First of all, this is my first post and I am so sorry if it is grammatically incorrect.
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. We have been living together for 1 1/2. We met at work. I am a year older but hold a significant title at an investment bank and he is relatively junior.
He has a history about lying over the smallest things (his salary, his friends, his fraternity in college) and admittedly I have a history of being insecure. Not a good mix, but we love each other and I think his lying comes from a place of trauma and not malice.
We work together on the same floor but different teams. I am insecure about a co-worker of his that is younger, his level and very pretty. (My fault, my insecurity.)
I won’t get into details of their history of communication. Today, while I was waiting for an elevator to close, I heard an interaction between them that hurt my feelings.
In the past, he claimed they never interact and he doesn’t talk to her. But I heard them flirting. His voice changed. Her voice was sultry and he was bragging about how important he was and he was going to be jr boss one day (and to my interpretation was a flirty tone) a tone I didn’t recognize from him. He bragged about himself and HIS apartment (although we share) and how she should come see.
My elevator closed and my feelings were hurt. I texted him about it and he said “I haven’t talked to her at all” until I told him I heard the interaction in which he said “you’re too insecure and need to realize that men and women can be friends” and “you are gaslighting me for having female coworkers.”
It was a harmless, flirty, interaction that hurt my feelings. How do we navigate this? Am I irrational? Thank you in advance….
3 comments
If the interaction hurt your feelings, it wasn’t harmless. He is trying to impress the woman and invited her to your home. Wanna bet it would be for a time you wouldn’t be there? He lies and then blames it on you. That isn’t love. I doubt he’ll change his ways.
You could always introduce yourself as his girlfriend to the co-worker. Her reaction might make his lies crumble.
When someone through their behavior shows you who they are- believe them.
He sounds like a guy with incredible low self esteem. It’s a serious problem that leads to lies and seeking external validation from women. You can’t fix him. And I doubt he can fix himself.
Harmless flirting isn’t a thing in (most) relationships.