I (29f) feel like I have too high of a sex drive for my bf (26m). When I say I’m horny all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME. He has no problem satisfying me, he’s amazing at it actually. He’s gorgeous, and the fact that he’s great at it makes me want it even more at times, but we maybe only have sex 2-3 times a week? I would love to have it daily, or even more than once a day. He knows this. But he’s more of a one and done kinda guy, I think the last time we had sex more than once in a night was when we very first got together. I am more open to things like toys, role playing etc, and I’m much more experienced than he is. But I’m ovulating right now which usually makes me into a damn sex fiend for about a week and I was messaging him at work telling him how I couldn’t stop thinking about him, him being inside me etc and he kinda laughed it off and when I got home he barely gave me a kiss and went back to his games. It’s affecting me mentally at this point. He tells me how hot and beautiful I am all the time, but one of my languages is touch which he’s aware of. It makes me feel very unwanted at times and ashamed to just be blown off as “you’re always horny what’s new”.
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> He’s gorgeous, and the fact that he’s great at it makes me want it even more at times
Here’s the thing: [Sex begets sex](https://tichazblo.wordpress.com/2022/01/14/affectionate/). The more you have, the more you want. Both men and women have testosterone in their bodies, and when you have sex for a while, your testosterone levels rise. Since testosterone is a big contributor to sex drive, that means your libido rises too. Set a sex goal with your partner. Try making a commitment to have sex on certain days a week for a month and see how you both feel. And no, he doesn’t have to have an erection always, certain days [let him go down on you](https://tichazblo.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/savage/), on other days [let him give you a relaxing vagina massage](https://tichazblo.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/vagina-massage/)….if anything there is [quite a lot he could do with his hands mouth and body](https://tichazblo.wordpress.com/2022/01/12/female-pleasure/) which does not involve a penis but will surely leave you feeling like a sexual Goddess.
Before you say it – I know, I know. I felt a cringe myself when I first heard this suggestion. I thought to myself “You can’t schedule something so delicate as sex! What if I’m not in the mood? That’s for sure going to take all the passion out of it!” But it didn’t!
And here is why:
Imagine for a second you run into a good of friend of yours. You have a lovely chat over coffee and decided that you should meet again soon. But instead of scheduling your next meet up you decided to play it by ear leaving your next meeting to chance. Thankfully, you run into each other again in a few weeks, but this time you choose not to rely on luck and schedule your next coffee for next week. Both of you make a decision on a spot to make it a priority to see each other next Wednesday. Now ask yourself, is your next coffee date going to be any less exciting because it’s scheduled? Chances are you answered ‘No.’ That’s right. A planned activity is no less exciting than a non-scheduled one if you enjoy spending time with the person.
Think back to the time when you and your partner were starting to date. Didn’t you schedule your dates? Didn’t you anticipate to end up having sex on those dates? You did, didn’t you. By scheduling sex in our busy lives, we make sure we make it a priority, just like we prioritize a birthday party. Our sex lives deserve the same recognition and respect.
The recipe for regular sex is simple: get together with you partner, decide on how many times a week and what days of the week you want to prioritize your sex for, schedule it and stick with it, no ifs and buts.
You may have a sex addiction. You might want to seek therapy or try to get some help. Sex isn’t bad, but it becomes a problem when it starts to effect those around you. Just try and communicate with your partner how you feel, but you can’t put too much pressure on them because they might not like that pressure. But for me, I try to satisfy myself twice at night so that I won’t pressure my boyfriend. Just make sure it’s not an addiction first, and think about how it effects him as well. You’re a team, so it will effect both people.
I could have wrote this myself.
It does leave me feeling undesired which makes me grumpy, and masturbating doesn’t fill the void as much as I would like. I spoke to my boyfriend and told him I don’t feel very desired by him and he has made a bit more of an effort, but I don’t know if he will keep it up.
Another thing in my relationship which has probably messed up my idea of desire and sex is the fact I found out my boyfriend had a porn addiction shortly after moving in with him. He would turn me down for sex because he had already masturbated that day, he was always tired and never seemed enthusiastic about the idea of having sex with me. Now I overcompensate I think. He has given up porn for a year but I still get very anxious.
