Mostly just a rant. But, could use some advice.
We’ve been married for 5 years. Our sex life has basically devolved over time to where, When we have sex(usually 2 or 3 times a week), It always consists of me giving her oral till she finishes and then her wanting me to finish with doggy. Half the time, she’ll just tap out after the oral and ask me to finish myself off.
I’ve literally given her oral to finish 3 or 4 times in a row before and then have her tap out for the night and have to finish myself off. She never taps out if it’s her receiving oral. She only taps out when it time for her to reciprocate.
When we do finish with doggy, it’s always me doing all the work and her basically just waiting it out till I’m done.She never reciprocates oral. She knows that I love it when she’s on top. She’ll still only do that maybe once a year.
Sex basically just feels like a chore now. It’s always me doing stuff to/for her and never the other way around. We’ve talked about this multiple times and she’ll just put in a little more effort for a day or two and then go back to normal.
Not really sure what to do anymore.
12 comments
Tell her. And if she wont change, then change who you have sex with.
Leave, bro. Women love a man who gives good head, so get out there and show em what you got!
just ignite that puppy love first gf type of horniness .
however the hell it has to be done
love letters. whatever.
only u know what will actually get ur going
otherwise put the blame on you
you’re the man and have to lead the ship
File for divorce tbh. There’s no changing that its intensely selfish and I’d bet the rest of your relationship isnt much better if she’s ignoring you that hard and mostly just using you as free oral.
You need to have a serious, sit-down conversation with her. She has to right to say no to sex if she doesn’t want it, but that doesn’t mean she can neglect your needs.
This is close to what my sex life turned into right before she told me she didn’t love me anymore. Then I found the sexting texts. She’s already thinking about fucking someone else if she’s not doing it already. I know that’s not what you want to hear but it’s my reality, it could be yours too. Best of luck with it all my guy.
Talk to her. She may not even notice she’s doing it or it may be malicious, but you won’t know unless you talk about it. She also may be cheating, as this is a classic sign of cheating behavior, so pay close attention to her. If she refuses to change then leave, there are plenty of women out there who will actually appreciate a man who gives amazing and frequent head.
I understand where your coming from. I’m with a guy who only wants to have sex when he feels like it. If I wanted it he turns me down. I don’t know if I can hang on for change if he puts little to no effort.
Start tapping out yourself
So dont give her oral till she rides you. I know they say “she cums first” but the saying really should be “if they tap out before both are done, they cum last”
It’s very demeaning to be told to finish yourself off after you have finished her off. The first time it happened you should have told her off instead of allowing it to be repeated. Now she feels so entitled I wonder if the relationship can be saved. Since she’s so sexually selfish I wonder if it is even worth saving.
I think as the other commenters suggested, it’s time to sit down and talk with her about it. It’s challenging to talk about sex because it’s so vulnerable and intimate, plus we carry so many assumptions and ideas that it’s hard to imagine other people not having!
I would start by asking some gentle questions and using “I” statements. This means avoiding phrases like, “you never do this, you always do that.” Instead, try statements like, “I feel like our sex life is a little unbalanced. I wish i could have more penetrative sex, or I would like it if you could go down on me more frequently.”
The reason why is that blaming someone often makes them defensive, and then they usually are unwilling to see it from your pov. I think that if you can use reasoning to get to your root feelings then you may be able to connect without pushing her to the offensive;defensive position.
“I dont feel as satisfied with our sex life. I never want to push you to do something you don’t want to do, but I feel like my orgasm isn’t as important as yours. It’s so much more special/pleasurable to cum inside you or along with you instead of just masturbating by myself.”
You could also suggest some alternatives. Maybe you could ask if you two could focus on your orgasm first or try to cum at the same time together. 69ing?
I wish you a lot of luck with this. My belief is that everyone who wants annorgasm gets one!