We had arranged marriage. Its been year now. I asked her reason and she doesn’t have one. She is good in bed and hardly ever says no to sex. But wont do doggy and similar back to face positions. Like why is it demeaning? Do any other women think that way?
edit: sorry but i have to explain that my wife is ok if i ask her multiple times. I am also thankful that my wife is not so soft that she will get offended if i ask her anything twice.
I am new to reddit. But some people here are living a sad life who cat ask their better half something twice. It makes me sad.
26 comments
That’s just a view some people have! I had a partner for a time who felt similarly and refused to have sex without us facing each other. I think she compared positions from behind as making her feel like an animal, in a bad way.
>I asked her reason and she doesn’t have one.
But you said she “*thinks it’s demeaning,*” so that’s her reason.
>Do any other women think that way?
It doesn’t really matter, since you’re married to your wife not any of the other women; and the important thing about women is that they’re people too. And each person will have their own specific preferences, and many will love it from behind while many others will hate every aspect of that position.
Unfortunately, in an arranged marriage you perhaps had limited opportunity to get to know each other’s sexual preferences and limits. I suppose you have to decide whether it’s something you can live with – and that’s entirely up to you – and if not, then you and your wife need to discuss that position and problem.
I’m *not* advocating for, or advising, a divorce because she doesn’t like a particular position but if you can’t handle her refusal then you need to work out some means of dealing with it. Whether you can work out what it is you want, and find an alternative position that she doesn’t find demeaning that satisfies your specific itch.
But she’s under no obligation to satisfy your every whim, and be prepared to accept that it’s something you are going to have to accept and respect.
Makes sense. It can feel VERY impersonal. Like realistically you could be imagining absolutely anyone whilst fucking someone in doggy. Also remember you get a view of her to stimulate you, she gets a view of nothing.
Women often enjoy their partner enjoying themselves, she can’t see you in doggy, in fact again you could literally be anyone.
I dislike doggy, does absolutely nothing for me (can’t see my partners enjoyment, makes me feel quite uneasy about being penetrated without seeing the person, and physically doesn’t hit any good spots).
The only things that would make it tolerable (so I didn’t completely zone out and start thinking about my jobs list or end up in pain) was him modifying it to be very engaging. Sometimes moving his body forward so he could kiss my neck or whisper in my ear, so I could feel his body warmth and hearing his voice reassured me it’s him/helped me relax. Using a mirror also helps because I could see his face and see his enjoyment. Also just being very touchy (boobs, bum, waist, hair etc), and giving a lot of verbal feedback.
Him listening would help too- not being turned on makes sex painful for a woman so sometimes if it wasn’t working we had to just stop and he wouldn’t hesitate if I asked to do that (in fact if I was quiet for too long he would freeze everything and check in), which in turn made me more comfortable trying it again.
Realistically none of us can tell you what HER reasons are. Try to have a proper conversation with her to find out.
Im a woman and while I don’t think it’s degrading I can 100% understand why she might think that.
If you try and argue around this or push it it will absolutely damage your relationship. She doesn’t need to justify why she doesn’t want to do something.
This is your wife’s sexual preference, respect it. it doesn’t matter what her reasons are, she has said no, so now you need to forget the idea and move on
Well, maybe if you should let her go at it on you from behind to better understand her thought process.
I feel the same way as your wife. Being in this position makes me feel like an object being used solely for someone else’s pleasure. During sex, it’s important for me to see my partner’s facial expressions and to be able to look into their eyes. Their pleasure is important to me and I cannot witness it when I cannot see their face.
Sex, to me, is a form of communication, a way to connect. Doggy is not conducive to this for me. In this position, little of our bodies are touching. It feels disjointed and disconnected. Conversely, the prone position is one of my favourites and we do not face each other, but there is much closeness, with his body on top of mine, his breath against my neck, his moans in my ear.
I don’t love doggy, but my work around has been to do it in front of a mirror. That allows us to look at each other. Still not my favourite, but it’s a compromise.
Reverse Cowgirl, it’s l kinda like doggy but she gets the control
You could ask her to do it in front of a mirror so you both can see each other. If that doesn’t work then you’ll just have to respect her boundary on this. Keep building trust and let her get there on her own.
>Like why is it demeaning?
She might take issue with you not being able to see her face/her not being able to see yours. But that’s just a guess. If you want to know why she thinks what she does…you’ll have to ask her to be *specific*. Maybe prompt her – is it because we can’t see each others face? Or is it because it feels too animalistic? Then maybe you can address the issue. Or maybe not. It may simply be a position you are going to have to accept not having.
