Hello everyone, I’m sure most of you said yes to the topic title but I will try to paint a backstory.
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I (M, 35) met a beautiful woman off of Bumble (F, 36, we are 4 months apart in terms of age) and we’ve gone on 4 dates and there hasn’t been a first kiss. Date 1 was a restaurant get to know each other, Date 2 we went to the massage parlor that I usually go to and then went out to eat, Date 3 we went to my favorite restaurant and Date 4 we did an Escape room, went out to eat and went to a bar afterwards. She’s a very reserved person that doesn’t show much emotion or doesn’t really open up her feelings. While we were drinking on date 4, she did mention that she can’t figure me out because I’m somewhere inbetween friendly vibes and I mentioned I might relocate down in the future (I’m talking 5 years down the line) and that threw her off because she wants something that’s going to be long term. For some reason I convinced to do one more date tomorrow and see what happen but am I wasting my time if the first kiss hasn’t happened 4 dates in? Should we just be friends and move on? Feel free to be as honest and brutal as you want to be.
19 comments
Did you try to kiss her or not?
I don’t think I’ve ever gone four dates without having sex. What you describe sounds like more like two buddies hanging out, and her comments pretty much confirm that.
So let me get this straight – she straight up tells you that she can’t figure out why you’re giving her friendly vibes? And instead of just making a move, you tell her that you’re planning to move away soon??
Women really aren’t that mysterious dude…
OP
Not going to be brutal but just honest
Most women want and expect a man to kiss them
A girl won’t go on a second date (much less a 3rd or 4th) with a guy she doesn’t want to kiss
Radical idea:
Go out again and… ready?
Just kiss her
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You got nothing to lose but your fear…
Maybe she is old fashioned and waiting on you to initiate the first kiss
MAKE A MOVE!!!
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It could be that you are shy / scared of making a move because she doesn’t show her emotions.
Maybe while planning the next date, you could text her what you are going to do and then say that you are also going to kiss her (don’t ask, tell). Or you could invite her over to your place. Her reaction to these situations should tell your whether she still has interest in you.
Also, since your main question is
>Am I wasting my time?
I would say yes. She is 36 and single. Honestly, she needs to get her act together and make more efforts in dating. If she is very reserved and doesn’t open up, you need to decide if you should continue dating her and it shouldn’t depend on whether you managed to kiss her or not.
Going with most of the comments here but with a slight twist. ASK HER ABOUT IT. Say you would like to kiss her / have more physical intimacy and see what she says.
Yes women can initiate too, or if they want you to « just kiss them » they should be communicating that they’re open to that.
OR you can just use your words like an adult!
I was in this situation earlier this year. Before planning the 5th date, ask her how she’s feeling about you so far and if she normally waits this long to kiss someone.
If you like her answer, go on date #5. If you don’t like her answer, agree that you two aren’t a romantic match and move on to other prospects.
Is there overall touching? You need to establish that first
MAKE A MOVE. You’re a grown man lol. Go for it. If you like her, SHOW HER. I get it’s 2022 and the world has changed but sometimes a man has to still be a man. And I don’t mean to put you down AT ALL op so please don’t think that. Good luck! You got this
I recently went on 4 dates with a guy because I genuinely enjoyed his company and hadn’t laughed that hard in years. In the back of my mind, at the end of each date I was praying he wouldn’t try to kiss me because I just wasn’t feeling the romantic spark. I finally told him at the end of the 4th date and he respected it, and we are still great friends and I give him dating advice. So…I’m thinking friendzone here.
Why do you want to rush into kissing? I think nowadays things go so fast with getting intimate without getting to know each other better before. Just chill and enjoy each other’s company, the point is to find a person you enjoy spending time with, although chemistry is also important of course but it’ll come.
Think it’s kinda hot building the tension as well.
Didn’t kiss my fiancé for a month. 8+ times hanging out later I was like let’s get married. I’d only hugged him at that point. She said she can’t figure you out because you’re in between friendly vibes and saying you’re going to move down to where she is. She had told you she wants something long term and is still going on dates with you. At this point, the ball is in your court. If you also want something long term with her say so. Hold her hand when you walk. Be close with her. Watch the movie Hitch before your date and practice your end of date kiss lean in. Typically, the guy is the one to make the moves. So yeah, as everyone else on here said, make your move. But only do so if you see something long term. She’s 36 and it doesn’t sound like she’s wanting to wait around a long time for commitment.
It feels a little odd but I also can’t get pass the massage parkour on date two or saying you’re moving away and being surprised if she’s not demonstrative after that.
Honestly just try and kiss her – hold hands, stop and when you’re in a romantic place and she’s smiling, kiss her.
It sounds like you don’t have the CONFIDENCE to kiss her or to be with her.
Just ask her. Do it in a sultry way. Consent is hot.
I don’t think it’s a problem not to kiss at this point. You should be initiating some physical contact like holding hands, walking with your arm around her, hugs, etc. to make it clear this isn’t a friend situation and you want something more.