I (f25) moved to a new state and city across the country last month. My friend (f25) is planning to my move there for a month and got an Airbnb, but is coming 2 weeks early. She asked to stay with me for that two weeks, but I’ll be out of town for the first week. She then asked if she could stay there without me and I felt uncomfortable and said no she could stay with me after. We’re friends but we aren’t super close.
She then asked to stay 10 days which is a lot, and I asked if she could stay a week instead and she hasn’t responded to me in 3 weeks and she’s suppose to fly in the next week.
I don’t want to reach out again because it isn’t my responsibility, and I feel used because the past few months she only texted me to send me air bnbs or ask for moving advice or about staying with me. She never once asked if I even properly moved to the new city or how I’m doing. She kept saying how crazy it is for her move to this city for a month for fun, while I moved here for a year and basically starting over. It feels out of touch. And when I did try to open up she ignored me and proceeded to ask for more help looking at Airbnbs and asked me to “hype her up”.
How do I handle this? Should I just let her stay with me and not cause drama. We aren’t that close, but I did stay with her for 2 nights and one day earlier this year, so I feel obligated to let her stay with me.
I’m more annoyed that she hasn’t
followed up to confirm the dates and doesn’t care to know if I even moved properly and how I’m doing than the fact that she asked to stay that long.
TL;DR : my friend asked to stay with me for an a week+ but is not responsive and only seems to message me when she needs something.
2 comments
I have a question
1.have you gave your new address to her?
If so best thing you can do is tell through text or call her saying “You’ve been texting me only to ask me for stuff and not checking up on me to know if the move went great for me, and because of it I rather you NOT live with me. Soooo if you are actually coming over here you are going to waste your time please don’t come.”
I know you not gonna use what I wrote however if you can say something similar, I believe it would work.
You need to reach out again. Just because you stayed with her before does not mean you owe her anything, that’s not how friendships work. if you really are okay with her staying, confirm that she’s staying and for how long and give her a deadline to confirm by. Maybe she’s found another place to stay at by now or maybe she hasn’t, it sucks she hasn’t communicated but if you don’t want her just showing up at your place reaching out again is best.
You should also tell her how you feel, she could be caught up in her life. Are you sharing how your move has gone with her and she ignores it or does she just not ask? Has she always been like this?