I (21F) became friends with Brooke (21F)when we were in middle school. I used to have feelings for her. I was stupid enough to tell my brother (33M) that I had these feelings. Within a month he was sleeping with her and she was completely wrapped around his finger. He was sleeping with other girls but she wouldn’t even talk to guys at all. To his credit he did stop hooking up with other people when they became ‘official’ though. She wanted to go to school to become a nurse but he said no and convinced her to go to school for early childhood education because he wants her to be able to have a at-home childcare business.
A few months ago he got her pregnant. She found out pretty early on (6 weeks). When she found out she called him and left him a voicemail and he never answered her. She sent him texts and he didn’t answer. He ghosted her for two weeks, literally not answering her or anyone who tried to contact him for her.
I encouraged her to terminate. Because the way I saw it if he couldn’t support her when she found out she was pregnant, how would he support her when things got really hard? She did decide to terminate but it’s not like it was because of me. She came to the decision on her own. But when my brother found out he flipped out on her. It was really bad. He told her she never should’ve done something like that without talking to him first. And that he hadn’t been answering because he needed time to process. He didn’t talk to her for another few weeks after that and she was a mess. From the termination and his reaction. She hit a really dark spot and she even stopped talking to me. It was scary for a bit. And then my brother asked her to move in with him. And it was like she was totally back to normal. And that was a few months ago. Two weeks he asked her to marry him and she said yes. Last weekend had an engagement party and at it everyone kept asking them when they were going to have kids and my brother kept saying right away, etc. I guess at some point that night the termination came up. She either told my brother I forced her to get it or strongly encouraged it or at least thats how he took it. He flipped out on me. Saying I did it out of spite because I had feelings for Brooke and hated the idea of them having a family together. I told him I did it because he ghosted her for two weeks and he said that he needed time to figure everything out and I wouldn’t understand that because I’m impulsive and reckless, and that I killed his child. He called up my parents and told them a similar story, saying that I rushed Brooke into making a decision and thats why theyll never meet their grandchild. Nobody is listening to my side of the story or cares what I have to say and I don’t know what to do.
*She’s still one of my best friends, but I don’t have romantic feelings for her anymore, I’m in a happily committed relationship with my boyfriend.*
10 comments
What a shit show. Maybe these people are more drama than they are worth.
Does your family know that their son treats his girlfriend like this? What scum
Its fine to cut toxic Family members out of your Life If my brother did this i’d beat his ass then never see him again
Your brother is a predator – a 33 year old dating a girl who has only just entered her 20s, who he has known since she was a child; so much ew. And wanting to get married and saddled with kids ASAP is very typical of abusers. They work to make it difficult for their abuse victims to leave very quickly. So they’ll work to make sure leaving means a legal battle – i.e., marraige – and they like victims to have as little work experience and qualifications as possible, so that they can knock them up and they’ll have no way to leave. After all, it becomes way harder to leave when you have the expense of a baby and no way to make money.
And apparently your family is very supportive of your brother being a gross, manipulative, abuser. I guess that’s he ended up that way in the first place.
Anyhow. Your brother will treat your friend a lot worse after they’re married and after they have kids. Her life is going to be destroyed, possibly permanently. But she has chosen this repeatedly, and unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything else you can do for now. Tell her “hey, maybe I can’t support you choosing abuse now, but if you ever decided you need to leave, no matter how long it has been, just give me a call.”
Have you told Brooke what you think do the way your brother treats her?
Your brother is a predator, full stop. His girlfriend terminated her pregnancy becuse he is abusive and unsupportive.
The people that refuse to listen to your side of the sorry are not your allies. If they are choosing to listen to your chaotic, crazy brother, that is entirely on them. I would honestly go low contact for a while.
But, I’m sorry, are they still together?!
You should never ever actively encourage someone to terminate. That is a shocking move in your part, why would you ever think it’s your place to do that? I am as pro-choice as they come but even I know it’s support someone’s choice no matter what they choose, never push one of the options. No matter how much an a-hole your brother is that was totally out of line on your part.
Your brother is scummy. He’s controlling and if he’s not abusive yet, he soon will be.
So I don’t think brooke is really your friend anymore either, if she is willing to throw you under the bus to your entire family.
First, you did nothing wrong. You offered advice and she made her own decision.
Second, you have to figure out how to move on from these people. Try and have a conversation with your parents or other family members that you care about, and explain your side. I would honestly say something like “brother wouldn’t return brooke’s calls for weeks, she asked my advice and made her own decision, but if I need to be the scapegoat for the two of them, fine, but I need you to know the truth.” If they won’t listen, then leave it be. That is really hard, as it sucks knowing people don’t like you, are mad at you, or have false information.
Brooke and your brother are in a toxic relationship, and you have been sucked in. There is no healthy way for you to interact with either of them, so you need to create space. Brooke will inevitably call you when something goes wrong, and you need to NOT be there for her. Their toxicity will infect your life- it already has- and will ruin other relationships, so you have to cut them out entirely, or there will be even more drama in the future.
I do hope you can take some time to speak with family you care about and want in your life, but remember you can’t control what others believe, you can only try and tell the truth and accept that not everyone will believe you.
Sorry to hear about your brother behaving badly and making you out to be a villain.
Unfortunately, your friend is willingly and willfully entering into a consensual relationship. She’s not under duress or forced to date him, she chooses to. There’s nothing you can do to stop her outside of voicing concerns that she’s ignored.
She’ll likely just have to have a crash and burn heartbreak and learn a lesson.