What’s his issue with me, why was he (m32) so rude and full of attitude

I (f31) Matched someone on an app not long before the pandemic began, so just over two years. During that time period he was making lots of effort and he stated he’s genuinely looking for something serious/a relationship. But I was busy with work and life etc, so didn’t put in as much effort. Basically he seemed more intentional and I wasnt. But then not long after I realised I needed to actually try to get to know the guy more as otherwise whats the point of being on an app and I was interested enough to do so. For some reason it just never worked out after that . We never managed to be on the same page. And obviously the pandemic and multiple lockdowns hit and caused problems with regards to being able to actually meet the guy properly.

We kept disconnecting then reconnecting. He kept coming out with the same lines i.e he doesnt want to be a pen pal or texting friend because he doesn’t have the time and kept asking me what I wanted.

Most recently

Last year September had a video call for the first time, previous to then we’d only seen photos of one another. It went well imo. Spoke for about two hours via video. He was teasing me and flirting. Seemed interested in my life and vice versa. Then asked me when am i going to take him out for a coffee ( i.e asking me out), I responded saying a weekend would be good. There wasnt an actual date set like this saturday/ sunday coming up. I just assumed any weekend would be fine. He said ok I’ll come to you, make sure it’s not too far down. ( he lives about n hour and a half drive away). Then he said he’ll probably come in the evening once he’s completed tasks in the day, and asked me how long I can stay out, so from the sounds of it he didn’t mind spending a few hours or more in my company. At the end of the call he said we’ve finally broken the ice.

After the two hour chat, it just went downhill . Two weekends went by he didn’t say anything, neither did I. I was not feeling well the following week so i thought best just wait and other things came up. But I was looking up good places for us to go meanwhile an have coffee. So two and a half weeks after I called to arrange a proper time to meet and he completely ignored my calls and messages. I messaged on WhatsApp saying we should meet, he ignored. I called about four times, the last two calls it seemed like he purposely rejected them. I just thought at that point we’d been speaking for ages, and after not meeting for so long due to all the lockdowns, why not just actually get it done finally. I then texted apologising for the fact we didnt meet straight after our videochat. I just assumed maybe he was annoyed or something. But i explained i wasnt well and a couple other reasons and just said it would be nice to meet finally. Again i just got blanked. Obviously after that I gave up. I tried my best.

Following that, I called after Christmas in Jan. A few months went by and I thought let me see if he gives me some kind of explanation for why he acted that way. See if he picks the phone at least and what hes been doing. I was honestly just curious as he’s the one whos brought up meetings himself multiples times, even before the videochat, and when the opportunity presented itself, why did he flake.

It was pointless in the end as he didnt mention one thing about it, acted totally normal. I was dumb enough to not directly ask him either We spoke normally for two hours, both acted as if everything was good, he asked me what id been upto and that was that.

two months late we engaged again. Also thought may bring up us meeting myself as the weather was getting better. But this time would be me rather than him. Of course I didnt get to bring up any of that. First half an hour he seemed normal with me, told me he ended up with the covid virus so was cooped up at home. Then went onto telling me what was going on in his life Work wise etc. Couple times he asked how comes you called, more than once I’d say. I then said to see how you are a check in, he was like thanks I appreciate it. I thought id be curious and ask if hes still on the app, he said no don’t have time too busy, I said well most people i know delete the app if they don’t use it or don’t have time ( i only asked because i asked another time and he said the exact same thing 😂). I’ve forgotten the exact order in what happened next but either he asked me first when am i going to “settle down” or I asked him. But i think it may have been he asked me first when am i going to “settle down”. All i said was when i find someone suitable. He said that makes sense. Then I must have asked him and he said “i have something sorted” or “something in the pipeline”. I was a little taken aback. I didn’t show it though. I said tell me about it, he said no i haven’t told my friends yet and i don’t want to ruin it. I said pretend im your friend and he kept repeatedly saying no.

I have no idea what came over him after that but intermittently for the rest of the conversation which was another hour he was contemptuous, rude, demeaning, condescending and seemed like he was really angry. Well the anger was like on and off, who knows what was happening. I’ve never seen him be like that before continuously ( and we’ve spoken on the phone at least 13 times for hours), I said to him it seems like you hate me or something and he kept saying oh no I dont hate you. but his choice of words, tone and attitude certainly suggested otherwise.

