Im looking for some easy tips for an introvert to start build more charisma. I’m not shy or have social anxiety, I’m just not as much of a natural as some extroverts. So when I search “how to be more charming” for example all the tips are way out of my comfort zone. Although I have no problem stepping a little out of my comfort zone, I wanna remain authentic. Thanks!
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Try subliminals also the right diet and workout helps
Could you be a bit more specific? What are the things that come up on searches and in what way are they out of your comfort zone? What is your goal or why do you want to be more charismatic?
Just put some points in charisma when you level up. /s
Easiest way I’ve found is to genuinely care about the person and the conversation.
Obviously being witty, kind and happy helps too but start with focusing on them not on you.
Read some philosophy learn about the universe…knowledge is power, power is confidence, confidence is a happy spirit, a happy spirit is contentment.
Take a standup or improv class.
I’ve often been described as charismatic and I came across a video a while back that hits upon many of the things I believe are the “secret sauce” to charisma.
https://youtu.be/VTOO_9_ECA8
The video breaks down how Joe Rogan is able to engage with any guest, no matter their background and is a great interviewer because of it. Regardless of your feelings on his opinions, he is charismatic and likeable.
For those who want to avoid the video, the main points are this:
1. Grease the wheels early with a compliment.
2. Transition between topics using “reminds me of” language.
3. Ping for topics of mutual interest.
4. Get other people excited about the conversation.
5. Create a connection while listening.
For “how” to do these things, I’d just watch the video as it breaks down each with easily digestible examples. Just remember to practice doing one or two things for your random social interactions throughout the day.
Good topic, thanks from r/invisiblesexuality
I built charisma through music. I started going to concerts this year and I finally came out of my shell
Smile more
Read “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. The book teaches you:
-How to communicate effectively
-How to make people like you
-How to increase your ability to get things done
-How to get others to see your side
-How to become a more effective leader
-How to successfully navigate almost any social situation
It was written in the ’30s so its a bit “old timey”, but the lessons hold true today.
If those tips are way out of your comfort zone, then maybe that’s precisely why you should do them. Food for thought.
Go outside
I recommend a podcast called The Art Of Charm. They have many episodes on the topic (virtually everything they post relates back to charisma and charm in one way or the other so start wherever).
Toastmasters
My first job out of college was a very extrovert heavy one, that of a college recruiter/admissions counselor. I had to go to college fairs and individual schools and give presentations about the college and answer tons of questions and being charming and personable was a big part of the job. I still talk about putting on my “extrovert coat” in certain situations like job interviews and meeting new people.
The biggest “tip” I can offer is to try and externally process during conversations, by which I mean just voice your thoughts aloud. I’ve convinced a lot of people I’m an extrovert by just externally processing when I first meet them or talk to them in a business or more public setting. Works like a charm lol.
Watch charisma on command on YouTube. It’s a great channel.
Learn how to talk to anyone and become wide or broad on many topics and clue into how to read people. Listen. Don’t argue. Validate and understand emotion even when not agreeing. Yes there is judgement. No, there does not need to be brutal punishment.
I know how to not : don’t take cocaïne
I am a introverted introvert. I make other introverts seem extraverted ( yes I meant to spell it that way). Be your 100% unadulterated self always. For me my charisma has come from my mystery and Intelligence, and as an 8 a fireball. Tips I could give you, truly pay attention to what people say, purposely say their name when talking to someone and making some form of contact physically. You have to be careful of course and not be awkward. People love hearing someone say their name and people generally like to talk about themselves. Ask questions of people and sit back and they will do the work. But make sure to add to the conversation.
I built up my social skills working as a waiter at a restaurant. Really helpful to be forced into situations where you absolutely HAVE to talk to people.
Try a YouTube channel called Chrisma On Command.
Simple answer: Practice talking to people.
There are ways to be more efficient about it, such as taking improv classes, but even then, we have to practice and work on the skills we learn.
There is no ‘quick hack’ or ’10 easy steps’. We just have to do the work.
Start by making a little eye contact (with cashiers and the like) and work up to offering a smile and “have a good day”. You eventually build more confidence for some reason.
Like the old saying goes. Practice makes perfect
Learn to listen and ask open ended questions. People love to talk about themselves, just gotta get them to do so. It will create happy chemicals in the brain and eventually they’ll associate that happy feeling with you. It’s weird but also a sales and management tactic.
Also become interesting and worth talking to. If they eventually ask “what do you do for fun?” have something exciting to say. Most people are dull and will look up to anything out of the ordinary.
