Just had a thought that might be good for those of us over the age of thirty. This is coming from a guy, so not sure if women will find it practical!
My idea: wouldn’t it be great if “Practice Dates” were a thing? The purpose is to allow people to have a ‘practice’ date with someone, with no commitments and no expectations. The idea is an opportunity to ‘practice going on a date’. It might be a bit of fun as well.
So for example, a man or a woman could walk up to someone and say, “Hey, how about a ‘practice date’?” The (very firm!) rules are:
1. No pressure must be put on the person being asked to accept. E.g. no “c’mon, it’s just a practice date!” After receiving a simple “no”, the person asking must accept the “no” graciously and not ask again.
2. The person asking should nominate a place, which the other person needs to approve. The place must be public not private.
3. The date must be for coffee and cake (I love cake!). Each person must pay their own way.
4. NO ALCOHOL.
5. Definitely no kissing, no touching, no pressure to set up for another date, no walking person back to car, no exchange of phone numbers, no commitment at all to see each other afterwards.
6. The date has a time limit that is decided beforehand and firmly enforced. Either party can leave at any time early, with an apology but without giving a reason.
7. The date ends with a hand-shake.
8. No further ‘practice date’ can be proposed.
Of course, I understand that these may lead onto REAL dates later with that person. But the ‘practice date’ is accepted with the acknowledgement of both parties that there is no expectation that any further ‘date’ will be proposed.
What do you think? Good idea? Lots of problems that I (as a guy) haven’t foreseen? Any feedback welcome!
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Edited to add: Well, consider me shocked! I thought people would leap at this idea, but instead it’s been universally pooh-poohed. Could it be that I was wrong??? … No, it’s the world that is wrong! lol Thanks everyone for your responses!
24 comments
Sounds like a sterile, uninteresting date just called something different. It really just sounds like a date with strange parameters. It’s a no for me.
Sounds like a boring experience with an escort
That’s what a date should be, sort of. A date should be a low pressure situation (like coffee) and there should not be pressure for a second one. A no should be a no, and place and find should be set up like you said. #5 I think should be determined by the individuals on the date, if they’re ok with it they should be able to do so but if they aren’t, the other should respect that. #4 should be a given. Like . . . What dates have you been going on if you haven’t been experiencing these things? These should be what is happening on most dates
Sounds like just meeting a pal for coffee, why don’t you just do that instead? Like, you’ve essentially said “no romance or chemistry allowed” so how is it a date? Besides surely point 1 is relevant to all dates?
As a woman, this sounds like a waste of my time.
Well there was a friend of mine who kept getting into the wrong relationships. She was absolutely stunning, highly educated and very successful. Just had low self-confidence I guess.
So I took her out one night to show her what “A-game” looked like. Also known as a man actually making an effort. She was very appreciative and this helped her better understand what good look liked for her. She was just a friend and there was no chemistry between us, but I gave her that practice date.
Either you do a real date, or you pay some training coach to do “practice dates” with you. It’s a waste of time for anyone else getting this proposal
this sounds like an idea that sheldon cooper would come up with. i can already see penny rolling her eyes.
I might actually be willing to do this for someone as a favour. I remember once talking to this guy online who said he only chats online and doesn’t try to meet people anymore because he’s been stood up so many times. Would totally be up for showing up to a date with him just to help him restore some faith.
The limitation of the rules would prevent practice in many things that people could actually use for actual dates, though. E.g. the no touching… flirting and touching during dates is the part I could probably use some practice with haha.
This sounds like a really boring version of a first date. Sorry, I (33F) would not be interested in this at all if someone proposed it to me.
Let’s be honest, there is no perfect world in which both parties would leave even this situation with 0 expectations. Even with all of these firm boundaries, if one person doesn’t propose another date, there’s a very real chance that the other person is going to feel hurt. You can’t remove emotion just because you took away alcohol and fun.
Sometimes you just have to take the leap and do something that’s uncomfortable and could lead to feeling terribly after.
We can’t consistently make sterile “practice” versions of the hard parts of our lives. First dates and everything that surrounds them suck – but they’re also necessary for a variety of reasons. You can’t hide from that.
You can’t practice human interaction like that. Every date and every situation is different. Every woman wants different things and has her own expectations for a date. You can practice with some random person all day long but that doesn’t really give you an advantage when on a date with someone that you actually like
I’d rather do the speed/group dating thing.
Buddy, all of your dates are practice dates. And all of your relationships are practice relationships. There is no practice without stakes. If you need something looser than that, or are looking for specific kinds of feedback after, consider a dating coach.
All dates are practice dates. Think of what would happen if you treated them that way. Take all of the pressure off of it going somewhere and just go on dates to meet people and see what happens.
I used to do completely platonic practice dates. I had a really good female friend (who was married) who would come out to new restaurants and lounges with me. We would put on date appropriate outfits and I’d pick her up and everything. I would tell her all about the girl over drinks/dinner and she would give me feedback on what she thought. I could get her opinion on if the food was good, if it was too noisy, too dark or too bright as well as her opinion on whether the girl was potentially a good match for me, if my outfit was a good choice. Having someone from the opposite sex weigh in on the location, and the situation as a whole, really helped me better plan for a nice evening.
No, her husband (also a very good friend) didn’t mind… he got to stay home and play PlayStation uninterrupted for a couple hours, and she got to hang out with someone other than her husband lol!
Yes, sometimes the waitstaff would recognize me… no they didn’t ruin anything hahaa!
Nobody who needs a practice date has the confidence to walk up to someone and ask for one.
I tried to do something similar. Except I was looking for practice sex. I got a few women to say yes, but my overall rejection rate was too high for it to be sustainable.
A date is a date. Don’t complicate it.
It’s better to just set time limits on how long your date is going to be. Don’t set up any kind of date that’s going to go into the 3-hour dinner with drinks. Rather just set up a happy hour date you can pop in and then excuse yourself. Minimizing time also minimizes expectations for everybody.
That way too if you were seeing multiple people on a weekend or during weekdays you aren’t restricting your evening to one person that you may or may not vibe with. I know I’ve seen probably my fair share of Tinder dates at restaurants eavesdropping that there really was not much to eavesdrop on. And they would sit there for an awkward two hours and just eat their meals in silence.
No one wants that. Make it a happy hour (or less🍻).
Can’t really see the point in specifically setting up “practice dates,” especially with a rigid structure to them that won’t really be true to how your actual dates might go. However, I approach all first “dates” from OLD as basically what you’re describing – it’s an initial meet up to determine interest with no pressure, expectation, or guarantee that any more dates will come from it.
After getting back out there I’ve done practice dates but not this cringy shit; stated I was looking for a serious relationship and just matched with a few people I was not at all attracted to (overweight and a parent) to grease the wheels so to speak. Plus no worrying about the bill anyway since I have no intention of date number two haha – separate checks please!
Waste of time. Most of your list of do NOTs/rules is exactly what you would want to “practice” on a date.
This already exists — it’s called a video date. You have to bring your own cake though.
I feel like this is a derivative of “slow dating”? I think because dating moves so quickly now, especially with online dating, it can feel overwhelming. Maybe you should try slow dating the people you like?