I still love my partner, so why am I like this?

I’m at a loss in understanding why I’m feeling and reacting to my partner and our relationship the way I am.

We’ve been together for over a decade, and married just over two years. We went through some major life adjustments in the last year that were hard on my partner and relationship. For a while, I was the only one attempting to initiate physical intimacy. We struggled with feeling like we weren’t each meeting each other’s physical or emotional needs; dealt with depression (both of us) and anxiety (my partner); but pushed through.

Now, I’m going through a period of what I guess I could call depression? I don’t really feel like engaging with my partner during the day—not because of anything specific I think, but just because I don’t feel like engaging with another person period. I also am feeling very touch averse. But my partner feels deeply rejected and hurt by this, and then I feel guilty and we enter this spiral of bad feelings.

We both agreed that meeting with a therapist is a good idea after a really tough conversation where my partner asked if I was going to ask for a divorce. I think this is going to help, but I still struggle to name why I’m feeling so…disconnected.

Has anyone been through anything like this? How did you get to the other side? What did the other side look like?