Respectfully,
Some recent studies show that video games are like porn, they reduce sexual drive in the real world.
The fantasy world takes over.
This is a continuation of the TV studies, a TV in the bedroom will generally reduce sex by 35-40% over time.
A second note is with no children in the home, your sexual prowess is peaking at 29 years old, you are no longer afraid, you are confident, experienced and feel safe in your own environment (home).
Add into that you are REALLY into your partner.
Its a harsh reality to consider, but you might not be sexually compatable with your current partner.
Some guys live for the chase, and once the chase & conquest is over, he has his objective, the interest wains and he looks for other stimulation…
> I would love to have it daily, or even more than once a day
That’s relatively light for a male libido aged 25-30somethingIllletyouknowehenireachit
What an a-hole. Would rather play video games than have sex? He’s a loser. Tell him to go back to his mamma’s basement if he wants to play video games instead of fucking you.
The book: Come As You Are really helped me and my girlfriend.
I (22M) am in the same position as you, and my GF (22F) has the much lower sex drive.
It’s not something that reflects badly on you, its just how you deal with it.
Often times for the other partner, being pushed into sex will lower their drive for it. The book gives a few ways to help with this.
Its a logical and evidence based book written by a sex therapist, who has been working in the field for 10+ years.
Feel free to skip any chapters if you’re not enjoying them or feel they don’t apply.
Hope this helps, I don’t post to reddit ever so sorry if this isn’t normal formatting.
Welcome to the club
Personally, I think the Sex begets Sex theory is horseshit. I hate to tell you, but he’s never gonna satisfy you. He may be handsome and say all the right things, but his sex drive isn’t gonna change, and you sense that deep down, so you’ve already had to adapt yours to his.
Believe me when I say that there are so many guys out there who would die to have a girl with your high-octane sex drive. You’re a hot girl who wants to have sex multiple times a day ? OMG what heaven did you fall out of ? That’s every normal guy’s wet dream come true. I am speaking from experience here because I plodded along for years in other relationships thinking I was somehow abnormal for wanting sex more than once or twice a week. Then I met someone like you and realized that I’d been settling for less, adjusting my desires to the other person’s needs in all my previous relationships. That woman made as many advances on me as I did her, we fucked at least three times a day for years, and were happy as clams.
So here’s the thing – I’m not shaming someone for having the libido they do, but those comments he makes about you “always wanting it” etc leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Perhaps I’m over sensitive, because I am also an HL woman who dated an LL man for a long time, who would also mock me for being always ready. Over time it made me just grow dissatisfied and upset, made me feel unwanted and unattractive, which led me to want him less. We didn’t break up because of this, but I’m not going to lie, it was a bit of a factor.
I think you need to sit him down and explain how his jokes and comments make you feel, and try and find a solution that works for both of you. But at the very least, the comments need to stop since they make you feel bad.
Offer your gift to those who would appreciate it and cherish and reward it and see how fast his tune changes . Might cause a fuss but he’ll get the point .
Same, but I’m the BF in my story.
Female. I have a really high sex drive and it can be difficult to deal with. Do you have toys to help?
Same, but I’m the BF in my story.
It is so crazy that so many people are in the same boat with one high libido partner and one low. I know someone will always be higher but why do we do this to ourselves as the HL partner? It is just so nuts to me. I get so frustrated with my wife because of her low desire. We fight about it all the time. She says she will do something about it but never does. As a married man with two kids I know why I stay in my relationship but if you are dating and having sexual issues… Try and work on it and if it doesn’t change, leave in short order. Sex is such an important part of your relationship and don’t go any further if you are so far apart. Don’t get dragged along thinking it will change. It won’t. Check in with the people on r/deadbedrooms. It is extremely rare that someone changes. There are a bunch of good looking guys in their late 20s and 30s that would go nuts for someone like you. Don’t settle. Good luck.
I remember those days! It was exhausting
Must be our age. I just turned 29 and am dating a 23 year old and his sex drive is great but still can’t keep up with me. Luckily he loves satisfying me but he def makes little comments like that too sometimes