that gives her a purpose, something to be excited for and you arent giving her that!. Women like excitement and the whole spectrum of emotions, what are you doing to provide this for her? This isnt just a patch for her, this has been building up for many years and you have just failed to spot it. You must give her a purpose as her man, as her captain and leader of your tribe!. This is going to be a bitter pill to swallow but if you leave her now, you will be abandoning her.
I see people mentioning therapy therapy therapy but that is just negotiated desire, you must do something, give her a reason to not be depressed being with you.
I am curious to hear what you say with regards to what you think you have been doing to “support” her.