My fiance (35F) and I (33M) have been together for just over a year now. We are living together and will be getting married in a few months.
A couple days ago, we had a disagreement about our investments recently. I take 10% of my salary and invest it under a retirement savings plan in a broad market ETF. Perhaps due to the recent poor performance of the market, she thought that I shouldn’t continue investing in stocks at the moment. I explained that through dollar cost averaging and having a broad market ETF I would be reducing the risk. Additionally I told her that in the long term, the market will be net positive and that closer to retirement the funds would be switched to be more conservative.
She disagreed because of having “a bad feeling about it” and because I didn’t set a limit so that what I was doing was equivalent to gambling at a casino. Even when I showed her articles and information backing what I said, she dismissed it as “bullshit”. Throughout the whole thing she was angry and agitated. We went to bed angry and the next day eventually agreed to speak to one of her older relatives that she highly respects. We are waiting for that person to return to town.
In the meanwhile, I am feeling very discouraged and disrespected that she could so rudely and easily dismiss what I think is solid evidence. I understand that some people are emotionally driven but I find it hard to swallow that she can dismiss logic so easily. These feelings are making me feel very uncomfortable and dissatisfied, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Advice or insights?
Additional background information and thoughts:
We both make good salaries and will be able to live comfortably without money worries but she doesn’t seem totally secure about it.
In general, I’m the more knowledgeable and diligent one and she relies on me to help her with financial decisions such as mortgages, loans, and insurance. This is one reason that I am particularly upset this time.
Our occasional blowups are usually due to this emotion vs. logic perspectives but it’s never involved direct evidence like in this case. She has complained during other arguments that I’m always right and she’s always wrong. IMO, she can be prideful and occasionally gets angry over perceived slights. In fairness, I can be critical and impatient but I don’t think that it was a major factor in this argument.
TLDR: I’m upset after an argument about investments because my fiance dismissed the evidence I presented as bullshit even though it is generally accepted by most people.
4 comments
She is financially illiterate and unless you’re in a financial career maybe you don’t seem like a beacon of wisdom that she’s looking for.
Get an appointment with a financial advisor.
Honestly instead of relying on a single relative you should post this to r/personalfinance and let her see what the responses say.
You’re right here, btw, she just needs to see someone else say it
dating just about a year, moved in together, engaged, marrying soon… will shortly contribute to the divorce rate going up a little bit. knowing nothing about each other doesnt mean you progress further into the relationship
She doesn’t trust your judgment because neither really knows the other.
Plus, she’s 35yo. There’s no excuse for her ignorance. Sounds like she also has no retirement.
Postpone the wedding. There’s a lot you need to discuss (not just basic financial management).