so, basically, I’ve been trying really hard to detect people to stay away from due to them being toxic. it’s taken me a while because I’m neurodivergent and it affects me being able to read social cues. i’m not sure why it takes me super long and, at this point, i’m not sure if there’s a way to fix it.
one primary example would be when I would think about how people treated me back in middle and high school. i would try to give myself (and others) the benefit of the doubt that people I’d hang out with would have my best interest. but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much signs I’ve missed suggesting otherwise. i just feel so dumb because I didn’t ask to be socially delayed and I never really received proper guidance nor any consistent counseling on how to be more socially appropriate (for a lack of a better term).
it’s even affected me now in a negative way because I would come across people who would project their inadequacies onto me, talk about how they know my life and try to dictate how I should run my life. it’s all really uncomfortable and invasive af.
i just want better for my life, and that includes trying to protect my energy and surround myself with people who have my best interest in life. but I’m wondering if that will even happen or if I even deserve it. idk if that makes sense but if you got this far, thanks for reading.
1 comment
Believe it or not, many people struggle with this. Experiencing red flags whilst in the environment and situation is the hardest thing and is always much easier observed from the outside.
I’ve heard people use journaling as a way to reflect on their journey or circumstances from the outside to be very effective.
I also have a trick I use personally (because I struggle with a similar thing). It is a test of sorts. There are certain activities I do on the regular. I benchmark how I perform and how things turn out when I know I am clear of any external influences. For me, it’s gaming (certain repetitive arcade game I play the same map over and over again) or with cooking.
When I am well, I clean and cook and score a certain way, and accomplish this small set of things in this order. When something unsavoury enters my life that I”m not aware enough that it is negative but my body knows it, I recognize I’m doing things differently, things are more rushed, I’m skipping steps, I’m scoring different or I just want to discard my habits. These are all serving as redflags where I tell myself, I know something is wrong. But I can’t tell exactly what at this point. But that’s enough for me to pamper down and slow down to stop this disturbance, usually with my lack of willingness to participate at such a high level, these red flags go away by themselves and I level off at a good level. This has served me well through out life and has been my only reliable indicator that I can always trust (even though sometimes it takes weeks to level off)