I need some help please. A few years ago I was good friends with a guy named Trent. The two of us became close. Over the course of this friendship Trent would make strange comments about my body and touch my inner thighs. He would consistently touch me without my consent. It didn’t matter if I said no or looked uncomfortable. Eventually our friendship fell apart because of those issues and his condescending attitude. I hated him because of how he touched me and treated me.
I am now great friends with a guy named Ben. He’s gay and friends/FWB with Trent who is bisexual. They’ve known each other for about a year. I told Ben about Trent’s behavior and initially he was very distressed by it. Ben is now asking me to not bring it up ever again and seems to still be friends with Trent.
Ben wants to stay close friends but his relationship with Trent makes me uneasy/upset. I don’t want to break up a friendship but the whole situation is upsetting me. I’m not sure what to do about any of this.
TLDR: one of my best friends is friends with a guy who harassed me
3 comments
Ben chose not to be your friend anymore when he told you that you weren’t supposed to talk about your trauma anymore, and started having consensual sex with someone who sexually assaulted you. Sorry. It always sucks when we learn someone isn’t a friend.
I would break the friendship with Ben. Trent sexually harassed you and all Ben can muster up is “oh that’s so bad, now please stop talking about it because I want to have Trent around”. Imagine telling a victim to shut up when she tells you what your friend is really like.
My money’s on Ben having developed feelings for Trent, and he doesn’t want to admit that his crush is a POS.
You get to decide if you want to be friends with Ben.
You don’t get to decide if Ben stays friends with Trent.