My son (16m) asked me a while ago could his boyfriend sleep over, I thought about it and since there was no chance of pregnancy, I figured we’d give him then safe sex talk and let him.
Today I asked how was having his boyfriend sleep over, and my husband chimed in to say “you’re using condoms right?” it got awkward for a moment, before my son just said “no”.
We both questioned him about it, and he was surprisingly open, he said they aren’t using condoms because they aren’t having penetrative sex and that they were doing frotting (think lesbian tribbing, but for two males) and hand and mouth. No one said anything after that.
Should we still allow him to have sleep overs if he isn’t using protection? I mean I don’t know many people who wear condoms for hand and oral sex, but idk about the whole frotting thing.
10 comments
No and you should also probably talk to your doctor about getting him on Prep
Honestly, if your only issue is that they could have sex at night, I assure you they will have sex in other places during the day.
I think it’s better that you talk to him about the importance of using protection.
Edit: typo.
Gay dude here! Glad you guys are being supportive, it’s critical for young gay people to be able to have sex in safe environments…and especially for gay or bi men, there’s a very available world of sex with older men at their fingertips (literately).
You should buy them condoms, and they should be using them for anal sex *without fail*. The reality is that very few gay men use condoms for oral sex, and oral sex has a lower transmit rate (especially for HIV).
Non-penetrative sex like frotting is low risk, same with mutual masturbation.
Somewhere around thirty percent of men who have sex with men don’t engage in anal sex, just as a heads up.
I don’t see the harm in restricting him from his boyfriend. They’re obviously are not going to get pregnant and he was very open and honest and obviously trusts you enough to tell you what they are doing in bed. I think you and everyone knows regardless they will find a place and way to do sexual things together. You already have your foot in the door that he’s honest and you guys have a healthy communication about sex. Just have a safety sex talk and reiterate what needs to be taken into precaution.
He can still contract STDs/STIs via frotting and oral. Anything that allows opportunity for fluids or open wounds (like ingrown hairs, pimples, scrapes, bug bites, etc.) to interact can be a risk for infection. Using condoms for these acts isn’t always convenient or realistic, so the safest bet is to encourage and support him in getting tested regularly, on top of encouraging using protection.
Would it be possible for both boys to get tested? If they are exclusive and test negative for anything then there wouldn’t be an issue with not using condoms.
(51F) This is definitely something to discuss further. It’s AWESOME that he was open with ya both! Just knowing that, should make you somewhat at ease prior. I have 2 suggestions.
* Make it a light although serious conversation that never turns to arguing. Nobody wins once that happens and words can’t be taken back.
* He/they like MANY teens before them, ALWAYS find a place to play. So either in the safety of your home, or somewhere else.
That’s all I can suggest but I wish ALL OF YA the very best❣️
Talk about safe sex, skip for condom talk for things that aren’t penetration
He’s too immature and irresponsible to be having sex. I’d not let him do that under my roof even with protection. You want to do adult things? Take on the adult responsibilities that come with it like getting your own place and having your ducks in a row. I would advise you against trying to have him use protection if he’s to stay over with his bf because they could just lie and keep being irresponsible. I’d have them only go out on dates or even discourage him from dating at such an age and focus on getting his ducks in a row.
Take them to the std clinic to get tested. If they’re fine, then let them be. My bf and I (hetero couple) both got tested, and I have an iud, so we’ve never used a condom. But we did both get tested first.