A few days ago I(17M) found out she(18F) was seeing someone new 1 year after we broke off our 4 year relationship. It makes me sad that I am still not over her even after one year. After I found out she was seeing someone new, I stopped talking to her because, honestly, all of my attempts to talk were to win her back. I stopped because I respect her new relationship and knew that there was no chance of getting back together.
I want to move on, but deep inside I feel sad and scared that her ex will be better than me and she will have a happier relationship than we did. I am on a journey to self improvement now and I want to fix myself.
How do I completely leave her behind and lower my ego of her new relationship being better than the one we had?
Tldr: My ex got a new partner 1 year after we broke up but I can’t get over her completely. My ego is holding me back how do I let go?
4 comments
Her new relationship should be better for her, if not, what is the point? Peoples compatibility is not a linear graph from bad to good. Her new partner is likely different, better in some areas, worse in some. Your goal is not to feel happy for her, your goal is to feel nothing for her.
You are not over your ex because you have been trying to win her back for one year. Go to r/relationship_thoughts and read the guide to no contact. If your interest is personal development, you will likely find some other material of interest there.
If you had cut contact when you broke up this wouldn’t even be an issue – don’t stay friends after a breakup when you want to get back together. A clean break heals. Dragging it out doesn’t.
I mean, if you cared for her and your relationship didn’t work out you should want her to be happy and find happiness? I mean you broke up so I would hope she has a relationship that doesn’t end that way. And I know it was a meaningful relationship but it’s not usual for a relationship that starts in middle school to last forever. You had a good run and probably learned and grew a lot together.
So, time to actually cut contact and start the moving on process.
You feel sad and scared that her ex will be better and she will have a happier/better relationship? Would you have felt happier if he was worse and the relationship is worse? You need to focus on yourself and be happy with who are instead of this, someone elses loss or win really shouldn’t affect you.
Theoretically would you feel comfortable knowing an ex out there is feeling devastated that you have a new partner?
Let your journey of self improvement to be about you, not to impress someone else or else you’ll feel empty inside only trying to impress others.
Good luck
> I want to move on, but deep inside I feel sad and scared that her ex will be better than me and she will have a happier relationship than we did.
This is precisely the objective of breaking up and moving on. You should focus on finding the same for yourself.