Basically the title. I’m newly seeing someone, and closed mouth kissing is fun! But open mouth with tongue… His technique is a little off-putting for me.

What’s the best way to bring this up? How do I say it?

18 comments

  4. “I really like kissing you, but it’d be way hotter if you did this. Can we try it that way?”

    If he doesn’t get it: “Sorry not quite. Can you…?”

    When he does get it: “I really liked it like that. Let’s do that again.”

    Just be nice, be constructive, and give him positive reinforcement when he improves.

  5. I would ask him to try something and follow your lead, and then give cues that you are enjoying it

  6. Remember kissing is not objective. His technique may have been desirable to past partners. Frame it trying something a little different that based on your preferences. Don’t focus on what he’s doing wrong (because unless he’s hurting you, like with teeth or something, there’s no “wrong”). Focus on your preferences.

  7. I don’t mind open-mouth tongues-touching kissing, but my boyfriend used to try to stick his tongue fully into my mouth…I would stop it by using my own tongue to push it out lmao

  9. Everybody’s different. Generally if a woman wants something in the sexy time department with me, just ask if I can do something that would really turn you on in a flirty manner. Done.

    If you’re really worried about it, then put something sexy on. At that point it’s drool city and sure, my kissing is shit, uh huh, oh it’s horrible- totally agree, it’s like a bucket of worms, sure I’ll kiss you like this. Is this good? Can we practice until I get it right?

  10. Use positive reinforcement and clear, distinct cues to encourage and reward desired behavior. [This is a good starting resource](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dogtraining/wiki/rewardmarker). Buy a clicker and treats and if your man is not food motivated perhaps swap the treat for a bit of titty.

    And never use positive punishment. If the man’s behavior repeatedly fails to meet your standards do not berate him, simply leave the room for a few moments. This will reinforce what they are doing will result in an ending of playtime.

  11. Be as honest as possible about as early as it feels right. It’s goes a long way and I guarantee if you wait he will wonder how long you have been thinking about saying something

  12. Usually I start the conversation by opening myself up to critique. “Hey – do you like it when I bite you lip a bit? I know some people do and sometimes people don’t.” And after they answer being like “good to know! Anything else I should try?” Or “anything else I should do differently?”

    And then after taking in their feedback being like “I like when you…” or “I think I would like you to…can we try that?”

  13. I can’t recall since I kiss someone or been kissed. Hope I don’t forgot how to kiss. Lolll

  14. I dated a man recently (he is gone thank GOD) he only wanted to shove his tongue forcefully down my throat. I pushed back with my own and he didn’t get the message. I tried saying, like this, and showed slow kissing was what I wanted, he didn’t get it. He even demeaned me and called my closed mouth kisses grandma kisses. Turns out he was a controlling narcissist. After 2 weeks, he told me to get rid of all my current friends, and how to dress for now on. I find it now a red flag indicator of primary lust and dominance. Not saying everyone who kisses like this is potentially abusive but it was for me his show of dominance even during intimacy.

  16. Lol, I just tell every man I date I don’t like wet kisses or any kissing that involves saliva exchange. I literally just say it as it is.

    If it’s something they cannot live with for the rest of their life, we both move on.

    I guess it’s easy for me to say it as any man who tongue kissed me will make me feel instant revulsion.

    And I don’t want to put up with that.

  17. I had one that was a tongue sucker and that was all of his skills. When I mentioned it: he said we didn’t have to kiss. He also jackhammered without looking at me until afterwards. Yes, I was in full starfish mode in shock. This is why women starfish before they know better. Run. Lol.

  18. Say ‘ hold still – let me just kiss you for a minute’

    And show him what you want and let him feel what youd prefer, then praise him when he does the same back to you after.

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