Currently in a almost 2 year relationship. A few months before the first year I found out I was cheated on. I’m far from perfect however I’ve never cheated on my partner, I do not flirt with other people or stay in constant communication with partners from past relationships, I was upfront and honest about my feelings both good and bad from the beginning, I was vocal about what I needed in order for the relationship to progress, I was attentive, we laughed, we cried, we partied, we encouraged each other to do better, we made goals and plans, I was completely vulnerable …..all that just to be cheated on.
I agreed to attempt to work through it. I set boundaries. All were crossed repeatedly. At this point I am nowhere near as emotionally invested as I was before the cheating ordeal. I do just enough to get by and at the moment it’s working for me.
My partner has requested on multiple occasions what it is they are wanting from me, to be the person I was before I was cheated on. I’ve explained now a handful of times unless they made changes on their end and stayed consistent I would not be able to be that person I once was because I don’t feel safe being that vulnerable.
My partner hasn’t made any real attempts to give me what I need. We had a conversation today where I asked if they would like to be in a open relationship. They were caught off guard.
My reasoning is…when it comes down to it I genuinely love my partner. We have a great time together. We still motivate each other and the intimacy, although not as consistent as before, is still great. I’m seeing they like the attention they receive from other people. Whether its coming from someone they just met or an old flame sends a message. I recognized this and offered an open relationship. They quickly turned it down. Reason being they don’t want to deal with other people. Which is news to me because they don’t miss an opportunity to “innocently” entertain.
Was I wrong for doing so? Am I wrong for no longer wanting to compromise my needs in a monogamous relationship?
1 comment
You gave them a second chance, and it hasn’t worked. That should be enough. I made the same mistake as you and it just got worse down the line