For example, it’s been my own experience that some guys don’t make the effort to walk me to my car or ask me to text them when I’m safely home. Is it really an issue? No. If I’m (30F) going to get murdered n my way home from a date, the request of the text has no bearing on my safety.
However, I like that someone is thinking of me even after I’m out of sight. I do it with my friends and I think it suggests a person is caring.
I’ve also noticed that previous friends that didn’t do this tended to be flakey or superficial. Previous males tended to be only interested in a fling or only expressed genuine interest when I was within arm’s reach. Very much words, not actions which is ironic 😂
Yes, I know I’m overthinking this, it’s not a serious gripe but more a moment of a self awareness I just had, and I’m curious if anyone has similar ones. 🙃
7 comments
“I’ve never been single in my adult life” because it implies they may not know what they want or worse yet they may build there next relationship while in the current ie emotional affairs, warrants further questioning and there actions have to align.
Losing identity quickly in a relationship. Because I prefer people I date to remain the people I was attracted to in the first place. I prefer they grow from the person I was attracted to, not to have been an illusion and dissappear within themselves.
Still in contact with an ex they do not share a child with. Real simple. Choose to be with me or choose your past, don’t play me as a piece in your game. I understand emotions aren’t easy to dismiss, but if you have broken up and are seeking other attention I expect to not be fighting the ghosts of your past for attention and time. I provide the same.
Financial troubles that limit their ability to live by themselves if they want that. I get it…hard times are hard, but I’m also not looking to be in a codependent relationship. I think they easily devolve into situationships where you can be stuck together and unhappy, preventing either party from being happy or seeking their happiness.
46M. If they’re overly negative, either about things in general, or specifically other people. If they seem clingy or needy, or conversely, too aloof or blasé. I need to see some level of reciprocal interest to keep going. If they’re giving off a general “Meh” vibe, that’s a turn-off.
When a man tells me he wants to improve himself for me. Oh no, it means he knows he isn’t my equal. Even if I think he is my equal, eventually his lack of confidence and my high independence will degrade the relationship.
White people who went backpacking through Europe/Asia/South America to “find themselves.” When my date (usually a white man or woman) apologizes to me about the Amazon or assumes all of my family members live there in huts.
When they don’t have ANY friends that they spend time with. My ex husband DID have friends, but once we got out of college, he didn’t ever go DO things with any of those friends. The result is that he tried to make ME his ENTIRE social circle. When I would want to go spend time with my girl friends, it would be a HUGE issue. It got SUPER draining.
Unwilling to try new things, travel, taste new foods etc.
I don’t need my SO to be a foodie nor do I need a 24/7 travel buddy, but I found that people who aren’t willing to at least try something new from time to time have really rigid value systems and not a lot of curiosity. The value system thing I can work with, the lack of curiosity gets exhausting very quickly though.
Pessimism. Anything about being distrustful of people. Pessimism about the world. Never giving people the benefit of the doubt and assuming the worse about others intentions.
How can a relationship grow if you’re distrustful of people. I’m not gonna be in a one side relationship where I’m being trusting and vulnerable but the other isn’t. I am not here to prove to you that I’m one of the good ones. Im here to develop a deep connection with another human.
Also, if you’re pessimistic about the world then what will you be thinking when the relationship gets hard? Not to say that there’s not A LOT of shit going on in the world but someone’s inability to also see the good is very telling.