First we were talking about how he couldnt hear me that well, and there’s a delay, he said I dont know if youre slow or if its your phone/headset. He told me to go on a website so he could show me what headset he uses, he snapped and said why is it taking you so long hurry up. Then he used the phonetic alphabet instead of spelling out the word, i said just spell it out its easier and he said no even my younger 10 yr old brother could do this. After several attempts finally i got wht he was trying to say, he kept insinuating i was stupid basically. It came across like he was attempting to belittle me there.I asked him to buy me the headset ( since he kept complaining about my equipment) he said guess what im not your father. He asked me if I can drive and told me not to ever attempt to as ill probably cause accidents .

Then he asked about my work and wht else ive been upto. He started talking about him giving money to his local charity, one which is in his local area. I asked where it is again, he said hes not going to tell me that. Then he was like i never ask you where youre from, because I don’t care. He said he doesn’t care a few times after randomly.

It continued. He said he’s only speaking to me now because hes trying to help me. In other words he was implying there’s no other reason he would speak to me other than because he wants to help as if im some charity case. Hes like why do you think i never called you all this time, its because i had better options than you, I’ve rejected people better than you before. I honestly had no idea why he was saying all this stuff but it wasn’t a great experience. I said well you seemed ok before, and he said well i changed my mind. He mentioned the time we were meant to meet and said he changed his mind and its like how you cancel on your friends sometimes. Then he started talking about how as I age and the more i age im going to be worthless and he would never consider me if I came to him i.e to his doorstep in a few years he would close the door on me. How now he wants someone five years younger than him ( im nearer his age).. and he wants to create a legacy and have about 6 children. He wants someone who can help him to expand and be better and elevate him.

Then he asked me why would I want you what can you offer me. I think no matter what i said he would shut it down anyway. I was speechless at his behaviour So i couldn’t really fight my corner that well. He just kept repeating he had better and there’s better women. He said speaking to me is like a chore and im slow, and the convo doesn’t flow. Others have more of a sense of humour and great personalities. So everything which never bothered him before was suddenly bothering him now. I mean if speaking to me was such a chore why could he speak to me for several hours before on the phone. He also told me to shut the hell up when i tried to defend myself. And said he doesn’t like to swear but i keep talking over him. Even though hes alright to talk over me all the time. Then hes like i give him such a headache he could never be with me or marry me as speaking to me for one minute gives him a headache.

I forgot to mention he talked about how hypersexualised everything is now because of po\*n. I think he was implying he doesn’t see me as attractive enough to be with. I’m only assuming. Again he had no issues before, he saw my photos, saw me on video chat etc. I told him i get chatted up a lot when i go out, he replied in his childish way and said “i dont care” and said theres a name for that and called me a very derogatory name for women. ( a slu\*)

Anyways i was seriously speechless by the end at the treatment id received. He said in between insulting and demeaning me that he does care about me and that’s why hes trying to help me. I was seriously puzzled. Then the convo ended with him asking me for a favour to do with his work, i said ill get back to you. He was like tell me a yes or a no in an aggressive tone. So after everything he said he still had the balls to ask me for a favour before telling me he will block after the favour.

Tl:dr

matched with someone , he mentioned he wanted to meet more than once over the pandemic period, couldn’t due to that. Finally agreed last year end of summer, he came up with the idea and told me to find a place but no actual date was set. A few weeks later got back to him and he ignored all forms of contact. I let it go, then decided to contact again and spoke to him recently for a few hours..and he was completely normal then switched halfway and started calling me names, saying the only reason he never contacted me after our arrangement to meet was because he changed his mind and found better and always had better options. Insulted me for an hour, said he could never be with someone like me and i give him a headache, and just went on and on and on. Before at the end saying he will block me forever. It was totally unprovoked in my opinion and hes never been this aggressive towards me. Also he kept saying he doesn’t care over and over again whenever i would reply to questions he himself asked. But it just sounded like he was really angry and wanted to hurt me or something. (Im assuming)

It was so strange the way he was completely normal with me at the start and then did a 180 and started getting personal and calling me worthless. I didn’t do anything to him. Its baffling how interested he seemed to meet me before and kept talking about it, but now he suddenly didnt see me as worthy of meeting. But he had no problems speaking to me for hours and hours on end before either.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But unsure.