Hello! For the last several years (at least a decade) I have been the “default” parent because my husbands job schedule entails shift work. It’s fine, he contributes and I also work full time which means I’m with our kids the majority of the time. I need help. For so long I have been the one that constantly picks up after messes, does the laundry, puts it away, schedules doc appointments, makes sure all the bills are paid, you get where I’m goin with this. Today, I decided that I was not going to pick up after anyone. I stopped doing laundry, putting it away, I haven’t done the dishes and the mess is driving me insane. Before you say, have you talked to your spouse about it. Yes I have and it’s good for two to three days but then he forgets. I’m tired, sleep deprived, and can’t remember the last time I did something for me. Am I being petty for not wanting to pick up after anyone or for once, hope that someone else does something.
4 comments
>For so long I have been the one that constantly picks up after messes, does the laundry, puts it away, schedules doc appointments, makes sure all the bills are paid, you get where I’m goin with this.
I’m not saying you’re wrong to demand he does more. You’ve essentially had a second job as “household manager” for the last several years. However, by the same token I think it’s worth realizing that like any job, there is a skillset involved with it. There will be an onboarding process and time involved in making the transition. You also have to be ok with your husband doing things differently than you would… which can be hard when you’ve got it completely figured out (even though you’re exhausted from doing it).
Give the children food bath then then go and sleep
I feel you!! A podcast I thoroughly enjoyed that I’m listening to it again is called beyond bitchy mastering the art of boundaries. Good for you taking your power back. You need to make your needs a priority and do some big time self care! Your feelings are valid!
He needs to be responsible for more. Stop doing anything for him at all until he does his share.
And the kids need to help you more as well. They sound old enough for chores.