(19F). Every now and then, I’ll see someone on the bus reading an good book, see someone browsing a similar section of an antique store, see someone interesting on campus. I never work up the courage to say hello, and perhaps I shouldn’t in the first place. Would others hate that? Would I be an imposition?
43 comments
I always have this thought. I wait for some type of clue or opportunity to ask an open ended question. If someone is reading a book, I wait for something else to distract them or for them to glance in my direction. Everyone responds, sometimes it’s a short answer and no conversation, other times people are very chatty. (Hubby)
If you self doubt, then it can come out like that.
Trick is in your mindset, if you genuinely want to talk to some one, you set the tone. Even though some people might say not everyone likes to talk, the truth is everyone deep down wants a conversation.
People are afraid of the unknown and strangers are unknown, but if you share an aroma of kindness in your tone, they will reciprocate most of the times. If they don’t, move on cause people are like the weather; unpredictable.
Honestly, a lot of people like it. I’ve made friends simply by doing stuff like this.
Really depends on the person. Short surface conversations can be nice once in a while for some people. I wouldn’t mind them. Sometimes even short conversations turn into friendship. I struck up a short conversation with a person on campus years back who was looking at the employment board and told her about some local opportunities, and now she is one of my best friends.
Keep it short and if they further engage, take that as a sign they are more comfortable to make it a longer chat.
I’m quite introverted and often not looking for a conversation. That said, if it is a short interaction it is ok. Everyone is different tho.
Quite the opposite.
https://www.psypost.org/2022/05/people-underestimate-how-much-they-would-enjoy-conversation-with-a-stranger-study-finds-63074
They may enjoy it. You probably would enjoy it.
I usually just extend myself if I’m being weird or whatever who cares. Most people are receptive to compliments or an open answered questions which can lead into an introduction or conversation.
It’s best not to approach people on public transportation. This is especially true if you’re not confident in knowing who is and isn’t ready to chat.
If you are feeling chatty on public transportation, though, you can signal that you are open to conversation by looking around and smiling, taking a glance at everyone around you (with whom you might want to chat) periodically but not staring. This body language will help others knoe you’re feeling open and ready for connection. If someone meets your eye contact and appears to show interest then you can hazard a bit of small talk, but keep it light and don’t expect a long conversation.
If someone came up to me while I was reading and asked me about my book, I think I’d be so genuinely excited to interact with a fellow book-lover, any awkwardness may be completely ignored! Try it!
I’m going to be honest. If you approached and started a convo with, i would feel uncomfortable and immediately try rushing out of the conversation. BUT that is because i’m a very shy person and am uncomfortable towards most interaction with strangers in public. However I wouldn’t want that to stop anyone from approaching me! I understand that my uncomfortableness comes from *me*, not you! i hope this makes sense and encourages you to keep putting yourself out there socially!
I know it’s truee i had the same feeling but now I’ve realised until n unless you become fool you can’t do it so try being fool n then yeh see you could have great friends or great conversation
Would you hate it if you were in their shoes?
Why don’t you try setting yourself the target of positive interactions lasting 10 seconds or less. Most people won’t mind 10 seconds of their time wasted and the people that do mind will mind significantly less than if you take much longer. With that goal in mind you are more likely to have body language that suggests you’re not planning on sticking around (you can have many interactions without even coming to a complete stop) which again will make more people comfortable.
Once you’ve got over the apprehension the next question to ask yourself is ‘how many people looked like they wouldn’t have minded talking more?’ Once you’ve got a good gauge of that you can start pushing for longer when people seem into it.
Nah I think they’d be fine with it that’s how you create small talk+if they enjoy it they’d love to talk about it (the book or the section) you’ll encounter someone who doesn’t want to be bothered occasionally but it’s rare I think
Reading a book in public (or on a plane) can be reliably interpreted as “Don’t bug me”. Same with putting headphones on. Some may be open to a short conversation. Some may be wary that you may try to sell them something or ask for money (it happens).
If you are indeed a 19 year old female be very careful about soliciting attention, it can turn ugly fast. Keep the convos short and stay in public. I have had men grab me in the street and try to pull me into a car. Good luck.
Sometimes
Tell yourself if you would’ve like to be approached in that way, we humans think alot alike.
I actually would kill to have someone approach as someone who always does the approaching myself
I have issues building relationships due to trust issues but I love conversations with strangers. I feel safe knowing that we can talk now and I will probably never see you again.
