For context, we dated in 6th grade and I broke up with her because I had a lot of issues.
We’re in 10th grade now and we started dating again. I’m still mentally ill, but I’ve been able to handle it much better than I used to. I still have pretty bad days/weeks, but overall, ive improved.
I often pretend not to be sad and cover it with humor because I don’t want to make her upset. She always asks me how I’m feeling, but I usually don’t tell her for that reason. So, when i talk to her, I am excitable, im making jokes, and I’m smiling.
Today, I asked her if she would still date me if I went to a psych ward (im having a horrible week) and she said that she probably wouldn’t because if I got “bad enough to need that”, that my personality would have changed. She’s not a bad person and she’s had to deal with her families (mental) health for her entire life, so her response is understandable.
I’m not upset about her answer, but it feels bad because I feel like I can’t ever tell her how I really feel now, and I can’t stop pretending to be happy. Should I break up with her, or should I slowly stop masking my emotions to see her reactions?
**TLDR; Im a very sad person, but I pretend not to be. My gf said that she would break up with me if my personality changed drastically, and I’m wondering what I should do about that**
6 comments
It sounds like you need to stop pretending to be okay and actually accept real help. Let her leave if she wants, your mental health is 1000x more important than a high school girlfriend anyway.
It’s not a good idea to hide who you really are from your SO. If she can’t handle the real you, then you should break up. But you should probably talk through it with her first, because what someone says they might do in a hypothetical situation often differs from how they react to it in actuality.
For someone who has been through some major breakdowns in life, and had many friends and support group members who have, I can tell you that there’s no was to confidently say your personality will change. Everyone is different.
After only one of my breakdowns did mine change. And it’s not like I got more violent, or lost interest in all of my hobbies. You often aren’t a completely different person (won’t say it never happens though.
Go to the hospital if you need to. If she sticks it out, keep seeing each other and just see where it goes.
If she can’t, y’all aren’t meant to be together at all, or maybe just in the near future.
Keep in mind your ages, and she’s probably not prepared to deal with all of this right now.
The thing about high school is that is when you are figuring out a good deal of your mental health struggles. My relationships were very short lived in high school because of my ROCD and relationship anxiety. I had a 3wk, 2wk, and 2month relationship… all extremely short lived and ended because of my mental health. my advice: be stronger. I’m in college right now and everyone has these amazing relationship stories that began in high school, and I’m here left in the dust. A lot of your firsts happen in high school and everything is more magical. Whatever your problem is, find a way to overcome it. Relationships & life become a LOT more tricky as time goes on because people become more… complicated, I guess. I don’t exactly know how to get you from point A to point B with your mental health but I will tell you to stop throwing yourself a pity party, at least publicly, and enjoy the woman you’re with. Yes, be open with her about your mental health, but also make sure to set milestones with your mental health that you can be proud of for overcoming, so that you feel like you have some authority with it. Things get better… keep learning about your condition through experience & don’t be like me and enjoy high school 🙂
You need to get help. See a therapist or someone. Pretending won’t work long term.
Break up. You’re only in 10th grade. It’s not like you’re getting married any time soon. It doesn’t seem like she can offer the support you need.