Currently, I am 16 years old and about to be a junior in hs. The only time I can remember when I wasn’t socially awkward was in elementary school. Throughout my years, my friend group has gradually narrowed down to a small group of close friends and some of my cousins. It’s complicated between some of my friends now, because some of them came from a different friend group my that original middle/elementary school friend group knew previously, and I had only met them online when playing games together and then later at my school. So, in my current friend group I have never been to their houses and barely hung out with them due to my fear of how awkward it would be randomly hanging out at one of our houses or somewhere else due to their parents never meeting me or knowing my parents at all previously. When I talk to anyone else besides some mutual friends, I am extremely quiet and awkward. Even with my close friends I find it difficult to make eye contact. I find it difficult to not perform basic tasks awkwardly in front of anyone. The more I think about it, I also long for intimacy but at the same time fear it. I’m not misogynistic, but I can’t help myself to be anything else but crippling anxiety when it comes to talking to the opposite sex. I feel genuinely pathetic and hide most of these problems deep within myself. When I talk to people I don’t know, for some reason, I also talk in a slight monotone, maybe because of how nervous I am. It’s not even like I’m insecure about my looks, the only thing I have really been insecure about at all is how skinny I am. Many of my friends have told me I look pretty attractive. I had an ugly duckling phase in middle school so maybe that has something to do with how I am now. But I don’t know why I’m like this. I also have loser hobbies like coding, math, and video games but don’t even get good grades because of my terrible work ethic and how much of a lazy sack of shit I am. How do I get over these inherent flaws with myself?
2 comments
Start lifting. Practice staring at the right eye when listening or speaking to someone. Girls come to you when you don’t seek them – when you’re constantly seeking they can smell the insecurity. Jerk off only once a week and in the morning. Avoid sugar or caffeine (it feeds anxiety same with going to bed late).
There’s no magic bullet but there are a few things that can help. First note that social skills are like any other skill (sport, math, art) they come more naturally to some than others but they can be improved through practise. Take opportunities to mix with a range of people. It can help if you’re all working together on a project or in a team (volunteer work, sports team). Play to your strengths if you don’t like team sports try rock climbing. If you love animals volunteer at a shelter etc.
If you’re trying to improve your social skills treat yourself as you would a friend who you were trying to help learn a new skill. You wouldn’t constantly call them a loser if they weren’t perfect at first because it wouldn’t help. Give yourself a break.
Work on yourself as an individual. Think about what attributes you value in other people and develop them in yourself. For example if you value kindness male sure you’re always considerate. If you like people who are knowledgeable make sure you’re well read yourself.
Confidence will help in social situations. You can improve confidence through self care (make sure you wear clothes you like, your hair is done nicely etc). Try mindfulness (I use the calm app 10 mins a day and I can’t believe the difference it makes), exercise (something you enjoy – even if it’s just walking listening to music).
Keep in mind what you’re hoping to achieve. Presumably you just want to be happy. If you’re naturally introverted you might be happier with a smaller group of close friends. That’s fine.