I’m 23 and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been dating for 2 years.
The first year we were long distance. I live in Ohio and she lived in Texas. She came here and got her graduates degree and chose to stay another year. Our relationship is great.. we get along so well, she gets me and I get her. More than anything I could ask for. The only issue… her mother. Her mom is best friends with my girlfriend ex boyfriend (who was abusive and it was a terrible situation). For some reason, her mom is still kinda obsessed with him. She would bring him up to my girlfriend so often and she asked her to stop and she wouldn’t. They got into a huge fight and then she stopped doing it so frequently. But the ex boyfriends mom is still so involved in my girlfriends life. I’m talking they do things for holidays, come to graduation parties, etc. I know I should be so thankful my girlfriend has other people who love her regardless of who it is. Her mom doesn’t acknowledge me really. She doesn’t talk to me, ask about me. For my girlfriends graduation she posted pictures of every single person besides me. I’ve never dealt with this in previous relationships so I’m not sure how to handle the situation. I try to talk to my girlfriend about it and she says she’s tried and that her moms just like that and is so narcissistic, and stuff like that. I hate how involved the ex boyfriends mom is and I wish there were boundaries set to make me feel comfortable without my girlfriend telling me she doesn’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings so she still communicates with her. She’s involved in things my own family isn’t. They don’t text but when her mom calls or Facetimes her, she’s almost always there too. I think it makes it worse her mom doesn’t try and hasn’t even tried to form a relationship with me. I’ve sent her mother’s day gifts, birthday gifts, etc. I don’t get even a hello in return. I guess I just don’t know what to do. My girlfriend says this is something that has bothered her before she even met me (her ex boyfriends mom being so involved). I just feel like if that were true she would do something about it especially now since she has the choice to do so. I’d be sad without her and I hate this is even an issue. How would you navigate this situation?
TL; DR! I hate my girlfriends mom barely acknowledges me after 2 years of us being together. And I hate how involved the ex boyfriends mother is.
3 comments
This is something you will either have to have your GF address or let go. She can tell her mom she needs to treat you better and create consequences if she doesn’t.
Ouch, her mother really has her own plan for her daughter that is all about how the mother feels about life and what the mother wants.
I think that you’ve tried a whole lot to try to make things right and it just isn’t getting any better. But your girlfriend told you already that things would be like this.
What is most important right now is for you and your girlfriend to be on the exact same page and to be a team together. It would be good for both of you to start rehearsing how you will deal with different situations together so that you can both know what to do when they come up. What would you do when she gets invited to a family barbecue but you don’t? What should you do when you come along anyways and the abusive ex-boyfriend is there? What should you do when the mother calls and facetimes her daughter and you are there in the room, should you pop in and say hello for a minute?
Both of you try to work together to create a game plan for different situations. I think this will be a fun activity for both of you but also I think you will feel very relieved that now you know what you should do and that you and your girlfriend are working as a team. Right now it feels like you are your own team trying to make her mother happy and she has told you that is an impossible mission so you are quite miserable being all alone in this.
Why don’t you try to form a relationship with your gf mom? I know it’s hard and her behaviour does not help, but you can just try to see smth good in her and speak to her as a separate person, not just your gf’s mom. She has her own opinion and wishes for her daughter, even your gf cannot influence that. So you may wait till your gf gives an ultimatum to her mom over you, of you can make an effort and spare everyone from making that decision. You don’t need to be great friends with her, just a bit cordial helps.