Look, I love doggy style, but if she feels it’s undignified, leave it alone.
I personally think the ‘folded in half with legs up in the air’ is undignified but for me the fun and the experience are worth the trade off.
If it’s not for her, then that’s just how it is.
>sorry but i have to explain that my wife is ok if i ask her multiple times.
So you’re badgering her until she finally gives in.
>I am also thankful that my wife is not so soft that she will get offended if i ask her anything twice.
And you’re assuming that she’s OK because she isn’t complaining. Instead of realizing that she isn’t complaining because you obviously don’t listen to her.
That’s fine, she’s allowed to say no and your allowed to be disappointed, I don’t like dodgy either, I hate my body and am very self conscious.
My partner would love nothing more than me to sit on his face but it’s not something I’m comfortable with so he decided to live with that. I wouldn’t say it’s demeaning to me but I totally understand where she’s coming from and I understand why she’s frustrated if you keep asking when she’s said no already, I understand your frustration too it’s it’s a position you like but pushing it can damage your relationship.
Some women may feel less safe in this position, as many people have said, and also that sometimes feels like we’re an object for pleasure.
For some women those are reasons to not like it, some people like me may like being used to please their partner. Also for me it is a stimulating position and gives me enough space to touch myself too. Not to mention it is really good if my partner is interacting, holding me close and kissing me still, or choking/hair pulling etc if thats your thing.
But overall, the biggest reason i could see for females not liking it is feeling less safe since you can’t see your partner
The only times I have ever started to feel used or just like I was being his play toy, was only in doggy position. The vast majority of time it is good for both of us, but if I ever start to withdraw from him, it’s only been in that position.
I dated one girl who said that before, (though she ended up going on to say she had no desire to have sex with anyone, which was a dealbreaker for me). It sounds silly to me honestly, but I guess it makes them feel like an actual dog in a sense. There’s no eye contact, they’re on their knees, face down, getting pounded. I guess it feels less like lovemaking and more like they’re just getting used like a slut. Many women find that concept very arousing, but some do not. Either way, if that’s how she feels, then you can’t really change her mind. If you keep bringing it up, she’s gonna start to feel like you’re trying to pressure her into it.
I’m a dude and I won’t do doggy. For exactly the same reason as your wife. There is no personal connection. Really makes it feel like your partner is just a piece of meat.
I say let it be for now. She’s uncomfortable and that’s that. You guys have only been together for a year and since you guys have an arranged marriage, I think it’s safe to say that she has a more traditional and conservative way of thinking about sex. Badgering her won’t make it better and won’t make her trust or or become more comfortable I promise. You don’t want it to lead to resentment. Maybe one day she’ll change her mind and maybe one day she won’t. Either way that’s ok. There are more positions and ways for the two or you to feel pleasure together. Don’t focus on it too much or it’ll take joy out of the ways you do currently share intimacy.
i only find it demeaning when i’m just being hit from behind like some sex doll. if you’re kissing my neck, hold my tits, gripping my waist, feeling me up and speaking to me, then that’s different. that’s hot
I also do not like that position actually. I just emotionally never feel good when its done.
Well if she said no, then what else is there to know. She told you she feels like it is demeaning. Maybe it’s the name of the position that turns her off. Idk, but she did let you know she doesn’t want to, so you need to accept that. Being in an arranged marriage means you both have to accept each other as you are. She is not yours do do with whatever you want.
I mean, I would hate if my husband asked me to do things that he knew made me feel like it was demeaning regardless of the reasoning. I will say, however, that I LOVE doggy style – I like the way it hits. 🤷♀️ It’s one of my favorite positions. But different people like different things. I do commend you for having communication with her about it. That’s important. What about a spooning type position with you behind her? Is it something about just not wanting to be facing away from you?
That’s the risk you take marrying someone that you have not slept with. You don’t know if you will be compatible.
If she finds it demining then respect her and don’t force her into it.
She doesn’t like it man, get over it. No sense pushing the issue
i remember a post in this subreddit before someone mentioned they didn’t like their partner seeing their butthole and wouldn’t do any positions where their butthole was like out in the open. idk if that makes any sense but maybe it’s something like that?
No! You’re wife is not “okay” if you ask multiple times! What she’s doing is giving in because she’s sick of you begging/nagging her. The consent is not freely and enthusiastically given. Asking multiple times is coercion, and falls under rape. It doesn’t matter that you’re married, making her have sex doggy style is marital rape. When she says no the first time you drop the subject