Bf and I grew up very differently. My parents (while we have other conflicts and issues that do affect me) always make sure I’m eating, I’m healthy, etc etc. I currently with my parents and I can eat anything that is in the fridge or pantry and no one says anything about what I’m allowed to eat or not.
Bf’s family is different. There’s food that belongs to his mom, food that belongs to his stepdad, and food that’s his younger brother’s and no one is allowed to eat each other’s foods. Bf is between jobs and sometimes he doesn’t eat all day or more because he can’t cook or go buy food and he can’t eat what’s there at home because it’s not his food. Is this normal in a household? It’s not a diet thing, it’s just that they’ve said that it’s their food and no one else can eat it and sometimes if they don’t eat it, it’s thrown out for being spoiled. I don’t get this. I feel like in a family, isn’t food that’s in the kitchen meant for everyone? Maybe if it was some takeout or something they specifically made for their diet I’d understand but I don’t get this. I’m not used to thinking like that because I’m my family, food that’s in the kitchen is for everyone.
Can I do something about this? Is this normal for some families to be like this?
6 comments
Can I ask what is your age and you boyfriend’s age?
Can’t really do much. That’s how their family has been for many years. It’s a hard habit to change. But trying to tell them to share is like asking for them to care about each other. Which honestly it’s obvious that they don’t. So your boyfriend is just in some roommate situation with his own family. People with roommates do have separate foods.
>Bf is between jobs and sometimes he doesn’t eat all day or more because he can’t cook or go buy food and he can’t eat what’s there at home because it’s not his food.
This part is weird to me. Taking this at face value, it seems really selfish for his family to not let him eat. Maybe you could help him grocery shop, or he gives you money so when you go shop for food you could pick up some ready-to-eat meals for him. I wouldn’t try to make this a big deal. If it were my bf I’d just briefly tell him I think its weird and keep it moving.
That’s not normal at all- it’s shockingly toxic. How old is he? It may be criminal if he’s a minor.
What is it that you have in mind to do about it, though or what would you say, to whom?
Can he come to your place for dinner? Can you make extra and take him plates ? Would he accept groceries?
LOL every family is dysfunctional in its own way. His family happens to be highly possessive around food, like Alaskan huskies. YMMV, clearly.
You can’t do anything about what’s in his family fridge that he’s not allowed to eat. That’s really none of your business. And frankly, if he’s over 18 and not so depressed that he’s non-functional, it’s not even your business to make sure that he’s eating well. You are his GF, not his better-than-his-real mama.
If and when you start living with him, you can mutually establish your own refrigerator rules or non-rules. Until then, I’d recommend staying out of it, and letting him deal with how to solve his food problems. Do NOT allow him to talk you into bringing him food, because (sob) he can’t eat anything in the refrigerator.
This is weird. Extreme selfishness? Past food insecurity?