Personally I love it when people come talk to me. I had a girl sit next to me on the bus and told me the book I was reading was being turned into a tv show and we talked about it enthusiastically for a while. As long as you know how to read the other person and know when to end the conversation and say “have a good day nice meeting you” I don’t see anything wrong with it. You might cheer somebody up just by saying hello!
Depends on your country, since you didn’t specify and on reddit US seems to be the default I’m gonna guess you live there and it should be fine. In my country (Germany) it would be considered weird though.
Probably not since you’re a girl
jojo reference
I wear t-shirts referencing the things I love in obscure ways and I always hope that someone out of the blue who loves the same thing would start a conversation with me, but it hasn’t happened yet : (
I don’t think they’d hate it, unless they were antisocial or something like that where they don’t want anything to do with anyone and they happen to be in a public place.
You wouldn’t believe how many people walk around starved for a drop of attention or compassion. As long as you don’t walk up too aggressive or obviously intended for something else (example: hey bitch, gimme your number!), it shouldn’t be a problem. I talk with strangers everyday. Must be something about my appearance!
I think it’s fine if you ask a question or say a statement in a way that opens the door for more interactions or makes it easy for them to opt out of the interaction if they don’t want to be bothered. So for example, commenting on something that someone is doing. I would probably avoid approaching strangers on public transport though- focus more on relaxed environments such as stores and campus.
I’ve met ppl from being approached before. I don’t mind if I am not in a hurry or busy/distracted and they don’t impose too much (I.e. make it difficult to go our separate ways even after we exchanged contact info).
All you can do is try and be very perceptive how they react read the body language and tone in their reply. Do they seem annoyed? cut it short. Are the receptive? continue being kind and awesome.
Do it. It is so hard to make friends nowadays, people won’t mind you approaching to start a conversation. It’s nice to make a connection with someone, especially if you notice yall may have common interests. Go for it
Would you be mad if someone approached you?
Some do, some don’t, I think the thing to focus on here is be mindful of the hints people give you once approached. Many people will be friendly-ish out of politeness but give you clues that they’d rather not be having this interaction.
If i am in a busy buss and someone comes to me to talk I wouldn’t be pleased, I have anxiety and so I would not appreciate that. But if it was empty go right ahead
I remind myself we are social beings and people want to talk, so it’s not weird at all to socialize in most settings
I personally love it, I’m not very good at carrying convo though so they usually get bored and go away or I stutter and my speech gets clunky so they get weirded out and leave. I’ve made a couple freinds this way though
it honestly depends on the person but for the most part i don’t think anyone would hate it. i honestly love when strangers approach me and start making conversations, that’s how you can meet possible friends! good luck.
Depends on how, who, when. If it’s 4AM I don’t want anybody talking to me. If it’s a Friday afternoon, go for it. Anything in between is a maybe.
It doesn’t hurt to try. Worst case they’ll tell you to go away, but most people aren’t assholes so I doubt it.
Just gotta read the room.
No if you’re female, yeah in some cases as a male. It’s really the person tbh
You’re lucky that as a woman, strangers (both men and women) will be more receptive if you approach them. The same isn’t true for men
A girl just approached me at a coffee shop yesterday and it was awesome.
Most people will just feel good that you want to talk to them. The ones that don’t and are weird about it you can ignore with a smile!
I think it’s awesome to have small moments with strangers just sharing a little glimpse into each other’s worlds. Whenever I’ve had the good fortune, most times it’s so nice and makes my day. Sometimes I’m even confident enough to initiate some conversation and I can feel they seem a little lighter. I hope you don’t let your worry hold you back.
I would absolutely love that. Until you initiate some sort of interaction, you won’t really know if the person will appreciate it or not. If they don’t, you simply back off. As long as you’re respectful and not weird/creepy, I think someone would be chill or flattered. I think most people are cool if you just talk to them normal and don’t make it weird (maybe not for everyone, but you know what I’m getting at)
In these days when everything is so rich and easy to reach, people don’t talk much about anything but popular stuff.
And me, for example, because we don’t have many interests in common with my friends and we don’t feel the need to talk even if we consume popular things, we rarely talk about similar things and can’t make suggestions to each other because we know we will never be able to look at what we’re suggesting because there is no time and our own interests and priorities are different.
So at the end of the day, we all consume different things and we can’t talk much about them. There are so many books to read, so many TV shows and movies to watch. After a point, people don’t even care about advice, everything starts to feel the same.
And I love to talk about the things I consume. (Of course if I have something to talk about.) In short, when I’m reading a book, if a stranger sees me and interested in what I’m reading and wants to talk to me about it, I would be very happy and excited.
We need to normalize things like this again. Writing on the Internet is never the same as actually talking to a human.