I want to start this off by saying that rationally I know she loves me aswell as acknowledging that I’ve definitely done stuff in the past that has hurt our relationship and her trust.
I have been with my partner for almost 5 years, a year and a bit of which was long distance. I love her so much and she is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She has quite a complicated relationship with her mother. At the beginning of the year her mother announce her trip to visit us, and ever since my partner knew she was visiting she became extremely emotionally unavailable. During her mum’s visit we had a few arguments as it was a very intense time for the both of us… Unfortunately things haven’t gone back to how they were since the visit. My partner works super stupid hours in a kitchen and has all the stress of a large argument with her mum and dealing with ADHD. She is also saving up for her visa to live here permanently. I know intellectually she loves, but living with her has been so painful that in my heart I don’t believe it anymore. I feel like I have to beg her for any affection, kisses, hugs etc it’s so humiliating. It makes me so sad. Our relationship sexually has also become a bit of a complicated Trainwreck. I’ve gone my whole adult life thinking I was asexual, when we got together she was very sexual and we tried to make it work. Unfortunately she really shutdown her sexual side. Recently I’ve put in a lot of work to process childhood SA I was a victim of, and that paired with treating my sleep apnea has made me discover I actually has a sex drive. I feel shitty for wanting her to try reignite that side of her for me, but I feel like the grass is greener when watered and she isn’t trying to water. I miss feeling loved, I miss feeling lusted for. Recently I spoke to her about this. She got very upset,she was worried she was killing me because I’m so sad. I told her she wasn’t, I tried to assure her that she wasn’t. I wish I didn’t. Because I think she is. I want to be patient to help her heal and dea with all her shit. She deserves that. I just feel like I can’t keep doing this. It’s like living with a robot and she hate feeling like a robot.
How do I get her to be more emotionally available? How do I try reignite our relationship sexually? I love this girl so damn much but I just can’t keep living like this. It’s makes me so sad to see her as such a husk of what she is.