Hello reddit! Let me start by saying that I am not a very sociable person. I’m introverted. But I have a very good friend with whom I spend most of my time. However, sometimes I don’t feel like leaving my house and doing things, but I feel bad to refuse an invitation from him. On the rare occasions when this happens, his response sounds like disappointment, which makes me feel selfish. How can I politely refuse a person without sounding like a cheap excuse but without being a direct “no”?
3 comments
IMO refusing an invitation because you need chill time is fine. If you ALWAYS refuse to spend time with someone then you aren’t really friends. If you constantly accept invitations and then cancel on the person, that is not being a good friend.
Since you spend a lot of time with this person and care about the friendship then I think this is okay. It is also okay for him to be disappointed. He was anticipating on spending time with you but you need time alone. I am very introverted and my wife is as well but not as much as I am. Sometimes I need time where I can be inside of my own head and do stuff alone. We have a close relationship so I can say things like ‘Yeah I need some time for myself’ and will go do whatever I want or just chill somewhere alone. She understands. It takes awhile to get comfortable with communicating your needs and putting yourself first .But if I don’t get my alone time I get irritated and am not fun to be around.
that is totally okay and doesn’t make you a bad friend. wanting some time alone is a perfectly valid excuse to not hang out. just be honest and say you feel like spending time by yourself (easier said than done, i know). friends shouldn’t lie to each other – if you’re constantly making excuses to not hang out, he might get the wrong idea. so just be honest
and imo it’s not very fair for him to guilt you for not wanting to hang out all the time. it’s understandable to be disappointed, as long as he’s understanding and not guilting. you shouldn’t feel bad for communicating your needs and wanting alone time. if he does make you feel guilty, have a conversation with him about how you are very introverted and just want to be alone sometimes and it’s nothing personal.
Oh yeah, you’d be a horrible friend if you did that. Oh wait my inner voices are leaking again.
No, it’s perfectly fine to turn him down when you don’t feel like it. BOTH of you should want to hang out, of course he might be dissapointed, but a child will also be dissapointed when the candyshop closes for the day.
We want things and get mildly disappointed when things don’t work out, but keep going anyway.