Average person can’t: play an instrument, fix cars, cook/bake/brew, dance, speak several languages, perform plumbing/carpentry/electrical/landscaping, skateboard/surf, or tons of other skills. If your only hobby is video games and browsing internet, then you won’t have much to say that is worth discussing. Don’t forget to be humble though, nobody likes a blowhard who thinks they’re God’s gift to earth on any subject.
Charisma will come with confidence. Become confident by becoming competent at something, anything, worth talking about.
And last bit, you can’t strike gold everywhere. Not everyone is accepted by everybody, so expect to strike out sometimes and be okay with it. Move on and try again with the next crowd.
Natural introvert here.
I was promoted to a group leader in a manufacturing warehouse. I had to have daily meetings with over 20 members of staff. Fast paced work and what not.
I could do every single job there, but I didn’t feel fit to lead the people. So I made some changes and I learned over time. In summation this is what I learned and what worked with improving my charisma.
Dress the part. Feeling confident in your outward appearance is a big boost. Simply looking maintained and well dressed. Yes I was dirty all the time from repairs BUT I made sure to wear “authoritative” colors
Put some energy into your mannerisms. Might seem like you’re overdoing it, bur people respond well to you using your body to speak.
Stand up straight and look at peoples eyes when talking to them. This goes a LONG way. Dont stare into their soul but look at them when engaged in conversation, don’t hold yourself over anyone but also never hold yourself under either.
Put energy into your words. Enunciate, don’t mumble, speak loud, put passion in what you’re saying.
There’s a YouTube channel called charisma on command. Watch the bits on Craig Ferguson Specifically. Craig is an Irish treasure. Calling him a pot of gold might be racist though.
Be an active listener. Pay attention to body language. Both yours and theirs. Words, tonality and body language is what charisma is consisted from.
Examples of each:
Words: Instead of ”How was your day?” ask ”Which exciting things you did today?”
Tonality: When talking about something exciting, raise your voice and pitch a bit. When talking about something meaningful or personal, speak with calmer and deeper voice.
Body Language: Posture! Stand up straight, shoulders to the back a bit, chest upfront. Don’t cross your arms. Use relaxed and open body language. Don’t be afraid to use touch to your advantage. Touch/Tap on the back or shoulder is a good way to start.
Hey OP! I’m also a hardcore introvert and I developed a pretty refined sense of charisma if I do say so myself.
IMO the math is simple, but the implications are very complicated.
Charisma is basically a synonym for entertaining. Charismatic people are entertaining to watch. They are also very anxiety-relieving, as their mannerisms exude confidence.
So first step, is to avoid publicly showcasing your anxiety. That’s easy to say but hard to do. It takes a lot of practice, and unfortunately not everyone is going to be capable of it.
Once you’re good at keeping your anxiety hidden, it’s time to work on being entertaining. Again, easy to say but hard to do. It requires a lot of practice and a lot of reading people. It means being good at gauging who would appreciate a loud boomy joke vs who would prefer a quiet and subdued joke vs who doesn’t appreciate humor at all. It means knowing which topics are taboo and thinking about different ways your words might be misconstrued. Mostly it comes down to putting out as much prosocial energy as possible and having the skill to deliver that energy in ways that people actually appreciate.
Go to the YouTube channel charisma on command. They have a bunch of shows on that
As an introvert I started building my charisma by engaging in more conversations, just “good morning / afternoon” to somebody down the street and if they wish to continue the conversation just keep it flowing, try to listen to their interests but don’t stick to one topic
Also every morning look yourself dead in the eyes and say “you beautiful bastard”
I kid you not it worked for me lmao
Female here. As a a female … me building my charisma is as simple as being polite and using manners. Listening when someone speak and not interrupting them. As well as being empathetic towards people. Being charismatic doesn’t mean you need to be an extrovert. It’s just means you approach things with confidence and respect. You won’t even have to say a word and people will think you’re charming and charismatic by just the way you carry yourself.
Say what you’re thinking. You’d be amazed how fast honesty goes.
As an introvert, music helped me a lot. I started going to karaoke and open mic nights, which introduced me to most of my closest friends, including my wife. I was never good at conversation; but being able to connect with people through music has helped me with that tremendously.
Cool thing about karaoke and open mic night is that you get to entertain a crowd and it literally doesn’t matter if you suck. Most crowds I’ve been apart of in my days have been super supportive. Win / win.
Looks for the YouTube channel Charisma in Command. Their breakdowns of famous people’s behaviours and tips are pretty cool. Quite informative and interesting.
Just be yourself. The way to do this is embrace and accept who you are then the charisma will flow from that. Some people will like you some won’t. Some will love you, and when they do it won’t be because you learned some artificial way to be more engaging it will be for you.