My girlfriend and I have been dating about 2.5 years, and our relationship is really good. There was nothing going on to indicate the news she shared with me the other night. We aren’t in a “rough patch”. Our bedroom life is not bland. We have a lot of external stresses pushing on our relationship, but we are happy with each other. I’ve stewed over this news for the past 48 hours and I’m more confused than when I first learned of it.
In short: My girlfriend was head over heals for her best friend from high school. There was nothing off limits between them, except for the boundaries he put up. He would not date/or do the physically intimate things that happen in a relationship.
When I met my girlfriend, we were just finishing freshman year of college. We clicked super fast and became really good friends prior to dating(though I will admit we began dating fast). That being said, she told me about him when we were friends and admitted how she had loved him but would never want to date him.
Now over 2 years later (we are entering our last semester of college), she told me she’s really confused. She feels like she loves him, but not to the level that she loves me. Because of this, she wants to have a talk with him about it. She wants to find out if he loves her and would want to date. She doesn’t want me to be apart of the convo(understandably). She said no matter what his answer is, she wouldn’t leave me.
She said she doesn’t want to hurt me or our relationship. She said she’s scared that if she doesn’t have the talk with him, then she will grow resentment towards me in the future because of the “what if”.
I trust her more than anyone else, I’ve just never been in this position before. Do I say screw ur and let her do what she wants? I’m really not sure what to do, I don’t think this can happen without causing some damage. What should I do?
TLDR: My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I are very serious. We are about to graduate college and move into our first real home. We share a place now, but it’s not a true home. She shared with me 2 days ago, that she has a form of love for a guy she loved back in high school, and wants to talk to him about it. She’s hoping to find out how he feels and if he’d be willing to date. She said that no matter what he says, she’d stay with me. That she’d stop talking to him afterwards.
What should I do?
9 comments
You’re 21 years old, don’t have a good sex life and she’s catching feelings for others… you break up?
Not to be rude but most young relationships are there to teach you about what you want in a partner in the future and are not typically permanent.
She wants to keep you as backup in case this new guy doesn’t work out. That’s not love. That’s her scared of being alone.
If he says she likes her she will drop you like a rock. She will lie in bed and fantasize about him more and more until she can’t take.
Have some self respect a d leave her.
Why would she want to know if he’s willing to date if no matter what she chooses you? This is a terrible idea
Uhhhhh. She’s beyond disrespectful. She says she isn’t gunna leave u regardless of his answer so why does she need to disrespect ur relationship by asking him???? Let her have him. Move on she sounds like trash u deserve better
The fact that she is still talking to someone she admittedly has romantic feelings for would be enough of a red flag to walk away. This is a giant red banner with gtfo fireworks going off all around it.
She said she’d grow resentment towards you because of the ‘what if’. Ask yourself ‘what if’ what? The answer to that is ‘what if’ she could have been with him instead! That is her reason for having this conversation. She told you this but backtracked to keep you around. If he is interested she will choose him. If not, she still has you.
She is keeping you as an option while she explores what she really wants. If you stay with her you will always have been the fallback. You are second choice in her eyes. I know that’s tough to accept but if you leave you have a chance find someone who only wants to be with you.
She says she doesn’t want to hurt you or the relationship…that’s exactly what she’s doing
She’s keeping you as the fallback option if things go south with him
If he says yes she is going to dump you asap, if he says no you’re a back up plan. I dont see you winning in any scenario.You deserve someone better, someone who actually wants to be with you.
This happened to me. My boyfriend emotionally cheated on me with this other girl. Once I learned about this I dumped him. He came back the next day crying to get me back and promised to not talk to her anymore. I took him back. He unfortuneatley did not cut off all communication immediately but after awhile it stopped. Right now after a few years have passed we are stronger then ever and think about a family. I think that sometimes, especially young people are confused about love, and think that the grass is greener. And when we are young, we might fall in love with many people due to us being naive about love. I do think she loves you, but she is confused. I think you have to be brave and dump her. If she loves you, she will come back, if you even want her back. But then you have to enforce some rules. If this happens a second time I would not be forgiving anymore. Its really hard,… I know from personal Experience.
She’s trying to monkey branch and wants you to set it all up?
Didn’t know this stuff could get any worse.